28 Comments
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Kiwiwriter47's avatar

Well, I will never forget the great-aunt who asked me, when I was 15, "What if one of those gay male teachers makes a pass at my granddaughter?"

I had a very difficult time keeping a straight face at that one...and couldn't come up with an answer.

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Claire Houston's avatar

Yeah right. Now you’ve outed yourself to your wife.

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Kiwiwriter47's avatar

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

I wrote a Substack post about my difficulties with ice shows that refers to my bizarre great-aunts. I had three.

However, one of them was a very sweet person...aside from making great pound cake, when my parents told her about my brother suffering Crohn's, she was very supportive.

She had lost her husband in a car crash some years before.

Here's that story:

https://kiwiwriter47.substack.com/p/why-i-dont-like-ice-shows

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Gordon Soukoreff's avatar

Sure they did. Those tricky gays. I can’t wait for one being President of the USA in 2028. 👍👏🙌

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

I'm Team Buttigieg all the way. I would love nothing more than for him to spend the next 4 years going on Fox News as much as possible because no one in America does it better than him.

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Da Memaw's avatar

Is it bad to believe this is true? I mean, the only Ted Cruz podcast I accidentally heard was all locker room tiny pee pee comparisons. They push so hard, I have to think massive curiosity, no personal control, and total repression - until now let loose on unsuspecting public.

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

This might be the least satirical thing I've ever written :D

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Jason Warchol's avatar

What’s with the quote of locking all unmarried women up in prison until their husbands unlock them! Yet another loser blaming us” The Gays”on his mistake of stepping out on his wife & getting the mistress or mister pregnant then blame us for her having an abortion! Another example of the crazy White Agenda!!!

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

Lol my first version of this explained the state senator's legislative responsibilities were about locking up women until they're married so they can't have any premarital sex or abortions but it was kind of excessive, but I liked the last bit as kind of a non-sequitur ending detail lol

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Jason Warchol's avatar

Well I mean I wouldn’t put it past these Right Wing Fake Christians with their White Agenda

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Dawn's avatar

Good grief be a f*cking man and admit your own mistakes instead of blaming an innocent group of people. They are purposely saying this kind of bs to literally start fights just so the orange cockroach can claim martial law. This is how people get killed or injured because of weak pathic weasels like him. He needs to never see another day in politics after this lousy unexcusable bs.

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Jason Warchol's avatar

Oh he had to go to the gay club to see what the gay mafia was up to & he had to blend in & had one to many drinks! We don’t want your closeted ass so go back to your wife & your Fake Christian Values, as a matter of fact just go kill yourself, I promise you’ll be doing the world a Huge Favour!!!

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Talvi’s Mom's avatar

That guy has totally lost his mind. His mistress. We need to start there. What is Capt Family Values doing with a Mistress? Then why, if he “hates the radical evil gays & the left” was he hanging out with them to be tricked? Idiocy!!! Moronic stupidity that Rethugliecons will just eat up with a serving spoon. I swear all of them are the perfect examples of reincarnation. No one can get that stupid in one lifetime.

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susan conner's avatar

Oh no. The Gay Mafia. Please. Ad Hominem.

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MsTeeBlue's avatar

Dear God what will they think of next!

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prehbine's avatar

Busted!!!

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Vicki's avatar

It's bad when satire sounds plausible in this time line.

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

I'm gradually becoming known like The Onion, but it's funny how ridiculous some of my articles and tweets that still seem indistinguishable from the real life absurdity of the GOP today.

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Cara Mia's avatar

So, to recap, an Idaho State Senator went to a gay nightclub to find out about the Gay Mafia’s agenda. While at the gay club, he got white girl wasted, went for a piss and while having a piss, he accidentally snorted the Bolivian marching powder, somehow wound up nude, accidentally blew a dude, and was photographed by a bathroom stall journalist with his boyfriend. Then, in a preemptive move to prove his heterosexuality should the photos from the gay club be released, the senator engaged in curative intercourse with a female sex worker, and had photos taken of himself atop his female whore. And because it’s the fault of the Gay Mafia that he got his whore pregnant and demanded she abort, he’s saying the Gay Mafia tricked him into paying for an abortion. Fuck it, I wanna see the pics of him with his gay lover.

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Pat Marlin's avatar

Funniest post ever! The toilet seat made me gay??????

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

Thank you for such high praise! :D

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Joe Brauner's avatar

This is actually a rejected script of “The Righteous Gemstones”

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

Haven't seen that show, but if its writers like this as a spec script let's talk :D

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Kathy H's avatar

I checked out the other article & fell out at "wokesplaining conniptions"!

::eyes author suspiciously::

Are you sure you aren't living in my flyover small town, because I'm pretty sure I have met you online. >: /

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

Thanks for clicking through, and thanks so much for reading my work! :D

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Saralyn Fosnight's avatar

Stellar!

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

Thank you!

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