Was Trump Catfished On Twitter By Canadian Spies?
And this week's other graffiti news headlines!
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Canada says its spy agency “may or may not have several selfie nudes of Donald Trump we tricked him into sending us by catfishing him posing as teenaged North Korean beauty pageant contestants whose dads have off-the-books money to help him build a Trump Tower in Pyongyang.”
The North Korean vibes are strong tonight at Trump’s golf championship as everyone gave a standing ovation for the big trophy he awarded himself after seeing him cheat all weekend calling constant mulligans and dropping new balls from his sleeve near the holes.
Trump reportedly has a golf cart on every floor of the White House, and drives himself everywhere through the hallways running into the walls and hitting tables and knocking over expensive artifacts and breaking them.
Elon Musk’s greatest fear is coming true as the Woke Liberal Hive Mind is obliterating Tesla’s stock value.
A dozen government employees fired by the Trump Administration alongside several investors who have gone bankrupt because of the plummeting stock market just founded the first of many expected “Trumpville” shantytowns.
USAID is offering to buy out Elon Musk so he retires from the government as part of the agency’s effort to make the government more efficient.
Trump reportedly told Elon Musk he’ll pay for the Tesla “in two weeks.”
After 6 weeks of plummeting stocks, rising unemployment and inflation, proliferating diseases, crashing planes, Canada and Mexico not backing down, falling approval ratings and global condemnation, Donald Trump believes the presidency is somehow rigged against him.
Elon Musk is reportedly beginning to worry that screwing over everyone in the federal government, alienating half the country, and supporting far right nazi-adjacents in a bunch of countries’ elections was a bad business decision.
Following Trump’s monarchic threats to neither follow court decisions nor honor Biden’s pardons, the tuba players who trolled his inauguration are back playing their tubas as loud as they can outside the White House while wearing mushroom costumes again.
The Secret Service has reportedly refused to let Trump keep the Tesla vehicle he bought yesterday near the White House because of Teslas’ tendency to burst into flames.
A bunch of peaceful tourists with love in their hearts chanting “Hang Elon Musk” just broke in the windows of a Tesla dealership, stole stuff, and defecated on the floor.
Several Texan Republicans are beginning to worry the growing epidemics of preventable diseases in their state could turn Texas blue in 2028.
Greenland’s government officials say they’ll trade their island for the unredacted Epstein files, a photo of Trump without makeup or his hair done, and copies of every nondisclosure agreement Trump has ever made women sign.
A MAGA doctor who prescribed ivermectin throughout the pandemic is now prescribing RFK Jr.’s brain worms for conservatives who want to “discover the truth and free themselves from the Woke Hive Mind like RFK Jr. did.”
The most watched video on several porn sites right now is just a live broadcast of Tesla’s falling stock value.
Pete Hegseth had to delay his Pentagon speech on masculinity today because his makeup artist was a half hour late.
Tesla investors are calling out Elon Musk for being “the boy who cried self-driving cars, hyperloops, Mars landings, and neural links” with annual fraud promises to inflate his stocks, and they now say it’s time for Musk to be “the boy who cried because he’s broke.”
The government of Panama says it will give Donald Trump their canal if he swims in it one time for 10 seconds so everyone can see what his hair looks like wet.
Mar-a-Lago attendees say Trump’s events there are beginning to take on a “North Korean vibe,” and today he gave himself a golf trophy for allegedly hitting all holes-in-one.
Members at Mar-a-Lago have reportedly all cut off the tops of their cross necklaces so that instead of a cross it’s now a “T” for Trump.
Eric Trump is reportedly pissed his dad has spent more time with Elon Musk’s son in two months than him in fifteen years.
Trump staffers claim that, since Putin rejected Trump’s ceasefire plan, Trump doesn’t know what to do and is hoping people just kind of forget that he promised a deal.
Putin and Zelensky are reportedly both annoyed that Trump is golfing so much, never reads any briefing updates on the talks, mentions his poll numbers more than the war on phone calls, and speaks in a Chinese accent for 15 minutes after every call with Xi Jinping.
Greenland is reportedly thinking about signing an annexation deal with Canada just to spite Donald Trump.
Following Trump’s monarchic threats to neither follow court decisions nor honor Biden’s pardons, the tuba players who trolled his inauguration are back playing their tubas as loud as they can outside the White House while wearing mushroom costumes again.
Perennial presidential candidate Ted Cruz is reportedly beginning to worry about Trump’s comments about not leaving office after 2028.
A Gen Z kid reportedly asked Donald Trump at an event today if Trump could “vibe-shift into showing some rizz that isn’t sus, because, highkey, no one’s stanning your big yikes chaos anymore,” and, though Trump is not exactly sure what that means, he’s pissed because he knows it’s not good.
After Donald Trump tweeted that some of Joe Biden's presidential pardons could be nullified, federal judge Anderson Wilkerson announced, “Well, in that case, looks like it’s time to send some J6 rioters back to jail.” 🥃
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Canada is reportedly thinking about signing an annexation deal with St. Pierre et Miquelon just to spite Donald Trump, and become a nuclear power. Vive la France!
Panama Canal swim! 🤭