Josh Hawley Claims He’s Being Targeted By A Feminist Mafia Group Called “The Cliterati”
This week’s Dada news headlines from The Halfway Post!
The Illuminati just announced they are merging with the feminist mafia called the “Cliterati,” and will stop at nothing to get Joe Biden reelected.
After the Miami police fingerprinted Donald Trump, his prints matched some found at a crime scene of a McDonalds robbery in the 1970s.
Mike Pence has reportedly been telling top GOP donors that God told him in a vision Donald Trump will have a heart attack and die any day now.
The FBI reportedly did DNA testing on the fecal matter collected from the top secret documents Donald Trump kept in his bathroom at Mar-a-Lago, and have identified 7 Saudi nationals, 2 Russians, 3 Israelis, 4 Chinese, and 1 N. Korean who perused the files while pooping.
Ron DeSantis just told a classroom of elementary schoolers that Mickey Mouse’s brain was infected with the woke mind virus, and is being eaten from the inside out.
A trans rights group is demanding Marjorie Taylor Greene only compete in CrossFit competitions against other Sasquatch athletes.
“I was fooled by Rudy Giuliani’s manly charisma and sexual magnetism,” said one of the fake Georgia electors involved in the scheme to submit fraudulent electoral college votes in 2020.
Hunter Biden says he can prove he has been invited, and turned down the invitations, to several GOP coke orgies hosted in Chuck Grassley’s “f*ck dungeon.”
Melania Trump has been wearing her “I really don’t care, do u?” jacket since her husband got arrested.
A group of QAnon fans in Idaho have vowed that, if Trump gets imprisoned, they’ll commit various felonies so they can protect him from the other inmates and be his servants.
Donald Trump: “The Deep State is not coming after me, they’re coming after you. I’m just standing in their way. So come back in front of me, and make a human shield to protect me. Don’t let them get me. Keep me out of jail at all costs. Do all you can! Do another insurrection!”
The DOJ reportedly has an audio recording of Donald Trump telling Kanye West during one of their Oval Office meetings, “You want to get back at the Jews by taking this folder of top secret documents on Israel’s nuclear program?”
A hospital in the most MAGA town in America just bought 20 iron lungs because of an outbreak of polio after the mayor declared all vaccines were a “socialist brainwashing plot to inject people with Satan’s semen.”
Legal scholars say West Virginia now officially gives more explicit rights to coal mines than women.
A local conservative says that every time two men kiss on a TV show or movie he’s watching with his kids, he has to play his kids an hour of straight porn to undo all the gay grooming.
A new survey of GenZ girls shows their biggest fear in life is getting pregnant in a red state.
Donald Trump was reportedly difficult to fingerprint in the Miami federal courthouse because of the fried chicken grease and dried ketchup coating his fingers.
Ron DeSantis bussed a group of migrants to Mar-a-Lago today.
The competition between Donald Trump and Mike Lindell to see who can win a game of Wordle first has been going on for 6 months.
Donald Trump is reportedly furious about how the court drawings of him at his arraignment make him look stupid.
Donald Trump says being locked up in prison without any media attention, fast food, or Adderall will quite literally kill him.
Historians conclude Germany was not sending its best in 1885 when Frederick Trump came to America.
BREAKING: Melania Trump appears to have just made a profile on the dating app Tinder.
Lindsey Graham was seen at Donald Trump’s arraignment today in Miami wearing a t-shirt that said “Trump can grab this pussy.”
Ron DeSantis says he had no clue so many male performers at Disney World who love singing and dancing were gay.
Donald Trump is reportedly demanding that Ivanka and Jared should give him some of the $2 billion they got from the Saudis for Father’s Day.
Judge Aileen Cannon is mandating that the Miami federal courthouse makes McDonalds catering available every day Trump is on trial to keep him comfortable during the proceedings.
The political group “Blacks 4 Trump” is reportedly offering $100 on Craigslist for any Blacks who will show up to Trump’s arraignment and hold signs that say “Trump is being treated worse than a slave.”
Local MAGA voter Ralph Winters just did the math, and was surprised to find out that the $11 million Hunter Biden’s company reportedly made over several years is less than 1% of the lump sum Jared Kushner got from Saudi Arabia.
Nikki Haley says she will pardon Donald Trump if she is elected president, appoint him as vice president, then resign so he can be president and she will be his loyal vice president.
Buried in Trump’s indictment is a detail that suggests the North Korean military catfished him pretending to be an aspiring Korean model, and got Trump to send them naked photos of himself.
Thanks for your eyeballs!
—Dash MacIntyre
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