6 Republicans In GA Shot Themselves Trying To Shoot The Chinese Balloon
And other top Dada news headlines from the last week!
Six local conservatives in Georgia have accidentally shot themselves in gun accidents while attempting to shoot down the Chinese balloon.
Donald Trump is reportedly feuding against Jared Kushner for not giving him some of the Saudi money that Jared got, and Trump has even banned Jared and Ivanka from Mar-a-Lago.
Kari Lake vowed that she’ll never give up the 2022 election, just like she never gave up stalking her first boyfriend who broke up with her in 1987 but she still follows around town several times a week.
Alex Jones, who is now tattooing his entire body to look like a lizard, says that, if he can’t beat the shape-shifting Reptilian overlords, he might as well join them.
QAnon says all loyal MAGA patriots should default on their personal debts to support the Freedom Caucus plan to force the government to default on the national debt.
A Fox News host complained today on his podcast that the Snickers candy bars look too much like veiny, black penises, and that the Mars Wrigley candy company is grooming white children to put black penises in their mouths.
Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders is trying to ban veganism to “starve the libs.”
The RNC is donating $500,000 to the American Mental Health Association to help offer free counseling services for all the Republicans around the US who are triggered by Black History Month.
Fox News hosts are now complaining that Joe Biden is boosting the economy, job numbers, and stock prices just to make Trump look bad ahead of the 2024 election.
Missouri Republicans are debating a bill that would mandate all female members in the state legislature to report their menstrual cycles.
Donald Trump says Ron DeSantis is paying Palm Beach state troopers to blare their cop car sirens next to Mar-a-Lago dozens of times a day.
Rudy Giuliani says he already has hundreds of affidavits “proving” Ron DeSantis is guilty of voter fraud in the 2024 GOP presidential primary.
A Florida Republican in the state’s senate says that homosexuality must be hidden from society because every time he sees a gay person he wants to have anal sex.
Military intelligence officials say they told Donald Trump about the 3 Chinese balloons that flew over the US during his presidency, but the reports didn’t include his name in those paragraphs so he screamed “Boring, don’t care!” and went golfing.
A new GenZ TikTok trend features the children of Republican lawmakers in Congress and state legislatures performing in drag shows to protest their parents’ homophobia and transphobia.
Florida Republicans just banned Froot Loops and all Cheerios branded cereals for looking too much like buttholes.
Republicans are furious after realizing that the Froot Loops cereal mascot, Toucan Sam, has a rainbow-colored beak, which means they’ve been “eating gay for breakfast” their entire lives.
Thirteen House Republicans just got matching tattoos of AR-15s on their taints.
Ted Cruz believes that when the GOP splits between Trump and DeSantis, he’ll be nominated for president as the obvious compromise candidate.
The Florida GOP just passed a bill that allows school resource officers to arrest any students caught with a book on school property.
Donald Trump swears he never had an affair with Stormy Daniels, and only paid her to come over and read the Bible together.
Kari Lake is mailing dead rats to the houses of Marjorie Taylor Greene and Nikki Haley with letters written in blood telling them to back off trying to be Trump’s vice president.
Florida Republicans are encouraging parents to burn all the books in their homes, and raise their kids illiterate to “own the libs.”
Matt Gaetz has dropped his lawsuit of the man who gave him the nickname “Rapey McForehead” after he realized the trial would publicize his ongoing sex-trafficking allegations, as well as publicly disclose the length and height of his forehead.
Mike Pence says it’s very unlike God to not warn him he accidentally had classified documents.
Donald Trump just gave Ron DeSantis a lifetime ban from Mar-a-Lago.
Kevin McCarthy says that if a debt default wrecks the global economy, Republicans around the nation are ready to eat trash and rats if that’s what it takes to rein in spending.
Thanks for your eyeballs!
—Dash MacIntyre
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