Don't Let The Fascism Make You Forget Project 2025 Is A Nightmare For Women
The following are Project 2025 ideas that House Republicans are writing bills about
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The following are Project 2025 ideas that House Republicans are writing bills about, but thankfully the GOP’s majority is much too slim to pass any of these, let alone have them passed by the much more moderate Senate:
The creation of a new “DMV” called the Department of Menstrual Vaginas to oversee the rationing of feminine care products, where women must go each month, take a numbered ticket, and wait in long lines before receiving the five tampons OR five pads rationed to them each month by very surly, fundamentalist Christian employees who are bitter about the world because they want to be tradwives but have never had a boyfriend so they’re extra mean to anyone who looks like they might be a liberal floozy.
All girls and women in America must modify their period schedules so that, from now on, they all start bleeding on the 15th of each month so it’s easier for police, GOP legislators, husbands, and fathers to track pregnancies and investigate possible abortions.
“Big Science” must officially announce that the clitoris and G-spot are a hoax, and scientists must stop profiting off the lie that women can enjoy any form of sex for non-procreative purposes because sexual freedom tends to make women turn more liberal on the issue of reproductive rights, which is a well-known gateway freedom to wanting much more hedonistic freedoms, like socialized healthcare.
A national program in public schools where girls, starting in the third grade, will be given a government-issued chicken egg stamped with a “WWJD” logo to bring everywhere they go in order to teach them about the importance of protecting fetuses. If anything happens to the egg, their parents will be fined $35 to replace it, and they will have to spend all morning waiting in line at the DMV (Department of Menstrual Vaginas) to get the new egg. Girls will need to start being introduced to the Kafkaesque labyrinth of bureaucracy on feminine matters early because it will dominate the rest of their lives after they hit puberty.
A program for poor and ethnic minority pregnant women to check in with a “pregnancy compliance officer” every month. Pregnant citizens in the top tax rates will be able to forgo these requirements if they register for “Mother Permits.”
Women will lose the right to vote, and the state will consider women’s familial views and interests protected and democratically exercised by her father until she is married, and her husband following her wedding.
A new medical regulation that doctors must tattoo tally marks on women’s wrists when they go for their first pregnancy checkups so that everyone can compare how many times in their lives they were pregnant with how many children they have. This one is not very popular among the Republican House caucus, even among radical anti-feminists, with many citing privacy rights. Its six co-sponsors have all been accused of either sexual harassment or stalking their ex-wives.
A law that mandates medical schools to invite an Evangelical pastor or a Republican member of Congress to be present when they’re teaching med students about the female reproductive system to ensure they’re not spreading any “liberal propaganda.”
A law that says wives must submit all their prayers to God for their husbands’ approval to make sure they’re not praying for a miscarriage, a Democratic president, or a liberal Supreme Court.
The repeal of prohibition on child marriages because, as GOP Representative Rusty Haddleton of rural Georgia says, “Better a million child brides than a single bastard child.”
The repeal of all laws on bestiality because, as GOP Representative Rusty Haddleton of rural Georgia says, “The more that men can freely have destigmatized sexual relations with farm animals, the less premarital sexual relations they’ll be having with human women.”
The disenfranchisement of women’ vote until the number of abortions in America goes down to zero.
A budget expenditure of a $100 million grant split amongst several, select doctors to begin research on finding biological processes with which men can carry and birth babies instead of women on account of how much more trustworthy and dependable men are over women to not abort babies.
The institution of a new civilian award issued by the President (or Republican-controlled chambers of Congress in the event that the president is a Democrat) for women who die from preventable complications of nonviable pregnancies, such as ectopic pregnancies, called the “Medal of Maternity.”
The addition of a new Constitutional amendment that says married women must “put out” 3 times a week unless they’re pregnant, menopausal, or their husbands have mistresses they’d rather sleep with instead.
Federal recognition of male sperm as “America’s official gamete” over female eggs.
The legalization of public masturbation for men because it is a recognition and exertion of testosterone and masculinity that should be more publicly celebrated.
A policy where male Republican members of Congress with promising careers can get one “abortion coupon” per year per mistress, but no other abortions will be allowed.
Fines of $75 for citizens every time someone thinks “man-on-man thoughts,” and $10 for every time someone thinks “female-on-female thoughts.”
The banning of science and anthropology teachers in public schools from ever again saying “Homo erectus” because it “sounds gay.” The new, GOP-approved classification for humans is “Hetero Jesusus.”
