Trump Says Lincoln “Rigged The 14th Amendment” Against Him
And this week’s other Dada News headlines!
Donald Trump called into Fox News and complained that Abraham Lincoln “rigged the 14th Amendment against me… and the amendment that bands incest!”
Donald Trump is reportedly depressed because his NYE party opened his eyes to the reality that his supposed friends only want the influence proximity to him brings, and he has no deep connection with his family, and the adoration is just emperor-clothing flattery.
A televangelist from Arkansas who was recently caught in a police sting soliciting truckers for sex outside a rural gas station claims Taylor Swift has feminized America and turned straight Christian men like himself homosexual.
Hillary Clinton has bought the bar across from the federal courthouse where Jack Smith will be prosecuting Donald Trump, and has renamed it “The Lock Him Up Lounge.” She says she’ll give free drinks to all customers for each criminal charge the jury finds him guilty of.
Lauren Boebert says her new district to run in next year in eastern Colorado has a lower literacy rate so she has a better chance of winning.
Donald Trump just reportedly asked his lawyers, “How come all our legal arguments focus on presidential immunity, and we never try to argue that I’m innocent?” which was followed by a long, silent pause where his lawyers just stared at him.
Donald Trump reportedly just asked his lawyers whether, hypothetically speaking, presidential immunity would protect someone for selling nuclear secrets to Saudi Arabia in exchange for, again purely hypothetically, hosting a LIV golf championship at one of his resorts.
Eric Trump just realized live on a Fox News interview segment that his mom was an immigrant and therefore his father’s claim that immigrants are “poisoning the blood of the country” applies to him.
Arkansas Republicans say that since children can now be employed throughout the state, they ought to be allowed to buy AR-15s and enjoy the freedom granted by the 2nd Amendment before they die in workplace accidents.
A group of diabetic MAGA fans in Louisiana are demanding their pharmacists charge them more than $35 for their insulin so they don’t have to acknowledge Joe Biden did something good for them.
The conservative Freedom Network’s upcoming show “Christian Housewives” has paused production because two of its stars have started a lesbian romance.
Donald Trump claims his body odor “is protected by executive privilege, client-attorney privilege, and presidential immunity.”
Nikki Haley says she has to be ambiguous and secretive about her opinions on Donald Trump’s crimes, January 6th, slavery, and the Civil War in order to keep America’s enemies from guessing what she’ll do as president.
GOP Senator Ron Johnson says he survived 3 abortion attempts as a fetus, so he’s not worried about Jack Smith “trying to abort his political career” by criminally investigating his role in the January 6th insurrection.
At the NYE party at Mar-a-Lago, several GenZ kids who aren’t MAGA fans like their parents took a ketchup bottle and smeared the phrases “TRUMP & EPSTEIN BFF’S 4EVR,” “TRUMP LOST,” and “DARK BRANDON WUZ HERE” on the wall of the main lobby.
The guy in Florida who got “TRUMP” tattooed on his face says he can’t help but notice that no Democrat ever got a Biden face tattoo.
Donald Trump was just overheard shouting into his cell phone at Mar-a-Lago that in the next pandemic he wasn’t going to give any vaccines to Colorado or Maine for removing him from their ballots.
During Trump’s speech at Mar-a-Lago last night he said Biden’s stock market records are fake news, that Kim Jong Un called earlier and says hi to everyone, and that if anyone sees Rudy Giuliani sneaking in they should call security because Rudy can’t pay membership dues anymore.
Donald Trump has reportedly been wearing so much cologne the last couple days that Mar-a-Lago members’ eyes water when he walks by.
Tucker Carlson says that if Barbie gets the Oscar for best picture America will officially be feminized, and he’s going to move to Russia.
Lauren Boebert is reportedly searching to find a “Goldilocks” Congressional district for 2026, and wants to find the district with the nation’s lowest rates of literacy, high school graduations, and vaccinations to make winning easier.
Donald Trump says Taylor Swift should be locked up for “rigging the youth vote” against him.
How thoughtful of Nikki Haley to coddle the fragile, snowflake feelings of deplorable racists who call her “Nimarata Randhawa” every chance they get.
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THE NAIVENESS OF THE DESIRE TO ENTER THE RACE OF THE WORLD MEDIA IS INCOMPLETE HOW
TUCKER - FUCKER. . . . ALL ARE THE SAME IN THEIR HABITS. IT'S STRANGE THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.