Donald Trump's Mother's Day Message Is Classic Trump
"Happy Mother's Day to all my wives who I've always been totally loyal and 100% dedicated to!"
It’s your favorite president here, Donald J. Trump, the most-respecting-of-mothers president this country has ever had, maybe even more than Lincoln and Washington combined!
Having been totally vindicated in my rape trial against that awful woman E. Jean Carroll, who my lawyers proved without a doubt lied about everything no matter what the jury said or how many millions of dollars I am legally required to give her, I have a special message for all the mothers of my children, who I’ve always been totally loyal and 100% dedicated to: Happy Mother’s Day!
I’d also like to wish a very warm happy Mother’s Day to all the suburban white moms out there who better switch back to voting for Republicans in 2024! But not just any Republicans, only me. I don’t want anyone who voted for Ron DeSanctimonious, or those nasty women like Nikki Haley, Liz Cheney, or any other dogs who might run against me! I feel sorry for their kids. What horrible, rag-soaking monsters those mothers are! Don’t celebrate any RINO mothers out there this Mother’s Day!
But on this day we recognize all the good mothers who do so much for our kids, particularly mine. I never changed a diaper or cooked a dinner one time in my life, even though I have at least 5 kids. But they all turned out pretty good and not weird at all!
Don Jr. is great at politics, Eric is so good at finding unique ways to profit from fundraisers for children’s cancer charities, and, of course, Ivanka is a great mother herself. If you don’t mind a little locker room talk, she’s a total MILF. Her kids are so lucky to have her as their mom. Oh, how I wish I could have been up in that womb, or drank some milk from those magnificent jugs. If she wasn’t my daughter, she probably would have let me! Her kids were the luckiest little babies in the world. Too bad babies don’t form memories yet while they’re still breastfeeding. I’ve asked my grandkids to remember what it was like, but they can’t remember any good details!
And Barron is so tall. I knew the Trump genes gave us big brains, but who knew the Trump genes could make such tall legs too. There’s just nothing my superior Trump genes can’t do! Thankfully his mom’s genes were more recessive than the Trump genes. Melania is looking a little alien-ish these days. I keep a credit card for my wives to do whatever cosmetic surgeries they want, and I usually make sure I divorce them before they do too much. Unfortunately, my political career has necessitated I stay married to Melania much longer than I ever would have if I wasn’t in politics, and it’s starting to hurt the Trump brand. Donald J. Trump is not the kind of guy who has a wife over 50! And she makes me look bad in public never wanting to hold my hand or ride in the same car as me.
But the Christians, they really like monogamy, and I need their votes. They’re already threatening not to vote for me because of the little, itty-bitty rape fines I have to pay to E. Jean Carroll, even though I did so much for them by giving them the anti-abortion Supreme Court judges they love so much. There’s just no loyalty anymore in this world, is there? Sometimes I think I’m the only loyal person left. If these people keep voting for Nikki Haley in the primary even though she dropped out of the race months ago, it will be an even bigger betrayal than Jesus getting crucified. After I’ve done so much for Christians, and the Jews! Jesus may have been the best ever president of Israel, but Jesus never got the US embassy moved to Jerusalem. That was all me!
So the Christians better stay loyal, or maybe I reveal some not so nice details about their beloved judges that maybe makes them have to resign from the Supreme Court. Is Brett Kavanaugh squeaky clean in all those FBI reports we hid from the public? Was Clarence Thomas’s wife the behind-the-scenes glue that held the January 6th coup attempt together? People are talking!
So happy Mother’s Day, everyone! Even the ugly wives of all the RINOs who helped the Democrats steal the 2020 election from me in the worst rigged election in the history of humanity!
To the wives and mothers of Mike Pence, Brian Kemp, Brad Raffensperger, Doug Ducey, Mitt Romney, and all the other RINOs who approved the swing state votes for Biden, voted to impeach me, or are refusing to support me in 2024, you’re all ugly, nasty dogs! But I suppose you somehow birthed little NeverTrumper enemies of the people, so technically this Mother’s Day is still in honor of you and your pussies I’d never grab.
I also want to wish a Happy Mother’s Day to my late first wife, Ivana. Her burial at Trump National Golf Club Bedminster was such an honor for me, and also a tremendous tax break! And I want everyone to know that, right before she died, she called me and admitted she made up the allegation she made in our divorce deposition that I raped her during our marriage. I recorded the call, and I’ll be releasing the audio in two weeks! So it’s 100% verified that no one respects women, especially mothers, more than Donald J. Trump!
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Oh Donald, you sentimental fool, you!
“Pussies I’d never grab” 😆🤨Sure