Trump Voters Suspect Democracy Is Too Woke And "Secretly DEI"
MAGA fans are increasingly displeased with government of the people, by the people, for the people
The Halfway Post recently reached out to several MAGA fans about their thoughts on American democracy:
“I think democracy has been fun while it lasted, but I’m dissatisfied that there is a consistent majority of people who disagree with me,” said Ray Yaeger, 3. “I was looking up some history the other day, and I was surprised to find out that Republicans lost the popular vote in 1992, 1996, 2000, 2008, 2012, 2016, and 2020. Thank God the Supreme Court intervened in Florida in 2000, and the Electoral College gave the presidency to Trump in 2016, and Elon Musk bought Trump for $250 million in 2024, but I’m not liking this trend! And Trump’s plummeting popularity does not bode well for Republicans in 2028. Democracy just isn’t as fun when America votes against what I want. I’m a bit alarmed Republicans have only won the popular vote a couple times in my entire lifetime. So I say Trump should just take dictatorial power, and serve as long as he wants as dictator. When he’s done, maybe Ivanka or Don Jr. can take over for their lifetimes. I don’t even know what kind of policies they’d pass, or if they’d even govern like conservatives, but converting to a Trump hereditary monarchy would piss off the libtards so hard that I’m all for it!”
Other Trump voters feel participating in elections is too much work.
“I’ve had enough of this Woke, DEI, liberal democracy bullshit!” said Marilyn Jamlin, 54. “I hate having to leave my house to vote against the Demonrats every other year. My voting precinct is four blocks down from my house, so I hate having to start up my piece of crap car to drive such a short distance because my spark plugs are real bad. It takes me forever to get it started! But it’s slightly too far to not take the car. I’m wheelchair-bound with the diabetes in my legs, and my motorized wheelchair can’t get up on the sidewalks cause this town doesn’t have any handicapped-accessible ramps. I complained to the city council about it, but those communists wanted to raise our sales taxes a quarter of a percent to pay for making the city more handicapped-accessible for people like me. Hell no! What am I, a Woke, coastal-elitist socialist? I’ll never vote for a tax increase!”
Another Trump fan was, quite literally, unplugged from reality.
“I believe Donald Trump is a brand new, latter-day prophet of God and Jesus Christ,” said Ralph Poore, 62. “No one is more saintly than Trump. He’s so thick-skinned, calm and measured. He’s always such a stalwart proponent of lowering the temperature of the national discourse, and the way he unites this country with humble recognition of his presidential responsibility to be the president for all Americans, and not just his own voters is a masterclass in charm and humility. His Twitter is filled to the brim with spiritual devotionals and motivational quotes to be a better, more humble person… I only wish my grandkids would come over more often so they could fix my Internet connection. I haven’t been online for about nine years, and I’ve got to be missing so many of Trump’s politely articulated Twitter prayers asking America to turn down the divisive rhetoric and treat everyone with dignity and respect regardless of color, creed, or political affiliation.”
Mr. Poore smiled to himself.
“Trump is just such a mentor for America. Someone who leads by example for our children to watch and grow up to be welcoming, civil, and charmingly self-deprecating, just like him! The way he probably just ignores every criticism, and focuses on the job with a confidence that shows he’s secure in his own skin really inspires me. I bet he always courteously engages with other social media users, especially his critics, whose differences in opinions he never fails to respect with sacred reverence the Constitution’s free speech protections for diversity of perspective. Yep, Donald J. Trump is no juvenile, impulsive tweeter, that’s for sure!”
Poore clasped his hands behind his head, and leaned back in his chair.
“I bet Trump’s Twitter history is filled with thousands of compliments for other people, praise for newspapers’ business success, and stalwart defenses of the media’s right and responsibility to ask tough questions! I bet he gives them nicknames like ‘The Prospering New York Times,’ and ‘High-Ratings CNN!’ And I’m sure he always respects women online, even more than in real life! I don’t believe Trump has ever disrespected a woman, or ever behaved unchivalrously. Like, I said, I haven’t been online in nine years, but surely I’d have heard about it somewhere if Trump had ever been held legally liable for defaming a woman he was found by a jury of his peers to have sexually assaulted! And I bet Trump is never interested in self-aggrandizement, and has never published even one tweet assigning himself unearned credit for governmental accomplishments preceding his own administration. I bet he gives credit to Barack Obama and Joe Biden for the booming economies they handed off to him. Gee, I really should get back online soon and start reading all the righteous social media posts I’m missing out on from America’s hero of manners, morals, and professional conduct! Billy or Tommy, if you’re reading this interview, come on over and help Papaw plug back in his Internet wires!” 🥃
Join my comedic rebellion! I write relentless satire and graffiti news comedy about Trump, Elon, and the MAGA cult, and you can help support me write daily with this 50% discount to subscribe for only $2.50 a month!
☕ Enjoy my graffiti news comedy and political commentary? Buy me a coffee!
But first subscribe to my free Substack The Halfway Café to get my work delivered right to your inbox. In this second Trump Era of surrealist governance, nothing is more important than comedy, so consider becoming a paid member to help support me tirelessly mocking Trump and his MAGA movement.
Because our social media platforms are being scrambled up by oligarchs, if you like my humor, diversify where you follow me so you never miss my jokes to interrupt your doomscrolling: Twitter, Bluesky, Threads, Facebook, Instagram, Spoutible, Medium, and Substack.
If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published the book for you: “Satire In The Trump Years: The Best Of The Halfway Post,” available on Barnes & Noble and Amazon. I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books for Millennials, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.
Browse my comedy portfolio, my Dada News portfolio, and my poetry portfolio.
So good. So ironically real. Tried to read it to my wife, but she finally said, “If you can’t read it without cracking up, stop reading and send it to me.” I did. Then she started reading it back to me as she cracked up. Thank you for the light moment in the midst of all the darkness.
This was too close to real. Hard to tell it was satire. They really are this stupid.