Most Americans Want Qatar To Use Plane To Abduct Trump And Fly Him Away From The US
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White House insiders say they’re starting to think Donald Trump is faking his phone calls with China, and is only pretending to talk to Xi Jinping when he holds his phone to his ear and loudly demands increasingly insane trade concessions.
The Nobel Prize Committee has announced they will award the Peace Prize to whichever Republican senator first says out loud what everyone is already thinking: that Donald Trump has lost his mind, is belligerent wrecking global stability, and should be impeached.
Chinese officials are reportedly shipping scraps of metal, wood, and cardboard to the US for free so Americans can build “Trumpville” shantytowns when Trump’s trade war starts a new Great Depression.
Trump reportedly hates windmills so much because the windmill at his favorite mini-golf course is “rigged against him.”
Trump is reportedly furious because his 4th of July parade will have no fireworks thanks to his tariffs on China.
A White House staffer claims Trump was bluffing all along about the tariffs to convince China to give him easy concessions to take credit for, but, because China called his bluff, he now has to ruin Christmas this year to save face.
North Korean state media is reportedly mocking Trump’s recent cabinet meeting, with NK news anchors saying Trump’s secretaries are even cringier than Kim Jong Un’s staffers, who live under the constant threat of disappearing and starving.
Trump is reportedly planning to use his new jet from Qatar to stay airborne for the next 4 years straight getting in-flight refuelings from the Air Force so he doesn’t have to see the effects of his trade wars causing a new Great Depression.
Trump is reportedly second-guessing his idea to reopen Alcatraz because he’s worried Californian officials will prosecute him, lock him inside, and make him part of the tour experience for visitors to gawk at.
Local Trump voters are starting to wonder why Donald Trump’s number one priority is prisons both domestically and in El Salvador.
Trump is reportedly furious people are calling the coming economic meltdown of plummeting imports, empty store shelves, rising inflation, and stalled job growth the “Great Trumpression.”
Career D.C. bureaucrats have reportedly found new tactics to stop Trump staffers from instituting all kinds of deranged policies by telling them, “That’s what Biden and Obama tried to do,” and “That’s gay, bro.”
Republicans in Congress are endorsing an idea for the Catholic Church in America to create its own Papacy, and name Donald Trump the first American Pope.
Trump is reportedly pissed after realizing he’s only getting a $400 million plane when Jared Kushner got $2 billion.
White House officials say even Trump knows his 90-day pause with China on the trade war is a tactical loss because he didn’t do his usual 15 minutes of talking in a Chinese accent after getting off the phone with Xi Jinping.
Chinese economic officials say Donald Trump has “proven his ignorance,” and they will only continue tariff negotiations if Trump brings Obama.
Fox News says it’s ludicrous fear mongering to say that Trump is causing a depression, and that “he’s causing a recession at most.”
The American Transgender Alliance has named Kristi Noem as its “2025 Honorary Trans Hero” saying that her facial plastic surgery work and excessive makeup use on her pretend-cop ICE tagalongs has turned her into a “poster girl of gender-affirming care.”
A new poll finds that 65% of Americans won’t care if Qatar takes remote control of the plane they’re giving Donald Trump to hold him as a hostage for a ransom.
Local QAnon followers are starting to believe AG Pam Bondi’s fake release of the Epstein files months ago was a stunt to make everyone forget that the unredacted files featuring Donald Trump’s sexual misconduct and alleged pedophilia are still being buried. 🥃
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Yeah, I wish the Qataris try to hold him for ransom. It would be the same as in the O. Henry short story The Ransom of Red Chief, where the kidnapped "victim" is so obnoxious that the kidnappers pay to return him. The US would demand a yoooge sum to take orange hitler back, or would refuse the offer
If AirForce One is so decrepit, maybe it will crash the next time tRump flies.