Trump Is Asking Jared Kushner For Some Of The Saudi Money To Pay His Fines
Tensions are reportedly rising between Donald Trump and Jared Kushner, with Trump demanding Jared give him some of his $2 billion in Saudi funds to pay off all the legal costs, and Ivanka caught in the middle.
Mar-a-Lago members say Donald Trump has been overheard shouting, “If I go down, I’m taking you with me!” a lot into his phone this week.
Ron DeSantis has reportedly been eating nothing but pudding since he dropped out of the primary.
A televangelist in Iowa is demanding Taylor Swift quit touring, endorse Donald Trump, and apologize to all the girls in America for fooling them into thinking success and happiness are possible as an unmarried woman.
Donald Trump says he’s now open to the idea of hiring an ugly female lawyer “as long as she can win in court.”
Several Chinese oligarchs say Donald Trump is getting “too needy and whiny about money” following his epic legal fees, and they’ve decided to stop renting out whole floors of Trump Tower after this month.
Alina Habba says “there was no way I could have known” that Donald Trump would blame her for his legal failures and refuse to pay her.
Josh Hawley claims Google is biased against conservatives because when you Google his name the top results all reference porn and masturbation.
Fox News is reportedly struggling to figure out how to cover the border crisis because of the GOP’s mixed messaging, from House members’ demands that legislation is passed to Trump’s opposite demands to kill the deal so he can campaign on chaos.
Alina Habba reportedly can’t believe the MAGA community would so quickly turn on her after months of calling her a genius lawyer.
A televangelist in Arkansas says Taylor Swift is “destroying the institution of marriage even more than the gays.”
Mike Johnson said today, unprompted, that Donald Trump “definitely doesn’t have a folder of blackmail on him,” and that’s “definitely not why I’m going to kill the border deal.”
Donald Trump says he got all his crimes out of the way in his first term, and won’t do any more in a second term.
Mitch McConnell is reportedly done trying to talk sense into House Freedom Caucus members, and is increasingly spending all his work days lying on the floor of his office creating obstacle courses for his pet turtle Franklin, and timing how fast Franklin can finish them.
Donald Trump says he needs immunity “just like Jesus got.”
At one point in Tucker Carlson’s new interview with Vladimir Putin they both rode around on horses with no shirts on.
Donald Trump’s lawyers are requesting his trials be postponed because Trump refuses to read any of the documents, evidence, or court filings.
The House GOP is hosting a book burning tonight in front of Congress at 7:30 pm with light refreshments. Kids invited, and Marjorie Taylor Greene requests everyone bring five liberal books each.
Kevin McCarthy reportedly feels his Speakership has been vindicated by the gridlock Mike Johnson has been overseeing. “Told you so,” McCarthy told reporters several times today.
Donald Trump says his secret to playing off all the moments he forgets mid-sentence what he’s talking about is to just start calling the majority of Americans who did not vote for him “vermin.”
A new polls shows Nikki Haley is gaining on Trump, to which Trump responded that Nikki Haley is the “literal devil.”
Eric Trump says he can no longer defend his father. “I’m my own man,” he said, “and my dad has to pay a woman $83 million for raping her and defaming her. It’s indefensible.”
Republicans in Florida are debating a bill that would ban Americans from looking at nude paintings in European art museums when on vacation there.
A televangelist from Arkansas claims Satan is engineering Taylor Swift’s relationship Travis Kelce and the Chiefs’ Super Bowl victory so Swift can give birth to the antichrist and launch the apocalyptic thousand-year war against Christ.
GOP Senator Ralph Wagner says that when Taylor Swift kissed Travis Kelce after winning the Super Bowl he saw her french kiss him with a long, grey, slithery, lizard tongue.
Lauren Boebert says she’s very excited about how much lower the literacy rate is in her new Congressional district she just moved to.
Thanks to Donald Trump’s frequent association with throwing burgers and smearing ketchup on the wall, AI image-generators are now frequently depicting prompts about Trump with ketchup stains.
After his first few months as Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson says he no longer “feels like Moses from the Bible” and instead feels like “a slave or concubine of Donald Trump.”
Eric Trump, speaking out about his family’s epic fines, says it’s so unlike his father to lie to clients, banks, and investors.
The latest TikTok craze among GenZ kids is to go to Trump rallies and start chanting “man boobs” at him.
Donald Trump says his statement on Putin’s murder of Alexei Navalny is coming “in two weeks.”
A group of Trump fans in Idaho say they’re disappointed Trump won’t send them his dirty diapers to turn into fertilizer they plan on calling ‘Freedom Goo” to sell to MAGA farmers and raise money to help Trump pay of his legal fines.
Donald Trump is furious that the survey of presidential rankings he conducted at Mar-a-Lago yesterday still didn’t end up with him in the top 20.
James Comer says it’s an “unfortunate coincidence no one could have foreseen” that, once again, another Biden investigation has turned out to be based on Russian disinformation.
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Absolutely so funny!! Subscribed 💙
Who needs a bone saw… The Saudi’s will just throw Jared’s skinny ass into the nearest blender.