Trump Reportedly Doesn’t Want Jared Kushner In His Next Administration
FAMILY DRAMA!
Donald Trump announced this morning he will not be requesting his son-in-law work in his next administration if reelected, and will actually be launching a lawsuit against Jared Kushner to get some of the $2 billion in Saudi wealth fund investments Kushner received while acting as his adviser.
“That Saudi money is absolutely mine, and Jared knows it, quite frankly,” said Mr. Trump in a press conference at his Mar-a-Lago beach resort. “He only got the money in the first place because he was going to be the middleman, and hold onto the money for a little bit so no one would notice when a few months later later he sent it to me. But it’s been two and a half years, and he never sent it. It’s so bad what he’s doing. And he thinks there’s nothing I can do because it’s laundered money, but I’m suing him in a civil suit. And no one knows more about lawsuits than me. I’m always in them being sued by women, my contractors, a bunch of states, the District of Columbia, the federal government, and did I mention a whole bunch of women? But Jared can’t beat me. In fact, I’ve got Rudy Giuliani snooping around in Jared and Ivanka’s trash bins right now as we speak. He’s gonna find all of Jared’s secrets. And if he finds any discarded bras of Ivanka’s, he better turn them into me. You hear that, Rudy? I get the bras. That little rat, stealing my Saudi money, stealing my daughter. You know, not many people know this, but I gave his dad a pardon. His dad did some maybe not so great things. Some very dirty things. People think I do dirty things, but you’d never believe the dirty things Jared’s dad did. He tried to get a prostitute to seduce his brother-in-law. But I pardoned his father, and this is how Jared repays me? I’m thinking I ought to hire a prostitute to seduce Jared. Then Ivanka will be more available. Daddy likey. Can you believe that Miles Taylor, my former chiefs of staff, and so many other horrible people are saying I said gross, sexual things about Ivanka? What fake news losers. No one believes that. No one would ever believe I said something vulgar and suggestive about Ivanka in a million years. People say I used to be attracted to her when she was a teenager, but that’s not true at all. It was all the other teenaged girls in my beauty pageants that I was attracted to. Some of them may have looked like Ivanka, I mean, I obviously like blondes, but liking blondes doesn’t make me some kind of sexually deviant freak. It just makes me a totally innocent fan of the purest hot people. You know, the Christians, they really believe I’m pure. Some of them sometimes think I’m bigger than Jesus. And the Jews, they love me for moving the embassy. And the neo-Nazis love me too. The neo-Nazis think I’m their guy. They love Trump! I’ve always thought it was funny that zionists and Nazis both love me. How many people can say that? That the Nazis love them? Big brain. Got the Trump brain. Superior genes. My doctors couldn’t believe how superior my genes were even when I was a baby. They said my DNA is off the charts. And all I’m saying is that Ivanka also has these superior genes. So is she good looking? Of course. She’s like me if I were a girl. But would I ever date her? No! Even though I probably could if I really wanted to. I’ve been taking her furniture shopping most of her life, you know? She kind of owes me. So these Never Trump liars, who are total loser nobodies, and who are writing books full of the worst lies you ever heard — I mean, I’ve never even heard of this leaker Miles Taylor guy. I don’t remember interviewing or hiring him at all. He made absolutely no impression on me whatsoever, I have no idea at all who he is. I probably only hired him out of pity. And I never saw him in the White House. I was always saying, ‘Where is this Miles guy? Miles, where are you?’ But it was a pity hire. He got down in my office on his knees, with tears in his eyes, and he said, ‘Sir, I’m begging you. I need a job! I’ll do anything!’ But now he writes a book full of lies about me. I fired him. He was the worst. He had gone totally Woke like they say. It’s a disgrace, really. The lowest of the low. But I’m a fighter. I fight hard. And remember that I am fighting for you. A lot of people don’t know this, but I’m not on trial for me. I’m on trial for you. All of you, my faithful MAGA fans. People say I’m like Jesus holding up the Earth on his shoulders for all of eternity. And getting his organs pecked out every day by eagles punishing him for giving humans the gift of fire. Jesus did so much for us, didn’t he? I just love Jesus. One of the great Jesus lovers of all time. More than Lincoln. So remember that when I’m going to be in court for most of this winter and the upcoming spring, and pretty much all of 2024, know that I’m not defending myself against lawsuits for sexual assaults, fraud, insurrection, and espionage… I’m defending YOU against lawsuits for sexual assaults, fraud, insurrection, and espionage. And they’re really coming after you, by coming after me. I’m just standing in their way to protect you. So that’s why I’m kind of going to need you all to help me help you by physically forming a very