Rudy Giuliani’s Friends Say He’s Going To Try To Fake His Death
The Dada news headlines from May, 2023
Rudy Giuliani claims he accidentally tore the label off his Viagra, and was only taking them every 4 hours because he thought they were his Tylenol.
Rudy Giuliani claims ANTIFA keeps pouring out his coffee cups every morning and replacing the coffee with scotch.
Rudy Giuliani has been butt-dialing reporters all night while drunkenly telling unknown acquaintances he’s going to fake his own death.
Rudy Giuliani is reportedly trying to sell a sex tape to pay off his new $10 million lawsuit.
Kaitlan Collins said after the CNN town hall event that Donald Trump must have been on his period.
Disney announced it will fight back against Ron DeSantis’s homophobia by hosting the world’s largest gay orgy at Disney World on June 30th to celebrate the end of Pride Month by making Florida the “Gayest State In America.”
Now that Donald Trump is a sex offender, a liberal billionaire is going to build a school within 500 feet of Mar-a-Lago so that Trump can no longer legally stay at his resort.
Texas Governor Greg Abbott was robbed of his wheelchair at gunpoint this morning, and he said he never felt more proud to be a free American than he did while crawling back home.
Special Counsel Jack Smith just called Donald Trump and asked him if he wants to go out furniture shopping tomorrow.
After a visit to Mar-a-Lago, House Oversight Chair James Comer has announced that he found the Biden whistleblower, and will reveal him “in two weeks.”
Donald Trump claims he will do absolutely no golfing in a second term.
Donald Trump claims the two guys who have his Obamacare replacement plan and infrastructure deal are missing, and he suspects Joe Biden has done something terrible to them.
A conservative TikTok star whose catchphrase was “Let me lick your liberal tears, snowflake!” just had a meltdown over the Miller Lite ad, and was arrested running through the street naked and screaming repeatedly “The Woke hive mind is in my head sodomizing my brain!”
Televangelist Thomas “Dolla” Bills says God doesn’t mind any of Rudy Giuliani’s sex sins when working in the service of Donald Trump.
Melania Trump reportedly spent Mother’s Day yesterday going through Donald’s cell phone and texting all his contacts “It’s over. We’re f*cked. I’m giving you permission to cooperate with the DOJ for a lesser sentence.”
Stephen Miller says Donald Trump promised him he could make human centipedes in a second Trump administration.
Donald Trump was reportedly just notified by his accountants that Melania has removed him as an authorized user from all of her credit cards.
Steve Bannon says it’s very odd Democrats aren’t mainlining Dianne Feinstein with Adrenochrome like Republicans do with Chuck Grassley.
Donald Trump is suing a bank that won’t give him a loan for slander and damages to his brand after the bank’s CEO publicly called him a “bad credit risk.”
Donald Trump claims he could have ended WW2 in 24 hours, and that Hitler never would have invaded Poland if he was president back then.
Donald Trump is threatening Evangelicals that, if they vote for Ron DeSantis in the primary over him, he’ll “maybe have to reveal some damaging secrets about Brett Kavanaugh” that would get him impeached off the court.
BREAKING: Donald Trump blacked out today at Mar-a-Lago during the lunch buffet after Baron snuck up behind him and shouted “FBI!”
Joe Biden says if Republicans do not make a deal over the debt ceiling, the Treasury will pay to keep the government open by recovering all the tax money Donald Trump has stiffed the IRS over the last 50 years with interest.
Because of how many lawsuits Fox News has recently lost, Fox executives have instituted a new rule where each TV host only gets one conspiracy theory to obsess over.
QAnon believers are now referring to Donald Trump as “Reverend Don.”
A televangelist who calls himself “pro-life” and “pro-family” says he’d rather see 1,000 babies starve than see one mother expose her breast in public to breastfeed.
Donald Trump accidentally dropped a candle at a Christian prayer dinner event tonight, and caught a Bible on fire.
Thanks for your eyeballs!
—Dash MacIntyre
Follow me on Twitter at @HalfwayPost to interrupt your daily doomscrolling with Dada news, and follow me on Medium to keep up with my daily writing studio.
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