Mitch McConnell Now Spends All Day Playing With A Turtle Named Franklin
And this week's other Dada News headlines!
Mitch McConnell is reportedly done trying to deal with MAGA Republicans in Congress, and is increasingly spending his work days lying on the floor of his office creating obstacle courses for his pet turtle Franklin, and timing how fast Franklin can finish them.
A new poll found that 96% of Americans believe we haven’t yet heard the weirdest thing RFK Jr. has done with an animal carcass.
Donald Trump is reportedly asking around at Mar-a-Lago if his guests think it’s a bad time to announce he’s setting aside land on his golf course for a new military cemetery section that would give him an even bigger tax break than he gets for his ex-wife’s grave.
Donald Trump is threatening to sue Joe Biden if he loses in November for $5 billion in fraud damages because Biden dropping out forced him to scrap his “genius campaign strategy that would have won over 400 electoral votes.”
Trump is reportedly asking if people will notice if he just starts saying RFK Jr. is his VP
The Trump campaign reportedly canceled an event at a jubilee for Girl Scouts because they can’t guarantee that a Trump staffer won’t get into an altercation with one of the teen girls, or that J.D. Vance won’t ask them about their menstrual cycles.
RFK Jr. reportedly canceled a campaign event with Donald Trump tonight by texting him, “You won’t believe the head I have right now.”
J.D. Vance says he respects women, but he just thinks women in America should be making different decisions about their health, bodies, families, children, careers, fashion, hobbies, and recreational activities.
An executive behind Project 2025 says he’ll lobby Trump to nationally enforce a 1903 Arizona law that states groups of women three or more can’t ride in cars without a male present.
The FBI did DNA testing on the fecal matter collected from the top secret documents Trump stole and hoarded in his bathroom at Mar-a-Lago, and have identified 7 Saudi nationals, 2 Russians, 4 Chinese, and 1 N. Korean who apparently perused the files while pooping.
Donald Trump reportedly just asked his lawyers, “How come all our legal defense arguments focus on presidential immunity, and we never try to argue that I’m innocent?” which was followed by a long, silent pause where his lawyers just stared at him.
Several Florida Republican state senators are sponsoring a bill that would ban Americans from going into the Red Light District when vacationing in Amsterdam.
Because of Trump’s legal fines and fees for his trials, Mar-a-Lago has now reportedly switched to single-ply toilet paper.
A Fox News host told Donald Trump tonight that his stunt at Arlington was a “particularly insulting example of his egregious and exhausting narcissism,” and Trump’s face turned red as he folded his arms across his chest and shouted, “You weren’t supposed to be tough!”
There’s a viral new trend on TikTok that has Gen Z kids mailing donuts every single day to Donald Trump’s campaign headquarters and J.D. Vance’s Senate office.
A televangelist from Arkansas claims Satan is engineering Taylor Swift’s relationship with Travis Kelce so Swift can give birth to the antichrist and ignite the apocalyptic thousand-year war against Christ.
Fox News accountants have reportedly set aside $1 billion for the inevitable election fraud lawsuits the network expects its hosts will cause this fall.☕
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😂😂😂
lol 😂 and gross 🤮 to the poop part.