The 21 Worst Laws Red States Will Pass If They Win
The Mississippi legislature is currently debating a bill that would fine Mississippians $75 “every time they think gay thoughts.”
Oklahoma Republicans are trying to ban science and anthropology teachers in public schools from ever saying “Homo erectus.” Another proposed bill would legally change the scientific classification of “Homo erectus” to “Hetero straightus.”
The Texas legislature is debating a bill that would fund an after-school program to send children into coal mines and oil fields to help stockpile fuel in case the Texan energy grid collapses again. “I’m up for trying anything to help our energy crisis in Texas except raising taxes on billionaires,” said Governor Abbott.
Several Republicans in the Idaho state legislature are sponsoring a bill that would force all the state’s school textbooks to say that female orgasms are a liberal hoax, and that the only “G-Spot” is in Heaven where God is.
Ohio Republicans are debating a bill that would force any high school kids who identify as gay or trans to sit in detention one hour a week to watch heterosexual pornography to try and make them cisgender and straight.
The North Carolina legislature is debating a bill that would mandate every mall Santa carry an AR-15 in the event of a mass shooting at the mall. It would also give them legal immunity for any bystanders they accidentally shoot with a “Good Guy With A Gun” clause.
Missouri Republicans are debating a bill that would mandate all female members in the state legislature to track and monthly report their menstrual cycles.
Alabama Republicans are debating legislation that would require all parents to burn the books in their homes, and raise their kids illiterate to “own the libs” and “prevent Wokeness.”
Arizona Republicans are calling for putting lead back in gasoline “to bring back our freedom.”
Wyoming Republicans are debating a bill that would ban “all forms of female cleavage” in public, including both breasts and camel toe.
Kentucky Republicans are debating a bill that would take away women’s right to take out bank loans.
Utah Republicans are debating the legalization of polygamy and a law that all white women must birth 10 children each “to defeat Islam, Wokeism, feminism, and China.”
Tennessee Republicans are sponsoring a bill that would mandate all Black children in schools whose families receive federal funds to apologize to the white children on the first day of each year’s classes for making them uncomfortable by being physical reminders of slavery, Jim Crow, segregation, and racism.
West Virginia Republicans are debating a bill that would legally make daughters’ virginities the property of their fathers until age 18.
Arkansas Republicans are proposing a “Groomer Tax” on Froot Loops and all Cheerios branded cereals for looking too much like buttholes.
North Dakota Republicans are debating a bill that would ban school cafeterias from serving sausages, bananas, corn dogs, and any other phallic-shaped foods for lunch.
Montana Republicans have proposed a new law that would mandate women have to pay for concealed-carrying permits for their vaginas.
Iowa Republicans are proposing an “Anti-Spinster Law” that would force every woman to get married by 30, or the state will intervene and arrange a marriage for her with a self-identified incel under the rationale that sex is a Biblically inalienable right for men.
Kansas Republicans are debating a bill that would make it illegal for women to tell jokes about men’s penis size, though there is considerable disagreement over whether the punishment should be a fine or a few days in prison.
South Dakota Republicans are about to spend money on new textbooks for the state’s public schools that claim slavery abolitionists were the “real racists.”
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The sad thing is, any one of these is within the realm of possibility.