thick, protective wall of bodies in front of me at all times, and around the buildings I’m in, and you all gotta form an impenetrable ring around me, and bring your guns so no FBI agents from the Department of Justice can arrest me or put me in prison, even if I’m found guilty in all the upcoming trials on insurrection, rape, and treason. And I’m gonna need all the Second Amendment people to bring their guns to New York, Georgia, Florida, and D.C. because those jurisdictions will all be sending arresting officers after these trials. I need some more of those stop-the-steal rallies you all are so good at. Let’s do a January 6th every day until the election because America needs us to stop the steal. America needs you. We need to stop the steal of Trump! They want to steal Trump and lock him up. So, Roger Stone, if you’re listening, I need you to talk to the Proud Boys and get them back on my side. Tell them I’ll pay all their legal fees for committing violence and treason if they do another coup attempt for me, for real this time. And we need to really regroup because all the main guys from last time are in prison for either January 6th, hitting their wives, or public masturbation. So we need to grow a new crop of incels. Incels, if you’re listening, come be patriots, and help me tear up the Constitution once and for all and be president for life. You know, forever. Because I won’t die. I can’t die. Donald J. Trump cannot die. I don’t want to die… A lot of people are saying 78 is the new 45. Trump doesn’t die… Can’t… Brain too big… You know, the incels don’t get credit for how smart they are. They’re some of the smartest people, maybe ever. They love everything I do, so you can tell they’re really genius. I don’t know why me and the incels get along so well, but it’s tremendous. They remind me of me when I was their age. And for everyone else, I’m going to need you to help me fight the Deep State by really upping your cash donations. And make your donation a recurring donation. Make it monthly. These lawyer fees are bleeding me dry. Did you know I have eighty lawyers working literally round-the-clock? I can’t hire enough lawyers. And I need some new ones for the alleged negligence of stealing national secrets, but I can’t find any professional lawyers willing to defend me against special counsel Jack Smith. And he hasn’t even indicted me yet for who I sent those classified nuclear secrets to. Boy, am I going to need lawyers for those eventual charges. So I need money. Buy my NFT’s! Buy the golden Trump shoes! Right now. Pull out your phones and send me cash. We need it ASAP. You’re gonna have to be creative. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I didn’t want to say it, but it might be time to tell Grandma and Grandpa they had big, beautiful, long lives, but maybe it’s time to shove a pillow over their faces and donate the inheritances you’re gonna get to help me Make America Great Again again. Your donations can bring back the greatest president this country has ever had, better than all the others combined. All the presidents. Washington… Lincoln… Obama… Martin Luther King Jr…. You know, a lot of people don’t know this, but my attempted assassination attempt had a much bigger crowd than MLK’s assassination had. Accomplished more than all the presidents combined. The generals used to say to me all the time, they would come up to me with tears in their eyes and say, ‘Sir, you would have won World War II much faster than FDR.’ I would have stopped that war so fast. I would have gone to Adolph Hitler and Churchill and Stalin, and made a deal that ended the war in one day. Just like that, the war would have been over. Everyone would have been so happy. In fact, it’s the same deal I’ll do on my first day with Putin and Zelenksy. I can’t say what it is, but trust me, you’re going to love it. Biden and Kamala can’t do anything. Biden is dead. His brain is mush. A lot of people are saying his mushy brain leaks out his ears, and his staffers have to suction it out of his ear canals before interviews or it distractingly glistens when stage lights are turned on. And people are saying that during those interviews, his staffers have to glue velcro strips to the back of his shirt and his chair so his limp body can stay upright. His head kind of dangles a bit and everything. It’s a disgrace. And the fake news media never reports it. They only report the totally fake Russia hoax. It’s always Russia, Russia, Russia, and pee tape, pee tape, pee tape. There was no pee tape okay? I don’t do pee tapes. I’m way too smart to ever get caught in a sex sting. The Russians tried, but they gave up. They came to me and said, ‘Sir, you’re too smart. Your brain is too big. We couldn’t film you in a pee tape partying after your beauty pageant held in Moscow because you’re so Christian and monogamous!’ And Ivanka has that brain too. So I’m not even attracted to Ivanka’s tremendous physique. The fake news is totally wrong about that. I’m attracted to her big Trump brain! But, of course, she also has some nice other big things.” ☕
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Oh wow. Thats tips the scale for me.
Are these the Trump hacked emails that have been looped together?