A Mysterious Group Of Women Calling Themselves “The Cliterati” Vow To Stop Trump
And this week’s other Dada News headlines!
A new, mysterious political group made up of suburban women in red states call themselves “The Cliterati” have vowed to do “everything it takes” to stop Donald Trump from winning the election.
Marjorie Taylor Greene says she has been studying Hunter Biden’s nude photos “for weeks” to try and discover new incriminating information about him.
New York officials say the first thing they’re going to do when they confiscate Trump Tower to pay off Trump’s $370 million fine is to put a windmill on top of it.
New York officials say when they take ownership of Trump Tower to pay off the $370 million he’s about to owe, they’ll evict all the Russian and Chinese tenants and start housing migrants that red state governors keep bussing to NY.
The Treasury Department just announced it will be charging Donald Trump the 50 years of interest he owes on all his unpaid taxes, and will be using the dramatically inflated numbers he gave investors and banks to figure the total he owes.
A televangelist in Oklahoma says if Donald Trump is convicted in any of his criminal trials and goes to prison, it will be obvious God doesn’t exist and nothing matters anymore so he “might as well quit church and start being gay.”
Local QAnon followers say the Epstein files just aren’t as fun since Donald Trump was implicated in them.
Donald Trump’s lawyers apologized to Judge Engoron for his 5-minute outburst in court today, and they blamed it on Trump not having a Diet Coke all morning.
BREAKING NEWS: Henry Kissinger was just reanimated by scientists and is alive again.
A leaked Russian intelligence memo shows that the documents Trump sold Putin were fortunately useless for the Russians because they weren’t longer than a single page, were written at a 6th grade reading level, and included Trump’s name with compliments in each sentence.
Speaker Mike Johnson says he regrets comparing himself to Moses after several House Republicans announced it’s time to dump him.
House Freedom Caucus member Ralph Storington says it’s time to elect Donald Trump as Speaker of the House because only Trump can make the kinds of deals that will finally lead to cutting the debt, passing a GOP infrastructure plan, and repealing Obamacare.
Donald Trump, about to lose Trump Tower in New York, claims, apparently preemptively, that he had no idea what all the Russians who lived there were doing.
Donald Trump reportedly asked his lawyers if they thought they’d made enough arguments that he had presidential immunity and now should start arguing that he’s innocent, and his lawyers just stared at him silently for 15 seconds.
Donald Trump says if the state of New York makes him pay $370 million, he’ll be forced to take way more money from Russia, Saudi Arabia, and China.
Joe Biden says he has S.E.A.L. Team 6 on standby in case the Supreme Court decides presidents have immunity to assassinate their political opponents.
A dozen lawyers who have previously defended Donald Trump have started a support group because no law firms will hire them after finding out the ludicrous legal claims they’ve tried to make in court.
Jared Kushner says if he could work hard and raise $2 billion in capital with all the obstacles he’s faced in life, then anyone can.
A hospital in the most MAGA town in America bought 20 iron lungs today because of an outbreak of polio following the mayor’s declaration that all vaccines were a “socialist brainwashing plot to inject people with Satan’s semen.”
Donald Trump’s lawyers have been drawing straws each morning to see which one has to publicly humiliate themselves for posterity making the absurd statements necessary to pretend Trump has presidential immunity, and this week John Sauer drew the short straw.
Marjorie Taylor Greene unironically said today, “Lauren Boebert is an embarrassment for the American people, and doesn’t belong in Congress.”
Mitch McConnell has reportedly been drinking formaldehyde smoothies every morning to keep his organs from rotting long enough to survive until the next election to see if he can be elected Senate Majority Leader one last time.
Lauren Boebert’s internal campaign polling has found there is not a single district in Colorado she can move to that will elect her in November.
QAnon is reportedly now telling his followers that Donald Trump only had sex with Epstein’s teenagers in order to collect the evidence that would bring Epstein to justice, and Trump “no doubt felt really bad and conflicted about it the whole time.”
Ralph Harriet, the GOP chairman on the House Committee of Health and Human Services, says women who complain about the “pink tax” on tampons should just stop using them because his butthole “bleeds a lot more than once a month,” and he gets by fine without any tampons.
Trump claims his slavery deal with the South “would have covered more people and been cheaper than Lincoln’s.”
A FL judge says his hands are tied, and the text of Republicans’ own education censorship legislation mandates the banning of the Bible from schools for pervasive sexual content because immediately Adam & Eve’s kids implicitly do incest, and Lot’s daughters rape him.
Donald Trump’s doctors just testified in his classified documents trial that if Trump gets locked up in prison without access to Diet Coke, Adderall or media attention, the withdrawal symptoms will “almost certainly kill him.”
Mitch McConnell died 4 months ago, and everyone in the Senate is just pretending he’s alive because the GOP is too dysfunctional for Republicans to have another nasty internal-fight over whether to replace him with an insurrectionist.
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THE ARTICLE IS VERY UNPROFESSIONAL. YOU ARE NOT ATTENTION TO TRUMP'S ACTIVITIES. NANCY PELOSI ALREADY DID BEHIND HIS BACK - THIS IS THE WORK. . . . . . . .VIEW ARCHIVED CONGRESS RECORDS. . . ..