Funding of an after-school program to send Texan public school children into coal mines and oil fields to help stockpile fuel in case the Texan energy grid collapses again. “I’m up for trying anything — even child labor — to help our energy crisis in Texas… except raising taxes on billionaires,” said Governor Abbott.
Censor all public school textbooks to say that female orgasms are a liberal hoax, and that the only “G-Spot” is in Heaven where God is.
A new “hail mary” policy where high school kids who identify as gay or trans must sit in detention one hour a week to watch heterosexual pornography to try and turn them back cisgender and straight.
Mandate every mall Santa carry an AR-15 in the event of a mass shooting at the mall. It would also give them legal immunity for any bystanders they accidentally shoot with a “Good Guy With A Gun” clause in their Santa contracts. [This bill is currently facing intra-party challenges from Republicans who object to the original bill’s mandate that all Santas must have concealed carry permits as an infringement on the Second Amendment.]
Mandate all female members of the state legislature report their menstrual cycles so male members “know when to take their amendment proposals seriously.”
Ban dry humping. [Its sponsors vow it can be enforceable.]
A proposed law by a representative from rural georgia says single women must never bathe their underwear zone so that men are too physically repulsed if they get anywhere near an unmarried vagina to have premarital sex. [Its sponsors vow it can be enforceable.]
The creation of a morality police like Iran uses that patrols liberal cities and inspects women’s cleavage and cameltoe, stops gays from holding hands and kissing, and guards public bathrooms ocularly inspecting every woman’s groin to try and find penises to catch trans women sneaking in.
Put lead back in gasoline “to bring back our energy freedom,” and ignore hysterical women’s Big Science-funded hoaxes that a lot of lead in the air is bad for childhood brain development.
Fund a commission to study the effectiveness of Muslim nations’ multiple daily prayer calls, and explore possible applications of similar policies domestically to make everyone stop and think about the Christian god and Jesus for a few moments. The sponsor of this bill says he’s trying to avoid the installation of minarets everywhere with loudspeakers because it looks “too Muslim,” but he would like a more “American version” of the idea. One idea was to fund the installation of loudspeakers on every gun store and range in America to tie in America’s worship of the Second Amendment, but other Republicans noted that then the prayer calls would never reach liberals who don’t hang around or live near gun shops — and “liberals need to hear the recurring prayer calls the most.”
Take away women’s right to take out bank loans without a husband or father co-signing.
Legalize polygamy with a permit system in Utah as a “laboratory of democracy” kind of experiment that offers a tax-free-for-life incentive to all men who conceive 6 or more children “to defeat America’s enemies whether Islam, Chinese, Woke, feminist, or Democratic.” [Much debate is ongoing over how to write this bill to try an make sure only white, conservative women are getting through the somewhat burdensome process obstacles to obtain the required “Mother Permits.”]
Debate and craft a delicately phrased bill that would legally make daughters’ virginities the property of their fathers until age 18, and the creation of an insurance system so that fathers, who pay a monthly premium, get monetary or tax relief if their daughters turn liberal.
Pass a “Groomer Tax” on Cheerios branded cereals for looking too much like little buttholes, and a higher tax on Froot Loops for looking like even gayer little buttholes.
Ban school cafeterias from serving sausages, bananas, corn dogs, or any other phallic-shaped foods for lunch because they could turn the boys gay or drive the girls into deliriums trying to tempt the boys and steal their virginities.
Mandate that women must pay for concealed-carrying permits for their vaginas.
Pass an “Anti-Spinster Law” that would force every woman to get married by 30 or the state will intervene and arrange a marriage for her with a self-identified incel under the rationale that sex is a Biblically inalienable right for men.
Make it illegal for women to tell jokes about men’s penis size. [Though there is considerable disagreement over whether the punishment should be a fine or two weeks in prison.]
Funding for new textbooks for public schools that claim slavery abolitionists were the “real racists.”
Congrats on getting through that, that got long and weird lol. Was it funny? Too fucked up? Somewhere awkwardly in the Uncanny Valley of things Republicans might literally try to do? It’s such an odd phenomenon being a satirist and hustling to stay ahead of the proliferating fascist delusions in the US. The line with Trump between believability and absurdity is so thin — if you heard any one of these on the news would it really surprise you much? — and Trump’s deranging of America makes it difficult to stay ahead of the real life absurd. 🥃
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Wow! Handmaid's Tale on steroids. Your imagination awes!
👏👏👏👏👏OMG yes! I love it, this is exactly what us women need right now! A laugh, a spoof… and to bring attention to how god damn ridiculous it is that all these power hungry cheezus freaks want to control the most intimate & life-giving parts of us! F off gilead-dreamers!