Greenland MPs Say Trump's Hands Are "Too Small To Take Greenland"
And this week's other Dada News headlines!
A top minister of Greenland said today, “Donald Trump’s hands are too small, and his fingers too tiny and covered in fried chicken grease, to ever get a hand on my beloved island.”
A top government official in Greenland says Trump can never come to Greenland because their island bans the importation of foreign mushrooms.
Trump reportedly wants to use tax dollars to buy a “Trumpiana Purchase” for himself with land from Mexico and Canada, and then institute territorial constitutions where he has unchecked power, no term limits, and incest is legal.
A top minister of Greenland says his island will agree to become a US territory in exchange for Trump unredacting and releasing all the Epstein files in which Trump’s name is blacked out.
QAnon said today, “The Gaetz Report is the last straw of Donald Trump betraying the MAGA movement by nominating a cabinet full of sex offenders, traffickers, and harassers, and it’s clear Trump was projecting all along when he accused Democrats of being the perverts!”
A top government official in Greenland says Donald Trump can never come to Greenland because their island bans the importation of foreign mushrooms.
Elon Musk is reportedly using D.O.G.E. to obtain the unredacted Epstein files so that he has blackmail on Donald Trump to force Trump to do whatever he wants.The parliament of Greenland just introduced legislation that bans Donald Trump and all his descendants for 100 generations.
Greenland’s governmental social media channels have spent the last several days trolling Donald Trump by posting nothing but pictures of the island’s many windmills.
After threatening Canada and Greenland, Donald Trump now says he also wants to annex the settlement of “Jonestown” from Guyana because of how loyal the people there were.
A staffer reportedly just showed Donald Trump a picture of the Greenland sharks that can live up to 500 years, and now he says he no longer wants to buy the island.
Mar-a-Lago members have reportedly turned on Elon Musk for his pro-immigration views, and are now calling him “Emerald Boy” to his face.
Trump is reportedly livid that Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy just started an ideological civil war in MAGA world over immigration, and vowed this morning he’d take care of it as soon as his golf tournament is over this weekend.
Matt Gaetz has reportedly been researching the history of the US government all week to find a person who fell deeper into disgrace he can still punch down at.
Several members of Denmark’s parliament have reportedly been posting pictures of Donald Trump’s small hands since Trump announced he wanted to buy their island.
Trump is reportedly furious with Republicans for refusing to confirm Matt Gaetz, and was overheard shouting into his phone at Mar-a-Lago this morning, “Where am I supposed to find another attorney general with as much blackmail to do what I want as Gaetz?”
Elon Musk and Donald Trump reportedly just high-fived after they told each other how much money their parents spent supporting them as they were starting out in their careers.
Trump is reportedly starting to think he should have waited longer and vetted his cabinet picks more.
Trump is reportedly furious after the D.O.G.E. committee has recommended presidents only get the funding to golf once a month.
Evangelical pastors are coming out strongly against Trump’s idea to make Greenland a state, and Pastor Randy Mickeldenne claimed, “The European Danish who live there will make the US more gay, or at least more metrosexual.”
Trump has mandated that from now on every chair Elon Musk gets during meetings be smaller than his chair. 🥃
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Tiny baby hands!😂
😁😁😁