RFK Jr. And Stephen Miller Are Best Friends Over Their Shared Love For Dead Animals
And this week's other Dada News headlines!
Donald Trump is reportedly starting to get angry with Stephen Miller and RFK Jr. because they’ve stopped helping him campaign, and instead are spending their days together looking for animal carcasses for “experiments” at night.
During a Fox News board meeting today, one executive reportedly suggested they publish a few articles encouraging conservatives to understand liberals like the NY Times and Washington Post constantly do interviewing MAGA fans in diners, and everyone burst out laughing.
There’s a new app designed to help Christians resist the temptation to masturbate that monitors your Internet browsing so every time you look at pornography it donates $6.66 to Planned Parenthood from your bank account.
Labor Day is reportedly J.D. Vance’s least favorite day of the year because it reminds him of all the child-less women in America who have never gone through labor and birthed any babies.
A new poll found that 93% of Democrats want Tim Walz to make a donut joke about J.D. Vance.
The Trump campaign is holding its breath as J.D. Vance is reportedly about to visit a Mexican restaurant to make small talk with employees as he picks up a to-go order.
The “Mayflower Project” where groups of MAGA Republicans move to Russia has paused operations because the emigrants have realized 99% of Russia does not look like the propagandized videos Vladimir Putin and Tucker Carlson posted from Moscow.
Donald Trump claims that “When Kamala sees a poll that shows she’s losing the election, people say she turns real nasty. They say she screams, and throws her food against the wall, and demands her advisers bring her new polls that show her winning.”
Following Kamala Harris’s surge in all the swing state polls, Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito’s wife was just spotted shopping at a flag store.
Rudy Giuliani is reportedly thinking about running for president in 2028.
Donald Trump reportedly demanded that Kamala Harris not call him “weird” during the debate or mention how he buried his ex-wife on his golf course for a tax break.
Kamala Harris says at the next debate she’s going to bring up windmills and sharks during the debate to get under his skin.
A televangelist from Arkansas claims that if you play Taylor Swift’s latest album backwards it’s full of subliminal messaging that “commands girls to steal boys’ virginity.”
Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert have reportedly made up after years of rivalry and fighting, and are now jointly searching for more dick pics of prominent Democrats because they fought over the Hunter Biden dick pics and accidentally tore them up.
Donald Trump claims tariffs will pay for all Americans to have enough free oil that the US can finally free itself from the “great blight and scourge that is windmills.”
All the cities in which Republicans are accusing immigrants of eating birds and cats match exactly with RFK Jr.’s campaign stops.
The six conservative Supreme Court justices just ruled that because everyone in society could be armed, the “Stand Your Ground” principle applies to preemptively shooting anyone walking toward you within fifteen feet.
Springfield police say there have been no reports of cats or other pets missing like JD Vance claimed, but “dozens of patio couches and other furniture pieces in rural areas have been reported as sexually defiled,” and it appears the rumor that JD Vance has had his way with furniture has launched quite a city-wide copy-cat trend.
Republican Senator Herbert Rankford says he regrets saying “Women’s vaginas and uteruses will treat the conservative Supreme Court justices as liberators.”
A GoFundMe campaign has raised $70,000 for the first person to catch conservative troll Matt Walsh in a pedophile sting operation, and the campaign’s founder says, “Matt Walsh is just too fanatically annoying about groomers to not be one himself.”
Donald Trump accidentally dropped a candle at a Christian prayer dinner event tonight, and caught a Bible on fire. ☕
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Does the dead animal include DJT.
Many of those seem too real to be satire. 😂