Trump Claims Biden Will Mandate Every Marriage From Now On Must Be Biracial Or Gay

Photo by Sofia Hernandez on Unsplash

Donald Trump today made several unsubstantiated claims about Joe Biden’s 2024 presidential platform:

“Joe Biden hates same-race marriages even more than he hates God! All the suburban white women out there who are thinking about flipping to the Democrats better understand that Joe Biden does not respect you or your husband like I do. He hates your family! Especially if your husband is a white. Or one of the Christians. Real American suburban families need to watch out. All the Democrats hate you. They want to end you. Biden will make you divorce your husband, and force you to marry someone else. Someone very different. Someone from ISIS, who snuck in our lawless and undefended Southern border, and is now wearing disguises to blend in until Biden and Pelosi give him his slave wife: you. Suburban women better think again before voting for Democrats. They’re gonna make you at gunpoint convert to Islam. They’ll make you burn your family Bible, and swear an oath to Muhammed on a Koran. Or, worse, they’ll give you an African immigrant husband from a s***hole country. Or a Chinese. Biden will make you spin a big carnival wheel to find out whether your new husband will be black, brown, yellow or red. There will be no normal colors allowed. Whatever it lands on, that’s what you’re stuck with. People everywhere are talking about it. You wouldn’t believe what’s going on. What they’re trying to do. They want you to have to go to a government building for reassigned spouses that’s connected to a mosque and a Planned Parenthood, and sit seven hours till they call your ticket number while you wait with a bunch of crackies and people giving themselves post-birth abortions, and then spin the spousal color wheel while they give you a dozen COVID shots real quick when you’re not looking and your guard is down. It’s criminal what they’re trying to do. So, suburban women, if you don’t want to have to marry a member of al-Qaeda who snuck in through Texas and is now scheming in Minneapolis, or Milwaukee, or Detroit, or Philadelphia, or wherever your suburb is, I’d suggest you reelect me. Democrats will abort your marriage, and Fauci will personally give your kids a vaccine that will change the color of their skin and convert them to mulattos, the ones he doesn’t eat first. The Clinton crime family will be there, too. Hillary has dibs on eating all the post-birth abortioned babies. People are saying she’s the Epstein of eating fetuses. And I don’t do Epsteins. I had no idea who Epstein was. In fact, I actually had no clue it was his island when I went to those parties, and I always turned into bed early during his parties, and found a spare bedroom to go to sleep in, and lock the door, and put on a sleep mask over my eyes, and put in ear plugs… so I never saw, heard, or experienced anything yucky any of the dozen or so times I went there. You know me, I’m a germaphobe. I don’t do the yucky stuff. I never was into golden showers. I don’t do urine on myself. The Fake News is just full of the absolutely worst liars of all time. I have never been peed on by anyone. Everyone knows it’s way hotter to have the prostitutes do the golden showers on each other, and you just watch. In a way, it’s a beautiful thing. Trust me, no one respects women more than Trump. I’m one of the great women respecters, maybe of all time. Just because a jury of my peers found that crazy Carroll lady who accused me of rape, and all her witnesses, credible doesn’t mean I’m guilty! They’re all lying! Everyone in the world lies, except me. I’m the only one in America telling you the truth, which is why they’re trying so hard to rig the next election against me, just like they did with the last election! So if you want your suburban kids’ skin to stay white, you better vote Trump, that’s all I’m saying. If I told you everything Biden wanted to do, it would blow your mind. You wouldn’t believe it. I shouldn’t say it. They don’t want me to say it. And I know I said this about Obama and Hillary, but my election stopped them from doing it just in time. But Biden is going to finish the job as soon as he gets a second term. He’d have done it already in his first four years, but Sleepy Joe is so tired he forgot! Trust me. The Democrats will end America as we know it. The only food you’ll be able to buy in grocery stories will be Mexican or Arab. All burgers and hotdogs will be camel meat. There will be no more wine aisles or shelves of alcohol, just shelf after shelf of bottles of