This Week’s Reasons Not To Respect The GOP

The top Dada news headlines from The Halfway Post!

(Official White House photo (modified) by D. Myles Cullen | Public Domain CC 1.0)

• McDonalds is reportedly planning a major branding overhaul to try and disassociate their fast food chain with Donald Trump.

• Fox News watching QAnon believers in East Palestine say they’d prefer a toxic train derailing in their town every day rather than the communist federal government mandating rail companies install better brakes.

• A top RNC official claims Donald Trump also won the 2008 and 2012 elections, but those were rigged as well.

• Donald Trump has reportedly told close friends that he dug an underground bunker beneath Ivana’s casket where he can hide if the DOJ indicts him.

• Donald Trump claims he’ll reveal a “big, beautiful plan” to end the war in Ukraine that will make both Putin and Zelensky happier than they could ever believe “in two weeks.”

• Josh Hawley: “No one in the Senate gets harder on child pornography than me.”

• Donald Trump is reportedly worried that a major river is going to catch fire and make him look bad when people remember he cut all the regulations that kept corporations from dumping toxins in rivers.

• Rudy Giuliani says if Donald Trump doesn’t pay him the money he’s owed, he “may have some information Jack Smith would find very interesting.”

• The GOP’s proposals for a divorced country would include the new Confederacy abolishing all taxes, child labor laws, vaccines, regulations concerning food and transportation safety, incest laws, child marriage laws, and bestiality laws.

• C-SPAN cameras caught Marjorie Taylor Greene sprinkling a shaker of salt in Lauren Boebert’s coffee on the House floor.

• Donald Trump is reportedly sending a bottle of scotch to Rudy Giuliani every morning hoping that if Rudy stays drunk he won’t turn state’s witness against him.

• Donald Trump says Ivanka is out of his will if she or Jared Kushner rats on him to Special Counsel Jack Smith.

• At a pro-life fundraiser tonight, Donald Trump said he bets Joe Biden has paid for more abortions than he has.

• Donald Trump reportedly hit a baby in the face when he was tossing out his Trump water bottles to the residents of East Palestine.

• Donald Trump says he will NOT be tasting any of his “Trump Water” bottles to assure the people of East Palestine that the decade-old water bottles he gave them are safe to drink.

• Donald Trump says Ivanka better not rat him out to the DOJ’s grand jury, or he’ll release the “risqué photos” he has of the two of them.

• Donald Trump says “No one could have known train brakes were so complicated” back when he canceled Obama’s train brake regulations.

• It is actually quite spectacular how stupid Fox News executives think their viewers are (no satire).

• Marjorie Taylor Greene, Mike Lindell, and Kari Lake are reportedly starting a podcast together.

• Kari Lake reportedly walked into the House of Representatives today and insisted she had been elected as one of Arizona’s representatives.

• Ron DeSantis, in an apparent attack on Donald Trump, says if he is elected president he’ll arrest all users of unprescribed Adderall.

• Jared Kushner refuses to let the media see his laptop.

• Rudy Giuliani was just put in charge of Donald Trump’s GenZ outreach for his 2024 presidential campaign.

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Thanks for your eyeballs!

—Dash MacIntyre

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