MAGA Fans Are Calling Greenland "Orangeland" For Trump

And this week's other Dada News headlines

• Trump says that when America takes Greenland it will be renamed in his honor as “Orangeland.”

• A family of MAGA fans who flew to Greenland this morning to be settlers in a new colony for Trump just flew back this evening already after discovering the people there speak Greenlandic and not English.

• The government of Panama reportedly just sent a billion dollar invoice to Donald Trump billing him for a wall Panama says it will construct “to keep out rapey, criminal US presidents.”

• Leaked private texts from JD Vance reveal him complaining about sitting too close to Trump during meetings because of Trump’s “sauerkraut stench.”

• Mike Johnson has reportedly directed every Republican in the House of Representatives to write a letter to the Nobel Prize Committee to nominate Donald Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize.

• Trump has reportedly woken up depressed every day this week because soon he has to move back to D.C. and spend the last years of his life doing laborious and ceremonially empathetic work he hates, that gets him daily criticized as an incompetent, sociopathic idiot.

• Trump has reportedly threatened to fire his entire cabinet if the US doesn’t bring in at least one new state in his first two years as president — or two states if the first is majority brown.

• Stephen Miller has reportedly printed and framed several thousand portraits of himself to hang up inside all of America’s immigration-related government offices and courthouses.

• During an interview with Fox News on his policies of border security, Trump reportedly had the words, “Do not call them concentration camps,” written on his palm in Sharpie marker.

• Trump staffers are reportedly debating internally if it would look too Nazi-ish if they passed out red armbands with black T’s on them for Trump’s inauguration speech.

• Trump is furious after a liberal billionaire just paid for three dozen Haitian immigrants to have annual memberships to Mar-a-Lago.

• Senator Josh Hawley is reportedly upset with Trump’s recent focus on territorial expansion, and said this morning, “Colonizing Greenland and Panama won’t address the underlying societal problem in America that people masturbate too much.”

• The National Security Council just hired a 12-year-old editor to help dumb down the presidential daily briefing to a 6th grade level so Trump will read it.

• Trump said today, "It might be hard to believe, but my Obamacare replacement plan is maybe not yet ready to reveal."

• Trump was just awarded CoverGirl’s “2024 Makeup Ambassador of the Year” award.

• Trump is reportedly conditioning the California wildfire aid money for a cameo in another Home Alone movie.

• Trump reportedly just appointed MyPillow founder Mike Lindell as the National Director of History Education, and says all public school history textbooks will soon be mandated to declare him the winner of the 2020 election over Joe Biden.

• A Trump staffer just admitted that Trump always used to take questions from reporters next to his loud helicopter during his 1st term because it helped cover the sound of his incontinence issues and chronic farting, and he’ll continue that practice in his 2nd term. 🥃

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