The Grift Of The Trump World Memoir
Not even Trump fans care what his former staffers have to say.
I’m sick of the dumb memoirs written by Trump Administration alums, so I made up my own titles for books they should write:
Mike Pence — “Getting Hard: How The Trump-Pence Presidency Erected Global Leadership”
Donald Trump Jr. — “Presidents’ Sons: 45 Reasons Why I’m A Better Son Than Hunter Biden”
Mike Pompeo — “A Book Of Poems For Iowa And New Hampshire To Earn Their Vote In 2024”
Ivanka Trump — “Glass Ceiling: If I Could Become An Executive Advisor To The President, Any Girl Can”
Jared Kushner — “Boy Wonder: How I Brought Peace To The Middle East By Just Ignoring The Palestinians”
Lindsey Graham — “101 Ways To End Ted Cruz On The Senate Floor”
Elaine Chao — “Senate Kama Sutra: Illustrated Lessons I Learned On Sensual Passion With My Magnificent Lover, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell”
Steven Mnuchin — “Steve Of Arabia: One Man’s Journey To Get $2 Billion From The Saudi Government”
Rick Perry — “The Student Secretary: Why I Stopped Trying To Kill The Department Of Energy After I Learned What It Did”
Eric Trump — “The Art Of The Deal: Children’s Cancer Charity Edition”
Ben Carson — “From Parietal Lobes to Pyramids: How a Surgeon Upset A Millennia Of Misunderstanding About Ancient Egypt’s Granaries”
Melania Trump — “Becoming Melania” (Mostly plagiarizing Michelle Obama’s book “Becoming”)
Jeff Sessions — “Paradise Lost: How A Little Moderation From Slave Masters Could Have Prevented The Civil War, Emancipation, & Civil Rights”
Mitch McConnell — “The Complete Field Guide On Freshwater Turtles Of Kentucky”
Sarah Huckabee Sanders — “Make Arkansas Great Again… For The First Time”
Stephen Miller — “101 Ways To Get Away With Murder And Then Eat The Bodies”
Betsy DeVos — “Voucher Nation: How Charter Schools Can Sneak Segregation Back Into Schools”
Paul Ryan — “Jellyfish: The Wisdom Of Nature’s Spineless Beauties”
Herman Cain — “Taking A Stand: One Man’s Courageous Battle Against Fascist Mask Mandates” (Posthumously published)
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Thanks for your eyeball attention!
-Dash MacIntyre
Follow me on Twitter at @HalfwayPost to interrupt your daily doomscrolling with graffiti news and Dada humor, and follow me on Medium to keep up with my daily writing studio.