Isn't It Nice Not Hearing From, Or Thinking About, Elon Musk Every Day?

His descent into madness did inspire lots of Dadaist, graffiti news though!

May 29, 2025

A lookback at the top Halfway Post headlines about Elon Musk, Twitter, and Tesla:

Tesla investors are calling out Elon Musk for being “the boy who cried self-driving cars, hyperloops, Mars landings, and neural links” with annual fraud promises to inflate his stocks, and they now say it’s time for Musk to be “the boy who cried because he’s broke.”
Officials for ICE are now asking citizens to stop calling their hotline 24/7 to report Elon Musk as an immigrant who should be deported.
Musk is reportedly beginning to worry he’s not actually funny, and he has self-deceivingly surrounded himself with annoying, opportunistic suck-ups who fake laugh at all his juvenile jokes, and cheer on his most unwise and cringey ideas.
Musk reportedly fears the world will soon catch on and realize how much of his liquid cash comes from loans backed by his Tesla stock holdings, so, if concerned investors and Musk critics can crash Tesla’s value, he’ll suddenly be broke and forced to sell Twitter, and then he’ll stop fucking up everything he injects himself into.
Musk is reportedly furious everyone keeps referring to his D.O.G.E. assistants as “Elon’s Twinks.”
Musk was reportedly caught several times at Mar-a-Lago eavesdropping on conversations behind closed doors that Donald Trump was having without him.
Trump reportedly complained to staffers often that Elon Musk was tweeting too much, and that Musk was “coming across as desperate for attention.”
Trump has reportedly been complaining to his staffers that Musk is “more annoying, needy, and clingy than Eric.”

A new poll found that 72% of Americans support bringing back the ancient Greek democracy’s tradition of ostracism to banish Elon Musk from America for the next ten years.
D.O.G.E.’s final conclusions from its AI-based analysis of the federal bureaucracy found that Trump’s expenses for Diet Coke, hair spray, and weekly golf trips make him cost the government more than several welfare programs.
Trump reportedly still hasn’t paid for the Tesla vehicle he “bought” from Elon Musk.
The International Eugenics Committee has formally requested Elon Musk not have any more kids, and stop polluting the human gene pool.
Elon Musk reportedly fears the secretive feminist mafia that calls itself “The Cliterati” is behind all of the nation-wide Tesla protests, but he has no evidence because the Cliterati are so hard to find.
Trump called into Fox News tonight and claimed that he and Elon Musk both took an IQ test at Mar-a-Lago this weekend, and his score was higher.
Musk reportedly says he still can’t believe Trump would throw him under the bus as soon as D.O.G.E. started getting a little unpopular.
Trump reportedly feuded with Elon Musk’s 4-year-old son because little X kept calling him “Orange Man” to his face for months.
The Tesla Cybertruck is the most hated vehicle in history going back to 1909 when automobile polls began.
A new poll finds that 70% of Americans now think Elon Musk’s success at Tesla and SpaceX must be due to other people.
Tesla is reportedly looking to hire a 21-year-old twink to barge into Elon Musk’s office at the Tesla headquarters, tell him he’s fired, and then declare every expense Musk has made is “fraud, waste, and abuse.” 🥃

Check out the live Brain Milk chat I did with Adrian Polk yesterday:
The Halfway Café goes live with Adrian Polk at The Halfway Cafe.substack.com

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