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In 500 words or more, explain why Donald Trump was a better president than all the others combined. [If you don’t include Trump’s name in every sentence he’s going to get bored and not finish reading it.]
Do you think Trump could date Ivanka if she weren’t his daughter, and why?
If you have a law degree, are you willing to be disbarred in service of Trump’s legal defense with some light obstruction of justice, witness intimidation, and/or perjury?
Please list 3 “outside-the-box” ideas for how Trump can delay his criminal trials.
If Trump was to give you a box of documents for safekeeping, where would you hide it from the FBI’s prying eyes?
What are your thoughts on hanging Mike Pence?
Are you good at determining the difference between high-end hotels and landscaping companies?
List all the Russians you are on good terms with, and detail how closely connected to Vladimir Putin they are.
If you see Trump cheating at golf, will you keep your mouth shut?
If you see Trump cheating on Melania, will you keep your mouth shut?
Describe Trump’s hand size in 100 words or less.
Do you promise to never bring up God, Jesus, the Bible, the 2020 election, January 6th, 2016’s popular vote, Barack Obama, windmills, water pressure, blood pressure, his weight, adult diapers, either of his two impeachments, the state of Georgia, Jeff Sessions, Bill Barr, Chris Christie, any of his bankruptcies, his hair, or his facial makeup?
What is your best guess where Hillary Clinton’s email server is?
Do you have any dirt or blackmail on Democrats, Republican members of Congress, or Evangelical pastors with big congregations (Lindsey Graham, Matt Gaetz, Kevin McCarthy excluded because we have more than enough on them already)?
Give 3 recommendations for people you think would be willing to PAY for a pardon. [White House lawyers have to spend a lot of time to cover the quid pro quo tracks, so SERIOUS RECOMMENDATIONS ONLY!]
Do you have any Obamacare replacement ideas that would be cheaper and cover more people?
(WOMEN ONLY) What is your bra size, menstrual cycle going back 6 months, and are you willing to dye your hair blonde?
(WOMEN ONLY) Will you be willing to serve as a character witness and tell the jury at Trump’s next sexual assault trial that Trump has never been anything but chivalrous and totally appropriate with you?
(WOMEN ONLY) Do you need to go out furniture shopping anytime soon?
(MEN ONLY) Have you been accused of domestic abuse or sexual harassment? (You can be honest because Trump favors these types of guys.)
Do you know the Heimlich Maneuver? (Trump chokes on big bites of Big Macs about twice a week.)
Have you ever booked a hotel reservation at a Trump property? If no, why not, AND WHEN will you be booking your first stay?
Do you think you could make Eric Trump disappear without a trace, and without any evidence trails leading back to Donald Trump?
Will you join the next coup attempt if Trump loses the election again in 2024?
Thanks for your eyeballs!
—Dash MacIntyre
Follow me on Twitter at @HalfwayPost to interrupt your daily doomscrolling with Dada news, and follow me on Medium to keep up with my daily writing studio.
Luke Allen Gregory, a 55-year-old resident of Hitchcock, Texas, was sentenced in the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Texas to serve 270, 120, and 120 months for the production, possession and receipt of child pornography, respectively, as well as another 120 months for the transfer of obscene material to a minor. - SHIELD LISTS OF SENATORS SHOULD BE PREPARED