Christians Everywhere Are Blissfully Unaware Their Christmas Trees Are Totally Pagan
Christmas stole many pagan traditions including decorated trees, holly, caroling, wreaths, mistletoe, and gift-giving.
Local Evangelical Christopher Bradshaw is now a three-time winner of his neighborhood’s annual Christmas Tree Competition for Best-In-Show, and he spent the morning looking at his Christmas tree making some last-minute ornament rearrangements to improve the tree’s glow.
“I just love Christmas, and the reminder that Baby Jesus came to the world on this day to free mankind from the torment of Hell,” Bradshaw explained. “And there’s no part I love more than having a big Christmas tree lighting up my living room. My family growing up only kept a small tree, and I promised myself that, when I had my own place and my own family, I would have the best, most beautiful Christmas tree in the whole town, and that’s a promise I have kept.”
On the mantle above the Bradshaw family’s fireplace was a display of the three Christmas tree trophies the family had won.
“I just love how Christian this tradition is, and how it’s totally reverent to God, the Virgin Mary, Joseph, the Three Wise Men, and of Christianity in general. Yep, there is certainly nothing pagan about Christmas trees. Nothing pagan at all! There’s just no way the symbolism of contemporary Christians bringing a giant tree into the house had anything to do with, say, ancient Egyptians using green palms to worship Ra, or ancient Romans using fir trees to celebrate Saturnalia, or pagan Germans and Scandinavian Vikings in the single-digit centuries worshipping Thor and other deities via oak trees— no way! Christmas trees are totally an original Christian concept created solely for reverence toward Jesus. Definitely not some kind of convenient appropriation of pagan rituals revolving around the end of the farming season at the seasonal winter solstice that were utilized to convert them to Christianity by mutually celebrating comfortably familiar customs the pagans already had. No siree! And I’m sure the whole tradition of gift-giving has nothing to do with the Roman one of giving gifts during their December Saturnalia, or the gift-giving of the Germanic tribes in the north. I bet the gift-giving character of Santa Claus has no pagan predecessor either. Nope, definitely no relation to something like the Norse god Odin dispensing gifts to children on his 8-legged horse Sleipnir, who the children would leave carrots and hay for in their boots by the chimney in exchange for candy. And I don’t believe for a second that all our Christmas carols have their roots in paganism thanks to villagers going into the forest to sing songs to wake up the sleeping trees to induce the end of winter and give a bountiful spring harvest. Or Anglo-Saxons going from house to house exchanging alcoholic drinks for money. And I love putting mistletoe up in my house, and there’s no way I’ll ever believe that mistletoe had great significance for fertility, love, and peace in the pre-Christian world ranging from Rome all the way to the Norse druids and Celts. And I always make sure to put up holly and wreaths on all my doors the day after Thanksgiving. There’s no way that’s a custom that was appropriated from Rome’s Saturnalia! Yep, Christmas must be the most original holiday of the year. Totally sui generis! Now, if you’ll excuse me, me and my family are going to go eat a yule log. I don’t know where the word ‘yule’ comes from, but I bet it’s not pagan at all!”
Congratulations on another award-winning Christmas tree, Chris.
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