59% Of Americans Support Ostracizing Trump The Ancient Greek Way
And this week's other Dada News headlines
A new poll found that 59% of Americans support bringing back the ancient Greek democratic tradition of ostracism to banish Donald Trump from America into exile elsewhere.
One of the dozens of RNC officials just fired by Donald Trump’s daughter-in-law says he never thought the Trump family would betray his years of loyalty.
GOP officials say Lara Trump spent her first week as RNC co-chair listening to her rendition of Tom Petty’s “Won’t Back Down” on repeat all day long in her office.
Several Gen Z kids brought to Mar-a-Lago by their conservative parents reportedly wrote Jimmy Kimmel’s Oscars line “Isn’t it past your jail time?” on the wall of the pool patio with ketchup tonight.
Democratic candidates and abortion rights initiatives across the nation are reporting big influxes of donations from a mysterious new super PAC called “The Cliterati.”
Donald Trump reportedly asked his lawyers today, “How come all our legal arguments focus on presidential immunity, and we never try to argue that I’m innocent?” which was followed by a long, silent pause where his lawyers just stared at him.
Donald Trump Jr. says his father has promised to give him all the blackmail files on Republican members of Congress when he dies so that Don Jr. can continue the Trump dynasty.
Donald Trump has reportedly been telling guests at Mar-a-Lago that he has given Stephen Miller permission to do medical experiments on Jimmy Kimmel in the first concentration camp they start after he gets reelected.
Ivanka Trump says she will henceforth go by “Ivanka Kushner,” and that it’s time for her to make a “conscious uncoupling” from her father.
RNC co-chair Lara Trump is reportedly following the Trump playbook by demanding the RNC’s IT department give her access to all the top officials’ email accounts to look for incriminating evidence with which to blackmail them.
A self-proclaimed “MAGA hospital” in southern Idaho is using leeches on people to allegedly suck the COVID vaccine out from their blood because a nearby popular pastor has been claiming for months that the “Kung Flu Fauci antibodies” were designed to turn us Chinese.
Several GOP members of the Senate Subcommittee on Family Values say that their Chairman Josh Hawley makes them watch “way more gay porn than is necessary” during committee meetings for his stated goal of “studying the demonic schemes of gay pornographers.”
Donald Trump keeps accidentally starting sentences with “When I’m dictator…” instead of “When I’m president.”
Newly appointed RNC co-chair Lara Trump says it’s politically relevant to use GOP money to buy the rights to “I Won’t Back Down” so Tom Petty’s estate and family will stop sending her cease and desist letters when she sings it at campaign rallies.
Josh Hawley reportedly just quietly checked himself into masturbation rehab.
Republican Senator Tom Rankford says he regrets saying, “Women’s vaginas and uteruses will treat the conservative Supreme Court justices as liberators.”
An unknown source reportedly sent a Rudy Giuliani sex tape to all the major news outlets.
Kevin McCarthy admits he was bested by Joe Biden in their debt ceiling negotiations saying, “Biden may be brain-dead, but White House staffers suspended his decaying corpse onto a system of ropes and pulleys and flew it in circles around the Oval Office so Biden’s dangling legs and arms nearly hit me in the head, and the lights were off but a strobe light was going and fog machines were on behind the Resolute Desk, and loud death metal music was playing from an amplifier, while AOC and Kamala Harris were running around me in circles with masks over their faces and chainsaws in their hands, and it all terrified me so deeply I agreed to raise the debt ceiling just to survive!”
A televangelist in Florida is demanding God stop making rainbows after thunderstorms.
A local conservative says that every time two men hold hands or kiss on a TV show or movie he’s watching with his kids, he has to play his kids an hour of hardcore straight porn to undo all the gay grooming.
A new survey of Gen Z girls shows their biggest fear in life is getting pregnant in a red state.
Historians conclude Germany was not sending its best in 1885 when Frederick Trump came to America.
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