McCarthy’s Gavel Quest Has Been One Of The Craziest Weeks Of The Century
Why winning the House was a misfortune for the GOP.
For four days, Kevin McCarthy has failed to win a Speaker vote, upsetting a century-long record of promptly electing a Speaker of the House.
Republicans can’t agree on a Speaker because their divisions are too great on too many issues, such as democracy, libertarian anarchism, government shutdowns, fiscal cliffs, defaulting on the Federal debt, Ukraine, Russia, Donald Trump, the MAGA movement, January 6th, QAnon, etc., which means they’re not likely to agree on any legislation.
The Republican Party is the dog that caught the car, and they have no idea what to do with majority House power now that they have it. They can’t even agree on the rules of order and conduct they want to use.
A good number want the right to call for a vote to replace Kevin McCarthy every day of his Speakership, and derail any of his legislative strategies. The closer Kevin McCarthy gets to a deal, the closer he gets to an impotent Speakership with a legacy of insignificance.
So winning the House was a misfortune for the GOP because their partisan politics have transcended philosophy and even ideology into mere reactionary obstructionism that is currently backfiring to the point that even Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert are feuding with each other. With majority power, House Republicans have only each other to obstruct now.
It’s fun to watch, but it’s also a painful reminder that Republicans are still busy assaulting our democracy and sabotaging our government.
Anyway, here’s a week’s worth of Dada news tweets delighting in the schadenfreude of irresponsible, unprofessional Republican politicians at last eating their decades-aged shit sandwich for at least a fleeting moment:
Kevin McCarthy has been wearing his special Speaker of the House underwear for four days straight.
Kevin McCarthy has just agreed to the Freedom Caucus demand that he be locked inside a dog kennel anytime he’s on the House floor.
The Freedom Caucus says it’s going to nominate Vladimir Putin for Speaker of the House on the next round of voting, and Kevin McCarthy fears Putin will win.
Elise Stefanik says if the Freedom Caucus wants a Speaker of the House with even less backbone than Kevin McCarthy, she’s ready and willing to serve.
Kevin McCarthy’s mother has been calling Freedom Caucus members all morning scolding them for not voting for her little Kevin.
Donald Trump says that if he loses even one primary in 2024, he’s going to run 3rd party, launch a Fox News competitor, and start practicing incestual polygamy.
The CEOs of several porn sites all agreed during a public forum that their most perverted customers “by far” are in rural counties of Bible Belt states with supermajority Republican legislatures and MAGA governors.
Kevin McCarthy: “If I’m elected Speaker of the House, I promise to the American people I will publicly display Hunter Biden’s dick picks as my first official action. We are going to show every America whether they want to see it or not.”
Kevin McCarthy says any Republican who doesn’t vote for him for speaker will be banned from all future GOP coke orgies.
Donald Trump says he’s willing to be a compromise choice for Speaker of the House as long as he doesn’t have to read, learn how laws are made, or get out of bed until noon. And he can golf Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
The real winner of Kevin McCarthy’s Speaker vote failures is Hunter Biden’s laptop.
Three Freedom Caucus members are suspiciously now voting for Kevin McCarthy after attending last night’s GOP coke orgy.
Kevin McCarthy was just seen in a bar last night drinking beers with George Santos in a scene eyewitnesses described as “like the Edward Hopper painting Nighthawks.”
John Boehner just delivered a box full of marijuana edibles to Kevin McCarthy.
Kevin McCarthy was just seen pouring a mysterious powder in several Freedom Caucus members’ drinks.
Kevin McCarthy has reportedly agreed to give away all of his Speaker powers in exchange for just being allowed to physically hold the gavel.
MORE OF MY WORK:
George Santos 4 Speaker Of The House
Thanks for your eyeballs!
—Dash MacIntyre
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