NOAA Says It'll Begin Naming Hurricanes After GOP Climate Deniers

And this week's other Dada News headlines!

Photo by NASA on Unsplash\

• NOAA has reportedly renamed Hurricane Milton as “Hurricane Republicans Are Fucking Climate-Denying, Science-Ignorant, Florida-Killing, Militantly Belligerent, 30-Year Idiots.”

• Leaked private texts from JD Vance reportedly show him complaining about campaigning with Donald Trump because of Trump’s “expired roast beef stench.”

• NASA just confirmed that the James Webb Space Telescope has finished scanning the entire visible cosmos and can confidently confirm that Donald Trump is still the whiniest little bitch in the entire universe.

• Donald Trump reportedly just interrupted a wedding reception at Mar-a-Lago for a half hour to rant about how people leave Kamala Harris’s rallies early, not his, and then he got visibly upset when wedding guests started leaving the room.

• Donald Trump audibly farted on Laura Loomer today at Mar-a-Lago.

• Kamala Harris is reportedly hosting a “Windmills for Kamala” themed event tonight.

• A liberal billionaire is reportedly paying for a dozen Haitian immigrants to get an annual membership to Mar-a-Lago.

• The State of New York says if Trump doesn’t pay his legal fines they’ll confiscate Trump Tower and use it to house all the Haitian immigrants he and JD Vance are currently attacking.

• Melania Trump has reportedly been sending Laura Loomer gifts of at-home syphilis tests.

• Donald Trump and Laura Loomer reportedly spent an hour in the Mar-a-Lago dining room together tonight “Lady-and-the-Tramping” McDonald’s french fries.

• Mark Robinson says he has been “vindicated” because his unprecedented personal scandals are “exactly the kind of thing I said would happen if we let the gays get married.”

• The RNC is quietly canceling its second book edition of “Young Guns” that was going to feature Matt Gaetz, Mark Robinson, and Lauren Boebert on the cover.

• Staffers close to Donald Trump are reportedly worried Laura Loomer will try to auction off a nude photo she allegedly took of Donald Trump.

• A secret group that calls itself “The Cliterati” has taken advantage of MAGA fans’ gullibility by selling Trump-themed shoes, watches, and coins for the last eight months, and donating all profits to the Harris campaign.

• Donald Trump is threatening to sue anyone who leaves early at his next campaign rally.

• Donald Trump reportedly tried to sell President Zelensky a Trump watch during their meeting yesterday by telling him, “You know, Putin bought a hundred of these.”

• Fox News says “no one ever heard about hurricanes until Biden and Harris took over.”

• A new study found that heart attacks are twice as likely for people aged 50+ who watch two or more hours of Fox News every night.

• Bald eagles have reportedly stolen all the purple Trump signs in a northern Idaho town.

• Donald Trump is reportedly furious because all his new election lawyers are demanding up-front payments in cash to work for him for the next two months, and he asked his top advisers, “Why do they not trust me?”

• The hacked Trump campaign files Iran stole reportedly include several nude selfies of Donald Trump he took of himself that he is already preemptively claiming are “fake news” in case Iran leaks them.

• Marjorie Taylor Greene has apologized for accusing the government of creating hurricanes, and claims she took an extra large dose of ivermectin to kill the brain worms she got from drinking raw milk for the last six months.

• Merrick Garland says the Department of Justice is on track to appoint a special counsel to begin an investigation into Trump’s evening calls with Putin by May of 2026.

• The Charles Darwin Awards just named Gulf state Republicans as their 2024 winner for obstructing all efforts to combat climate change for the last 30 years.

• A Tampa man who calls himself “MAGA Marty” says he’s not afraid of the hurricane because he believes Joe Biden is “too brain dead to accurately aim a hurricane” at the tent he’s currently living in on the beach, and he fears FEMA will force him to get a COVID vaccine or convert to Islam.

• A western Florida militia made up of several dozen MAGA fans are reportedly stockpiling ammunition and guns at the beach right now, and say they won’t let the government control the weather any longer.

• CBS’s Leslie Stahl says she’s glad Donald Trump is refusing to do another “60 Minutes” interview because in the last one he smelled so bad that after Trump handed her his microphone she “threw up all over” on the giant, blank healthcare plan Kayleigh McEnany gave her. 🥃

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