The Craziest Unsent Tweet Drafts Donald Trump Wrote While President
It’s hard to believe the Trump tweets we saw were actually filtered.
Donald Trump’s Twitter account was infamous for its petty, childish and bitchy content, but a former communications staffer for the Trump Administration held on to many draft tweets that were not ultimately sent.
The following are tweets that Trump was talked out of publishing for obvious reasons, most of them falling far below the ethical and moral standards of the office of the Presidency:
“Many people are talking about Hillary Clinton’s mustache!”
“For the record, I’ve never officially claimed paternity of Donald Trump Jr. And I’ve never even unofficially claimed paternity for Eric.”
“Since Mike Pence didn’t have the guts to be strong and decertify the election, I’m firing him and replacing him with Ivanka Trump effective immediately! She has more balls than anyone in my administration, and sex appeal! It’s about time America had a VPILF! Everyone knows I’d like to!”
“Actually I’m not going to reveal my healthcare plan that covers more people than Obamacare and is cheaper because the Democrats will just steal it like they STOLE THE ELECTION! But just know it would have blown your mind away how cheap it was! So blame Democrats, not me! Trust me, no one wanted to reveal my healthcare plan more than me!”
“The Democrats want to cancel Christmas because they hate Jesus, but I will never let them! Democrats back in the Bible times were always rooting against Jesus, but we Republicans knew Jesus could win all his battles against the Minotaur, the Cyclops, and the Trojans! Go Jesus!”
“Vladimir Putin told me to start shaking his hand softer because my big fingers were too strong for him. He said his hands had gotten out of shape after 8 years of shaking Obama’s dainty, little woman hands!”
“I will pardon anyone who robs a bank and donates the bags of money to my superPAC!”
“I don’t know what Obama was flushing down the toilets in his 8 years, but the toilets barely flush more than two memos at a time anymore!”
“You think Melania is hot now, you should have seen her in her prime! There’s something about giving birth to your kids that just ruins your wives, and makes you want to get a new one!”
“My Twitter account deserves a Pulitzer Prize, and if I don’t get one I’m going to sue them for $5 billion for damages to my brand!”
“The generals all told me, ‘Sir, can we clone you? No one is smarter, stronger, or braver than you! If we only had an army of one million Donald Trumps, we could conquer the world!’ Those were the generals’ words, not mine!”
“Hey, Vladimir Putin, that soccer ball you gave me in Helsinki is making these weird beeping sounds every minute and a half or so. Is the battery low? I didn’t know soccer balls needed batteries, but I guess everything is better in Russia!”
“My only regret as President is that my older kids were already married when I got elected so I couldn’t marry them off to other world leaders’ kids to make alliances, and Barron and Tiffany were too young.”
“Suburban white women switching to Joe Biden are betraying America! They’re all enemies of the people and should be put in jail! Don’t be mad at me when the Democrats and Dr. Fauci use the COVID hoax vaccine to turn all your children Chinese! I wanted to keep your children white!”
“If global warming is real how come I just ate two scoops of ice cream?!”
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Thanks for your eyeball attention!
-Dash MacIntyre
Folme on Twitter at @HalfwayPost to interrupt your daily doomscrolling with graffiti news and Dada humor, and follow me on Medium to keep up with my daily writing studio.
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