Fred Trump Really Screwed Us By Not Hugging Donald As A Kid
No Trump ever won a “Father of the Year” Award.
Donald Trump’s efforts as president quickly earned him a spot in the bottom five presidents in US history.
His life puts him pretty low in the list of all-time Americans as well. He inherited a lot of money and his dad’s real estate empire, and made his money (and went bankrupt multiple times) screwing over virtually every person and company that ever worked with him or for him. From not paying contractors, to selling his personal debts to his companies he’d let go bankrupt, to committing fraud in his marketing and bank loan solicitations, to never paying taxes, Donald Trump is a shitty American.
Trump has been involved in, literally, thousands of lawsuits, including one in which the US government showed he was a racist slumlord. He also casually admitted to sexually assaulting married women to impress, of all people, Billy Bush.
Meanwhile, Trump spends a spectacular percentage of his time talking about himself to anyone who will listen, and complaining about how no one in the history of the universe has ever been treated as unfairly as him. He is a compulsive liar, and an egomaniac narcissist. He admits that his driving life force is thirst for vengeance. He forgives no one, and returns none of the loyalty he demands from his underlings. He throws anyone and everyone under the bus. The only people in the world he won’t insult for a modicum of some temporary, short-term personal benefit are dictators like Vladimir Putin and his white supremacist supporters.
The only clue to how he turned out so shitty is his admission that his dad was a terrible dad growing up. His dad also may have been a KKK enthusiast, since he was arrested following a KKK rally. It’s unclear, but, seeing how racist Trump turned out, it’s a fair assumption to believe the police picked Fred up after he tripped on his white robes while running away. And someone had to teach Donald the racism, right? So we can all agree, fuck Fred Trump, right? He really screwed us over with Donald.
If Donnie loses the next election and starts a civil war, or gets elected goes full fascist dictator, or starts a nuclear war, it all might have been prevented if Fred had just hugged little baby Donnie once or twice.
Just consider Trump’s crimes both legal and moral:
Extorting President Zelensky and Ukraine, attempting election fraud in Georgia to “find” 11,780 votes, witness intimidation, political bribery, campaign finance fraud via paying hush money to Stormy Daniels and many other campaign finance violations, obstruction of the Mueller investigation, obstruction of Congress, obstruction of justice, collusion with Russian connections, collusion with Saudi Arabia to put sociopathic Muhammed bin Salman in power, lying about the murder of Jamal Khashoggi, excessive emoluments clause violations, excessive Hatch Act violations, betraying the Kurds militarily for inexplicable reasons, charity fraud, stock fraud, money laundering, encouraging Stephen Miller’s migrant cages at the border, losing migrant children and other gross negligence in processing refugees and migrants, university fraud, absurd nondisclosure agreements, incitement of violence, inspiring incels and neo-Nazis, giving out undeserved security clearances, nepotistic choices in executive advisers, attacks on the media, unConstitutional executive overreach, thinly veiled requests for gun violence perpetrated against his political opponents and critics, ineptitude during natural disasters, willful negligence with COVID, daily lies, perjury, record-breaking tax evasion, blatant revolving-door collusion with Fox News and other far-Right media organizations, top-secret nuclear secrets he stole and hoarded at Mar-a-Lago, war mongering against Iran and Venezuela and North Korea, assassinating Iranian officials, threatening all kinds of war crimes, endorsing police brutality, conducting insecure phone calls with autocratic leaders in bed from his cell phone, the sexual harassment and assault of dozens of women, attempted election fraud in Arizona, the crackpot election lawsuits by Rudy Giuliani, January 6th, the demonization of America’s ethnic and religious minorities, and dining with a proud Nazi, Nick Fuentes, and a proud Nazi sympathizer, Kanye West.
Don’t be upset with me because of how many moral shames I couldn’t remember that Donald Trump perpetrated against American society and our democracy. There’s just so many.
So, to the Ghost of Fred Trump: thanks a lot for failing as a father, asshole!
Thanks for your eyeballs!
—Dash MacIntyre
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It's literary, of course, but you missed all its immoral qualities.