Republicans In Disarray!
The GOP civil war between moderates and lunatics will fully erupt if Republicans manage to win Congress in November.
The congressional GOP is a mess strung out on its addiction to MAGA cultural rage, which will either prevent Republicans from winning majorities in one or both houses thanks to extremist, idiot candidates losing winnable seats, or allow the GOP dog to catch the car of Congressional power and be paralyzed by its ongoing civil war between center-right normies who want to help Mitch McConnell subvert democracy quietly and radical legislative terrorists inspired by Steve Bannon, Tucker Carlson, and January 6th who want to burn down as much of the government as possible.
Will the mainstream media finally start printing “Republicans in Disarray” headlines? If only! I’ll have to do it for them.
The fact is that not only do Republicans not deserve to win Congressional majorities, it would really be bad for them politically, particularly in the Senate.
The Senate at the moment is comprised of more rational, dare I say sane, Republicans who generally know that Trump has been full of shit his entire life, should not have been president, and should definitely not be president again. Despite all their Trump-aligned votes and MAGA public statements, the Senate’s discomfort with Trump’s ethno-nationalist, totalitarian tendencies has been widely reported by political insiders and reporters who know and regularly talk to them, as well as discussed by former senators Democrat and Republican alike as embarrassed by the alarming dysfunction in Congress, most humorously by Al Franken.
In fact, most GOP senators were opposed to the January 6th attempts in the House to object to various states’ election results and slates of electors, and did not choose to get involved. The two primary objectors in the Senate were Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley, who were blatantly doing so not out of principle or sincere belief that the state elections were rigged, but to establish their pro-Trump bonafides to woo the Republican base in anticipation of their creepily narcissistic 2024 presidential ambitions.
Remember how the complicit Republican senators traded states for their objections because none of them were willing to object to their own state’s electoral processes and certifications? That’s how we know all the objections were completely fraudulent nonsense. Also, Ted Cruz went all-in on the effort, and Ted Cruz makes literally no decision in life without first contemplating whether it will help or hurt his chances of someday being president.
Of course, despite most Senators fully understanding that Trump is a corrupt wannabe dictator, most of them are also cowards, and only seven actually voted to impeach him after January 6th, which would have kept Trump from running for president ever again. Which is something many of them reportedly hope for, though always off the record so as not to be held accountable for such beliefs in their next primary elections.
The House of Representatives is a considerably bigger clusterfuck than the Senate. It’s unfortunately filled with legislative lunatics from safe Republican districts whose only electoral threats come from the extreme right, so from term to term they necessarily have to veer ever further into belligerently conspiratorial nonsense and bonkers QAnon-adjacent fan fiction of Democrats being medieval, fairy tale style monsters and villains. Just like how every Republican is not a racist but all the racists like Republicans… not every Republican thinks Democrats are demonic, blood-drinking baby eaters, but all Republicans pander to and woo the voters who think Democrats are demonic, blood-drinking baby eaters vote Republican.
Who are the current crop of top thought leaders in the House GOP? Kevin McCarthy (dumb) Majorie Taylor Greene (dumber), Lauren Boebert (dumbest), Jim Jordan (a Congressional terrorist nicknamed “Gym” for contemptible reasons), Matt Gaetz (a convincingly accused sex-trafficker and pedophile) and Madison Cawthorn (an extremely blackmailable sex freak and, thankfully, reelection loser) and the collective “Freedom Caucus” generally see it as their job and existential purpose in politics to be loudly unsophisticated and ambitiously ignorant of everything related to public policy, governmental ethics, history, and effective lawmaking. They understand the ideological purpose of Congressional representation to be all about owning the libs. Madison Cawthorn said the quiet part out loud when he said, “I have built my staff around comms rather than legislation,” and tweeted with the authority of a US Representative when he first got elected to say “cry more lib.”
Normally the House always has a few showboating imbecile representatives, and, if you look through US history, every era has been filled with shameless partisan hacks and misguided fools. But they have typically been kept in line as needed by elder, establishment statesmen and stateswomen who take their oaths of office seriously, and actually put the country ahead of self-aggrandizing circus theatrics. Unfortunately, the Republican Party no longer has such strong political leaders of principle or patriotism, particularly in the House.
