Donald Trump's Brain Worm Summer
Late August's Dada News headlines!
BIG IF TRUE:
RFK Jr. reportedly endorsed Donald Trump in exchange for an administration job as “Worm Czar.”
The worm in RFK Jr.’s brain decided to endorse Donald Trump because it thought, if it could sneak into Trump’s brain, the eating would be tastier on account of how much fried food Trump has eaten his entire life, meaning his brain must be extra fatty and greasy.
Stephen Miller and RFK Jr. have reportedly become best friends since Kennedy joined the Trump campaign, bonding over their shared passion for doing things with animal carcasses.
Kamala Harris says the only debate rule she cares about is that Trump must be at least 15 feet away so his well-documented stench isn’t too distracting.
Donald Trump is threatening to make all Republican members of Congress boycott Fox News if they keep publishing polls of Kamala Harris’s lead growing.
Trump claims Democrats are teaching millions of illegal immigrants how to pick up random telephones and say, “I support Kamala Harris,” in English, and that’s why polls are giving Harris a widening lead.
Stephen Miller and RFK Jr. have reportedly been hanging out a lot together in Miller’s basement, which he doesn’t even let his wife ever see what he does down there.
The Secret Service reportedly had to install glass barriers between the front seats and back seats of the vehicles they use for driving Donald Trump because he’s so angry about his declining poll numbers the risk of him trying to choke another agent is rising dramatically.
Donald Trump reportedly claimed to Mar-a-Lago members tonight that the DNC is rigging the Nielson ratings by giving money to all their illegal immigrant voters to buy dozens of TVs each and turn them all to the Democratic convention, and that’s why Harris has better ratings.
Despite tweeting 113 times throughout Kamala Harris’s convention speech and directly referencing her quotes, Donald Trump claims no one watched it.
Donald Trump reportedly hasn’t been returning J.D. Vance’s phone calls since the RFK Jr. endorsement.
RFK Jr.’s brain worm reportedly snuck into Donald Trump’s brain through his ear during RFK’s appearance at a campaign event at Mar-a-Lago this weekend, accomplishing its year-long mission to use its host body to gain access to Trump’s brain.
The morning following Kamala Harris’s convention speech, Fox News reportedly didn’t pick up the phone as Donald Trump called 17 times between 6:09 am and 12:19 pm to try and rant on Fox’s morning shows about Harris being a communist.
Staffers close to Donald Trump say he has been increasingly asking questions about prison since Kamala Harris entered the race and surged the Democrats’ poll numbers, and he has eaten fried chicken for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day of this week.
Steve Bannon has reportedly made a Black friend in prison, and has now given up writing his planned sequel to Mein Kampf.
RFK Jr. said at a campaign event with Donald Trump that he has eaten human meat on two occasions.
Several Trump staffers say he’s approaching an “end-of-war-Hitler type of psychosis” in campaign meetings because he has begun bringing around printouts of the 1984 electoral map on which he has crossed out Reagan’s name with a Sharpie marker and written his own name.
Trump claims Harris is going to cheat in the debates by using a hologram version of herself that’s actually AOC doing an impression of Harris with an ear pierce in that lets Bernie Sanders feed her lines to say as he reads out of the Communist Manifesto.
There’s a new reality show being developed called “Republican City” that will have contestants live for a year in a town where everyone is armed, there’s no minimum wage or healthcare, pollution and child labor are allowed, and women’s rights revert to the 1950s.
Kamala Harris is reportedly planning to bring a bottle of Febreze to the debate to keep behind her podium in case Donald Trump smells worse than usual as some kind of dirty campaign trick or psychological warfare tactic.
Donald Trump claims immigrants are sneaking into Americans’ houses during the day while everyone is at work, and picking up the phones when pollsters call to recite from phonetic memory, “I vote India lady,” and that’s, Trump claims, why Harris is surging in the polls.
RFK Jr. reportedly told Mitch McConnell he “may or may not have a Galapagos tortoise's head he decapitated” that he’d be willing to sell to McConnell’s post-politics “National Turtle Museum” project for the right price.
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Haha. "National Turtle Museum"
I heard Trevor Noah saying in drumfp voice "I vote for Indian lady"