A List Of Stories Donald Trump Paid To “Catch-And-Kill” Just Leaked!
The following are all embarrassing news stories that Donald Trump paid to own the rights to, and then buried.
The White House custodial staff had to do extensive refurbishing on the Oval Office’s Resolute Desk to remove four years’ worth of blue Adderall-stained boogers Trump left on the underside.
Three different people have performed the Heimlich Maneuver on Trump when he was choking on big bites of a Big Mac, though a 4th time he almost died when he was choking and Melania watched him pretending she couldn’t understand what he was vigorously motioning with his arms about.
Trump gets a 25% “president’s discount” on the orange foundation he buys from CoverGirl.
The school that Trump’s kids attended in the 80s banned him from chaperoning their field trips after he repeatedly tried to recruit some of the girls into his beauty pageant.
During a Bible study class as a kid, Trump got caught with a hardback copy in which he had replaced all the pages with the pages of Mein Kampf so he could read Hitler instead of Jesus.
Trump used to regularly buy himself big floral arrangements to be delivered to his office any time he was being interviewed by a journalist.
The editing for all of the seasons of The Apprentice took double the time of regular reality TV shows because the producers had to figure out creative ways to hide the facts that Trump could never tell any of the Black contestants apart, he licked his lips excessively anytime Ivanka was a judge, his nostrils were almost always stained blue, he derailed most scenes with long rants about Forbes not ranking him higher on their lists of highest net worths, and during filming he regularly pretended to get phone calls from foreign leaders, famous actresses, and beautiful models even though his phone visibly was off.
Trump’s son Eric is not included in his will, and Tiffany’s name is spelled “Stephanie.”
An audit shows the Trump Organization expensed $15,000 on ice cream in 1991 during Trump’s Taj Mahal bankruptcy.
Trump regularly gives people headshot portraits of Ivanka on which he signs his name under the creepily ambiguous message “I did this!”
Trump spent most of 2011 playing Angry Birds.
Trump owes dozens of contracting companies in New York and New Jersey a total of $1.3 billion in unpaid bills.
The fibers used for his implanted hair are imported from a Mongolian weasel farm, but his hair is actually from a second species after the first went extinct due to Trump’s excessive needs.
Trump and Jeffrey Epstein once got matching tattoos together.
During Trump’s presidential visit with the Queen of England, he reached over with his fork and ate off her plate.
In college, Trump had a pair of black sunglasses and a white cane that he used to pretend he was blind so he could walk into the women’s locker rooms.
Trump calls Roy Moore every Friday to chat about the girls Roy sees at the mall, share and debate various voyeur tips, and tell Roy about the things he saw Russian prostitutes do when he traveled to Moscow.
After Trump accused Megyn Kelly of being “nasty” and “bleeding from her wherever,” he called her and asked if she wanted to go out furniture shopping and what her favorite flavor of Tic Tac was.
The only notes Trump ever took during his national security briefings as president were doodles of boobs, and, sadly for America, the National Archives was legally required to catalogue and index them.
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Can’t really tell what’s true & what’s not lmao