In Honor Of Mother's Day, Here Are 10 Tips For Trump On How To Avoid Assaulting Women
And being sued for $83 million like E. Jean Carroll did!
If you find a woman alone in a dressing room, elevator, or any other place, don’t “move on her like a bitch.”
If taking women out furniture shopping makes you uncontrollably horny, let women buy their own furniture from now on.
If popping Tic Tacs gives you a Pavlovian urge to assault women, switch to a different mint or candy treat.
If your best friend frequently invites you to parties with underage girls that he pays for sexual favors, stop attending his parties, flying to his private island, or just stop being friends with him altogether.
Aim higher on your financial goals. If you really focus on saving your money so you can reach a higher ranking on the Forbes list of billionaires, you’ll likely decide it’s not worth it to risk paying more $83.3 million lawsuits for assaulting women and then defaming them afterwards.
When out in public, occasionally remind yourself that other people do not like to hear dirty men say “locker room talk” or sexually suggestive things about their own daughters.
Remember that women’s locker rooms and bathrooms are for women only, and that you do not belong in there even if you do host the beauty pageants in which those women are participating. And, if they’re teenagers, remember that it’s an even bigger crime to go snooping in there.
Try only going out with a friend, someone big and strong, who can accompany you and help physically restrain you from assaulting women if you start trying to use your celebrity to suddenly kiss them.
Consider no longer carrying blank non-disclosure agreements with you everywhere you go. If it’s a hassle to find a printer nearby in order to print out a nondisclosure agreement, that could be enough of an obstacle to help you decide it’s too much effort to do any assaulting today!
Wear big winter gloves on your hands at all times so that even if you feel the urge to grab women by the pussy you literally can’t. That also has the added benefit of making your hands look bigger, and everyone knows you’ve been extremely self-conscious about your hand size since Spy Magazine started calling you a “short-fingered vulgarian” in the 80s! 🥃
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Wondering where the diversity is in the picture of these so called “moms”. Oh yeah he hates black, brown, Asian, or anyone not named Karen. Except the short little guy on the bottom right. Whoever that is..
This picture doesn't to represent American Mom's… Great tips though.