Kevin McCarthy Is Gangrene For The Republic, & Other Thoughts
The GOP’s rotten corpse is starting to smell.
Some assorted thoughts on how the putrid Republican Party is really starting to stink:
I think an undervalued lesson from the midterms is that we’re lucky Republicans have simultaneously gone so far down their rabbit hole of conspiracies and so far up their mountain of bullshit that the majority of Americans have not followed along and genuinely don’t know what they’re talking about when they rant incessantly about all their culture war battles.
If Kevin McCarthy wasn’t such a dumb, opportunistic, intellectual lightweight incapable of reading the room after these red whimper midterms and oblivious to what a hostage situation he’s gotten himself into depending on Donald Trump’s erratic crybaby lack of loyalty to anyone and Marjorie Taylor Greene’s QAnon-mean-girl-Karen-queen schtick, he’d tell the GOP’s House wackos and the Freedom Caucus to all fuck off and begin making deals with Democrats and President Biden to pass moderate compromise bills that actually functionally govern the country instead of vowing to waste the next two years pyrrhically pursuing Biden impeachments, revenge investigations into Democrats and January 6th Committee members, and pointless Culture War battles pushing America repeatedly to the edge of one stupid fiscal cliff or ideological kamikaze attack after another.
If North Korea nuked Hawaii, the GOP would cheer Kim Jong Un for making Biden look bad. There is no legitimate patriotism left in the GOP. There is only desperation for any short-term political opportunism available no matter where it comes from, no matter how politically hypocritical, no matter how ideologically inconsistent.
The more we know about Trump’s deranged behavior and mental state while serving as president, the more all the ex-staffers from the Trump White House need to be told go go fuck themselves every time they ask for pundits job by the mainstream media.
Is the Biden Administration doing enough to clean house at the Secret Service to root out all the MAGA agents and officials there? The Trump loyalists should lose their jobs just on account of what terrible judgment and common sense it is to really think Trump was a good president. Can you imagine being a Secret Service agent and on a daily basis seeing the White House schedule be put on pause while Trump wakes up and spends two hours getting his hair fixed and makeup applied while binging Fox News, complaining if they’re not complimenting him enough, and throwing plates and smearing ketchup on the walls? Then he comes down and spends a few more hours during his “Executive Hours” watching the news and live-tweeting his reactions to it punctuated by calling for a Diet Coke every half hour. And occasionally he goes into a Cabinet meeting and gets everyone around the table to monologue for a minute about how great he is. Then he goes golfing and cheats several times, ranting about himself to anyone within earshot, and bragging about his real estate properties and how unfair everyone treats him. The Secret Service agents who saw all that for four years and still wanted to help Trump pull off a coup on January 6th and then deleted all their text messages aren’t just traitors, they’re giant idiot morons whose judgment is too impaired to do the job.
Republicans are full of dumpster policies based on made up cultural grievances powered by staggeringly unpatriotic and unAmerican partisanship that never misses an opportunity to turn the most mundane current event into a maelstrom of fake moral outrage in order to try and continue forcing a preposterous, identity-politicked ethno-nationalism on a country that has never realistically fit their moronic, fictionally nostalgic conception of “Real America.”
The conservative utopia is everyone working with no minimum wage, getting thrown off healthcare when sick, chronic pandemics and economic collapses cause “government is the problem,” rivers on fire, old people on the street, and lead water pipes… but everyone is white.
“America First” is a cancer, and both American and global freedom are fortunate the American people voted to cut it out of our domestic and foreign policy in 2020. Many Americans may have grown unaccustomed to qualified, competent leadership thanks to the Trump years of ceaseless juvenility, scandals and crises, but Joe Biden’s leadership actually dignifies the authority of American power and honors the sacred responsibility of true American exceptionalism. …But just imagine how many phone calls Trump probably did with various world leaders where he’d just start rambling and shitting on America and Obama and all our other previous presidents.
Since Rudy Giuliani has lost his law license, the only pay-to-play scheme he can do anymore is to spend all day in the bathroom at Mar-a-Lago all day to reserve the stall next to the one Trump uses and sell access to it when Trump comes in to take a blue Adderall-stained dump.
Thanks for your eyeballs!
—Dash MacIntyre
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