Is Elon Musk's House Of Cards Coming Down?

Tesla is cratering, D.C. is souring on D.O.G.E., and, frankly, Elon's business record is awful.

Credit: Gage Skidmore | gageskidmore.com | via Flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0)

I’m calling it now: Elon Musk is not as rich as he claims.

It was recently reported that Tesla is missing $1.4 billion amidst an ongoing stock collapse and huge drops in vehicle sales around the world.

Musk also just sold Twitter to another one of his companies, called xAI (do I smell some suspicious shell-corporationing going on?), which is a private company so it doesn’t have to disclose any finances, but apparently it has investors who are okay with acquiring the personal debt Elon foolishly racked up.

Meanwhile, Musk is getting desperate about Tesla sales, convincing Trump to hawk Teslas from the White House and Sean Hannity to hawk them from his Fox News show.

Outside of his growing business meltdown, Musk is devolving into madness before our eyes. He has become a boy-who-cried-wolf about the collapse of Western Civilization to valorize every dumb, cruel, and impulsive thing he does with D.O.G.E. and every state Supreme Court election he wants to meddle in. He’s also now peddling conspiracy theories blaming — of course with no evidence at all — Tesla’s PR problems and public protests on people as varied as George Soros (such an eye roll accusation in 2025), Reid Hoffman, and Democrats.

Elon is acting like a guy whose house of cards is starting to shake.

And his net worth already is a bit of an ephemeral illusion extrapolated from the potential value of his Tesla stock, because he doesn’t exactly have a lot of liquid cash to spend without getting loans collateralized by Tesla’s stock value. But with Tesla boycotts erupting literally world-wide, how much of a risk is he to default on all his loans now?

Musk very well could be taking a page right out of the Donald Trump business playbook by getting so deep into debt that it’s now no longer his own personal problem, but his creditors’ problem, and banks will have to start giving him big allowances to fuck around with and pretend he’s still rich like happened with Trump so that the creditors don’t lose all their money in Musk’s companies and schemes.

The government definitely should not entrust tax dollars in Musk’s companies.

Part of Elon’s problem is his goals are too expansive and expensive, such as turning humans into a multi-planet species and apparently controlling every aspect of the federal government. But it’s one thing for Musk to string along a bunch of gullible private investors to keep financing his pipe dreams with the hope that eventually his delusions of grandeur will come true and be profitable, but it’s quite another thing to insist taxpayers now should keep him afloat with government handout grants for his vehicle manufacturing, for federal adoption of Starlink, and for SpaceX replacing NASA.

The other part of Musk’s problem is that he has a case of Lucky Billionaire Syndrome (I like this term, feel free to use it!), where because he has been successful at some things in his life — biographically in part because of his rich dad financing him, his getting lucratively bought out by what would eventually become PayPal early on, and then worming his way into other companies and pretending he founded them — he’s under the impression that he must be a genius at everything.

But, frankly, his original ideas kind of really suck. The Cybertruck is stupid, and they clearly cut a lot of corners getting it to market (much delayed, of course). So far D.O.G.E. is costing more money than it’s saving, and in only three months Republicans are souring on his governmental meddling. And turning Twitter into X was one of the most soulless, toxic rebrandings in corporate history,

The guy is clearly biting off more than he can chew. Elizabeth Holmes of Theranos also raised a lot of money for the very big-hearted goal to revolutionize blood testing, but she similarly strung along investors for technology that just wasn’t ever as possible as she kept claiming. She’s in prison now.

If you’re keeping score, Musk’s not really meeting any of the promises he has wowed his investors with.

There has been no revolution in transit with hyperloops, and his Boring Company operates one tunnel under the Vegas convention center for 1.7 miles where Teslas drive you at regular car speed.

Buyers of $50,000 Roadster reservations back in 2017 still don’t have a car. His fleets of self-driving robo-taxis in cities across the nation have not materialized, Google’s Waymo is years ahead of him, and he has been promising fully self-driving Teslas annually since 2016.

There are no humans on Mars like he claimed in 2011 would be possible in ten years, and he just blew up two rocket launches, and with consumers selling their Teslas or refusing to buy one, I suspect Neuralink will not have a line of people anytime soon waiting for Musk to implant chips in their brains that will let them know every time he retweets a conspiracy theory from Catturd.

Musk also claimed Twitter would be a fully-fledged dating app by now, and a bank. In fact he wanted Twitter to be an “everything app.” He just promises anything and everything. Musk has basically pulled off the The Simpsons’ Lyle Lanley Monorail scam on all of America.

And Elon Musk is such a dick about everything!

He’s gone into the deep end attacking Democrats and liberals — half the electorate — for being a hive mind virus killing America, when he isn’t even an American! He’s an Apartheid douche from South Africa, and his brother admitted they immigrated illegally.

And it’s not just America he’s injecting himself into every facet of, he’s meddling in elections in other countries too, most recently in Germany, in which he endorsed — wait for it… the Nazi party!

I’ve said it many times before, but we should bring back the tradition of ostracism from the ancient Greek democracy the US is modeled after, and exile Musk for a decade for trying to become a tyrant. We already have Donald Trump, America cannot handle two egomaniacs.

Yet it all stems from Musk’s inner unhappiness. He brags about having no work-life balance — Ew! Capitalist shill much?!” — and he pays people to play video games for him, buying the adoration of 13-year-olds who care about the leaderboard of Diablo IV. He’s 53 years old.

Elon Musk needs to go outside and touch grass.

Especially now that he just turned off the Wisconsin electorate giving out a couple million dollar checks to voters in a Wisconsin Supreme Court race — blatant election fraud! — after claiming the outcome would decide the fate of Western civilization.

Can someone around Musk help him get a grip? Convince him to go outside and touch grass? Does Musk have anyone around him anymore that doesn’t only suck up to him and laugh at all his 69 and 420 references? 🥃

---

☕️ Hey! That was an amusing article wasn’t it? If you enjoy my comedy and commentary, here’s a 50% discount on paid subscriptions to help support my daily writing studio, for just $2.50 a month! Help me make fun of Trump, Elon Musk, and the MAGA movement full-time! 🥰

If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: “Satire In The Trump Years” and “Satire In The Biden Years,” available on Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Kobo. Or request your library order a copy!

I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.

Because our social media platforms are being scrambled up by oligarchs, if you like my humor, diversify where you follow me so you never miss my jokes to interrupt your doomscrolling: Twitter, Bluesky, Threads, Facebook, Instagram, Spoutible, Medium, and Substack.

Browse my comedy portfolio, my graffiti news portfolio, and my poetry portfolio.