children’s blood labeled with your kids’ names on them. If you have a suburban white family, it’ll be game over for you if Biden rigs the election again! You’re not going to be suburban anymore. Maybe not even a woman. Who knows? The way the Woke people are going… The Christians, they don’t like the Woke stuff. They judge it very hard. It’s kind of funny how much the Christians love me, isn’t it? They really like me. It’s like I’m almost bigger than Jesus. It feels nice to receive such pavlovian loyalty. And it sure is financially lucrative! They never stop giving. It’s like they’re tithing to me as if I’m God. This must be what Hitler felt like. I kind of get Hitler in a way. Obviously not all the bad stuff, but he had such talent for working up an angry, violent mob. What power. If I get reelected, I could totally do a 4th Reich kind of thing. Wouldn’t that be tremendous? Stephen Miller is like my Himmler… Fox News is my Goebbels… Mike Flynn is my Göring. Just kidding, everyone, I’m not going to do a Hitler. But on day one, maybe just a little. The 4th Reich… the Trump Reich. I like the sound of that. You know, a lot of people don’t know this, but Hitler had some great branding. The Swastika flags and armbands really sent a message. But Hitler should have done more businesses on the side like me. I’ve always wondered what Hitler Steaks might have tasted like. Would he have done freeze-dried ketchup like me? Or Hitler Hotels. That’s got nice alliteration, doesn’t it? I’d stay a night in a Hitler suite. Hitler Hotels. I should talk to China about giving Ivanka a trademark on that name. She’s really racking up the Chinese trademarks, isn’t she? And speaking of racks… too bad Hitler didn’t have a daughter. I’ve always wondered if I could have married Hitler’s daughter. That would have been one of the great political alliances of all time, wouldn’t it? I was born in 1946, so if Hitler had a daughter at the end of the war she would have been a year or two older than me. ‘Trump/Hitler, 2024.’ That’s a presidential ticket I’d love to vote for. Talk about strength! …But, yeah, the Christians really think I’m better than Washington and Lincoln combined. Honestly, sometimes it creeps me out how much they love me. They always want to touch me, and pray with me, and hold my hand. Yuck. They’re real touchy-feely, the Christians. But they give me lots of votes because I give them Supreme Court judges. The Christians sure love judging things. But unfortunately the Christians don’t have great star power. The men are kind of weird, and the women barely show any skin. But they really support me becoming a dictator on day one. Because they know Joe Biden and the Democrats will ruin America forever. They know Biden will sign an executive order that suburban women’s houses get torn down, and he’ll replace their perfect homes and pretty little yards with a low-income housing units, and cram in dozens of immigrant thugs and ANTIFA. He’s going to turn suburban life into an urban one, and he’ll convert all the suburban kids into little urbans. You won’t even recognize them anymore. Trust me. Your little Timmy will turn into ‘Big Darnell,’ or ‘Muhammed al-Qaeda.’ We don’t want any more Muhammeds in America. The way the Democrats are letting in any criminal who knocks on our door. I just got convicted in a trial, but my criminality doesn’t count. I’m no criminal, trust me. I’m the only one keeping the criminals out! When I’m president again I’ll keep them all out. I’ll send them to Afghanistan because the Taliban owe us a lot of money. We never should have gone into Afghanistan. All the generals used to come up to me, with tears in their eyes, and say, ‘Sir, if only you were president Osama never would have attacked us. He’d have been way too scared of what I might do back. If I was president I would have made a deal with Osama, and he would have stopped all his terrorism in a day. I wonder what kinds of letters Osama used too write. Maybe we’d have fallen in love, like me and Kim Jong Un…” But, anyway, white suburban women better stop flipping over to the Democrats! Seriously. They want to end America. So send me some money, whatever you can, for my lawyers, my bonds, my court fines, and McDonalds lunches. Help keep me energized so I can fight for all of you. If they can prosecute me for campaign finance fraud, hoarding classified secrets, leaking national security secrets, and raping women, they can prosecute you too. Thank you so much to all my followers and fans. And send cash right now — the McRib is back!”

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