Matt Gaetz Is AlLeGeDlY A Pedophile
Comedy is catharsis for this fascist era we find ourselves living in.
Matt Gaetz is AlLeGeDlY a creepy pervert, and has AlLeGeDlY attended drug-fueled sex parties, and has AlLeGeDlY participated in the trafficking of girls, and has AlLeGeDlY shown other Republican members of Congress photos of girls he claims he had sex with, and AlLeGeDlY claimed he takes erectile dysfunction pills.
The Halfway Post reached out to some of Matt Gaetz’s friends, and they shared some of the following pickup lines Gaetz uses on women when he’s soliciting them for prostitution:
“I have a Venmo transaction for $500 with the emoji of an eggplant in the description with your name on it, girl.”
“You look kind of like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and, despite what I say about her on Fox News, I’m obsessed with her.”
“Hey, sweetheart, would you like a twenty dollar bill laundered from Florida by the tax collector of Seminole County to snort this mountain of cocaine?”
“Hey, Girl, you like guys with rich parents who still call their fathers ‘Daddy’ when asking for money?”
“If you send me any nudes, I’ll make sure the former and future President of the United States sees it, and I’ll let you know what number between 1 and 10 he gives your body.”
“What age would you choose if you could have a fake ID with any age on it? Cause I know a guy.”
“On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight to do these coke lines?”
“Are you a rigged election? Cause you’re giving me an insurrection right now.”
“I can’t wait to show you off to Nestor.”
“Hey, girl, you’re looking at the only guy in Congress who voted against protections for sex-trafficking victims.”
“I have coke. You want coke? I’ll give you coke. Here, have some coke. Fine, more coke for me then! You’re ugly anyway! F*ck you, b*tch! You’re never getting a no-show job for my campaign now!”
“I may just be really rolling on ecstasy, but your eyes are the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. They’re also really bright. Can you turn them down a little?”
“Hey, girl, I just crushed a dozen Viagras and snorted them.”
“Are you Joe Biden? Cause I’d love it if you came down into my basement and never came out!”
“You’re looking at the guy who took away Kevin McCarthy’s gavel.”
“I get invited to the hottest GOP coke orgies in Washington D.C. at Senator Chuck Grassley’s house down in his f*ck dungeon.”
Guess these other pickup lines from America’s presidents!
(Answers given below)
“Hey girl, wanna climb to the top of Mt. Vernon?”
“I hold this truth to be self-evident, that I am endowed by my creator with a certain, inalienable boner.”
“Is your dress from the Gorbachev Outlet Mall, cause I’m about to tear it down!”
“Wanna know why they call me Tricky Dick?”
“Your body’s so spectacular I’m going to designate it as a national park.”
“You ever done it on a wheelchair?”
“I want you to do things to my asshole I’ll have to pardon you for.”
“Excuse me, miss, but you’re giving me a missile crisis in my pants.”
“Hey, hottie, you’re just my type — you look like my daughter!”
“I’d love to proclamate the emancipation of them titties from that brassiere of yours.”
“My lovers always come back a second time.”
“I’m gonna have to do something about those weapons of mass erection you’re hiding in your blouse.”
“I have a free trade deal going on with a Mexican girl and a Canadian girl, wanna join in?”
“If you want to get real freaky, I won’t say a word to anyone.”
“These mutton chop sideburns of mine are for holding onto while you ride my face like I’m the Pony Express.”
“Read my lips: no premature ejaculation!”
“That wet pussy of yours may be a pre-existing condition, but don’t worry, I got you covered.”
“You know, you and I could do some interracial stuff that’ll lose us the South for a generation.”
“I won’t stop charging at your clitoris until it agrees to unconditional surrender.”
“My wife has made her decision that I can’t have any side hoes, now let her enforce it.”
“I nuked my underwear last night dreaming of you.”
“Your skin would make a lovely coat for my collection.”
“Hey, bitch, wanna f***?”
1. Washington
2. Jefferson
3. Reagan
4. Nixon
5. T. Roosevelt
6. F. Roosevelt
7. Ford
8. Kennedy
9. Trump
10. Lincoln
11. Cleveland
12. W. Bush
13. Clinton
14. Coolidge
15. Arthur
16. H. W. Bush
17. Obama
18. L. Johnson
19. Grant
20. Jackson
21. Truman
22. Van Buren
23. Eisenhower 🥃
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