Following Newt Gingrich’s extremist partisanship, fake moral absolutism, and sadistic personalization of political opposition, GOP House leaders have both found their jobs increasingly impossible and contributed to the impossibilities with always more divisive and obscenely anti-government rhetoric. The ever radicalizing GOP caucuses committed to wrecking institutional norms and shredding Congressional decorum has by now, post-Trump, devolved into a deplorable clown car of radicals who ironically keep running for jobs in the government they don’t ultimately believe should exist.
The GOP has turned so deranged that our most recent Speakers of the House, John Boehner and Paul Ryan, have had to offer themselves up as sacrificial lambs and retire in order to break the Hastert Rule forbidding floor votes on any legislation that doesn’t have a majority of caucus support so they could avoid fiscal cliffs and government shutdowns that would severely damage America’s economy, credibility, and citizens’ livelihoods.
Now the current House Republican leader is Kevin McCarthy, a pathetic Trump brown-nose whose only principle is that he’s willing to do and say anything to become the Speaker of the House.
McCarthy is committed to getting that job no matter the cost to his own dignity. We have seen him try and push back against the crazies in his caucus, and even Trump secretly behind the scenes, only to then lie about it, pander with greater zeal to the crazies, and crawl back to Mar-a-Lago to kiss Trump’s ring in the hope his rare moments of living in reality haven’t irrevocably damaged his chances for the Speakership.
Following the January 6th coup attempt, multiple phone calls were recorded showing that McCarthy was personally infuriated at the insurrectionist mob and at Trump for instigating it, and he voiced his full commitment to impeaching Trump… only to then flip-flop when the majority of Senate Republicans balked (see the cowardice detailed above). Then McCarthy lied to the press and American people about making any such phone calls, and literally no one was surprised when the audio was leaked to the public showing McCarthy is a shameless liar.
For selling his political soul to Trump and the MAGA caucus, it’s clear their support for McCarthy’s future Speakership will last only as long as he suits their immediate, short-term interests, and will evaporate with a single Trump “retruth.”
This means that a Speaker McCarthy, ostensibly the top Republican leader (and third in line to the presidency) would have zero actual political power. He’d be completely beholden to Trump, and would always be afraid of being unceremoniously thrown under the bus at any moment. He’d have no ability to keep the GOP caucus in line, and would be unable to govern in any meaningful way if the craziest, least legislatively interested members of the GOP sour on his ideas or tactics, from Donald Trump to Marjorie Taylor Greene to Fox News.
This does not bode well for a Republican House majority, or the Senate majority in Congress that would have to work with and compromise with the House circus, entrusted with the responsibility of governing the country. Congress already has not been able to write and pass a federal budget in many years, or any big reform package on issues ranging from immigration to healthcare to debt reduction, so does anyone think these will be top priorities for the MAGA Caucus demanding Congress stop everything to illegitimately investigate every Democrat involved in the January 6th Committee and two Trump impeachment trials in retaliation for investigating legitimate Republican crimes? Trump is going to force Kevin McCarthy to vote repeatedly on articles of impeachment against Joe Biden so that Biden is impeached three times, one more than him. Does anyone think Trump would use his political platform, Congressional brown-nosers, and slave Speaker of the House for anything other than petty vengeance?
So one more time for those in the back: Republicans in disarray!
If Republicans take back Congress, America will have a Senate full of cowards who pray some deus ex machina will magically make Trump disappear because they don’t have the political courage to publicly say a bad thing about him, and a House of Representatives full of morons who pride themselves on militant ignorance and making Kevin McCarthy their bitch.
My latest comedy:
God Has No Clue How Republicans Can Look At The World And Think He’s “Pro-Life”
Local Republican Says God Told Him It Was Cool For His Mistress To Get An Abortion
Women, Brown People, Or LGBTQ+: The GOP Says Candidates Can Now Only Hate One Group Per Election
Jesus: “Why I Burned My Republican Party Membership Card”
GOP Senate Candidate Claims Sunburns Prove “God’s Chosen People” Are White
Thanks for your eyeball attention!
-Dash MacIntyre
Fo me on Twitter aat to interrupt your daily doomscrolling with jokes and liberal humor, and follow me on Medium to keep up with my daily writing studio.