Parlay Odds On The Ways Trump Will Likely Embarrass Us At The NATO Summit

Official White House photo (cropped) by Shealah Craighead | via Flickr.com Public Domain CC 1.0

Let me do the math for all your political parlay bets on how Trump will embarrass us in front of our allies at the NATO summit in The Hague:

• He pushes a prime minister out of the way while all the leaders are lining up for a photo — 66%

• He makes a European leader visibly gag due to his body odor — 100%

• He makes a European leader sitting next to him throw up due to his body odor — 75%

• He makes both European leaders sitting on either side of him throw up due to his body odor — 55%

• He does the thing where he shakes someone’s hand and starts jerking it around like a psychopath — 80%

• Two or more leaders roll their eyes while whispering something to each other and staring at Trump — 100%

• He announces with no warning that he’s pulling the US out of NATO — 25%

• He refutes something Macron said by saying, “That’s not how Putin feels about it.” — 90%

• He leaves early after finding out Zelensky is going to show up— 50%

• He asks all the Europeans individually, as well as collectively, to nominate him for a Nobel Peace Prize for his dozen Iranian ceasefire deals yesterday — 100%

• He begs all the European delegations individually to sign a trade deal in the next twenty days because he’s running out of time for his administration’s “90 trade deals in 90 days” pledge — 100%

• He skips a photo-op because all the European leaders, including the women wearing heels, want to walk a tenth of a mile outside to a famous fountain in The Hague, and there are no golf carts available — 47%

• He audibly passes gas during a meeting, but blames the prime minister of Slovakia — 30%

• He falls asleep during a presentation on humanitarian relief efforts in Palestine — 95%

• The summit organizers serve tacos for lunch to troll him — 10%

• He tells British Prime Minister Keir Starmer, “I wish Ivanka still came to these things. There’d be some sex appeal.” — 66%

• He tells a random leader he doesn’t know the name of and couldn’t say one detail about their country, “Hey, you should come to Mar-a-Lago. I’ve got a package deal on the penthouse suite. And you should see the broads that hang around. It’s great, they all look just my type. I’m not attracted to any women who don’t have at least ten grand of plastic!”— 40%

• He asks the German Chancellor Friedrich Merz if there’s any way he could get an authentic Nazi uniform to bring back to Stephen Miller as a surprise gift for coming up with the ICE policies to abduct people in public wearing masks and no identification with unmarked vans as they assault people who have US military-enlisted kids, breastfeeding babies, and/or service jobs that native-born Americans will not do, and tells Merz, “You have no idea how much of a fan he is of Himmler, do you guys, like, do baseball cards of the Nazis? You really should. Collectibles are a great way to make money while in office. I’m making a killing with my Bibles, my NFTs, my stocks, my crypto coins, my commemorative coins, my gold shoes, and I’ve got some phones coming out soon — you want one? I’ll give you a great deal on it. And I promise it’s not secretly recording all your data. You know, I bet you could make a lot of money with some Nazi merch. I’ll tell you this, many, many people in my administration would buy it. All I’m saying is you’ve been the Chancellor of Germany two months now, and you don’t even have one crypto coin yet. Who goes into politics and doesn’t make money off it? What’s the point otherwise? I’ll give you a tip. It’s called ‘pump and dump.’ Ask the younger guys on your team, they’ll tell you all about it. It’s great. It’s foolproof. Well, except for all your supporters who keep putting their money into it.” — 70%

• The Prime Minister of Denmark Mette Frederiksen tells him he really needs some mints — 99%

• He calls a woman prime minister “nasty” at some point — 55%

• All the other leaders are annoyed by the sound of Trump cracking open a can of Diet Coke every eighteen minutes — 100% 🥃

---

☕️ I’m trying to be the most relentless satirist of Donald Trump and the MAGA movement on the Internet, so if you like my graffiti news comedy here’s a 50% discount on paid subscriptions to help support me, for just $2.50 a month, write full-time and tirelessly mock Trump’s fascism with comedy.

And help me grow by sharing my comedy with your liberal friends and family, and your conservative enemies!

If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years and Satire In The Biden Years, available on Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Kobo. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.

I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.

Because our social media platforms are being scrambled up by oligarchs, if you like my humor, diversify where you follow me so you never miss my jokes to interrupt your doomscrolling: Twitter, Bluesky, Threads, Facebook, Instagram, Spoutible, Medium, and Substack.

Browse my comedy portfolio, my graffiti news portfolio, and my poetry portfolio.

Or buy me a coffee if you want to help keep me caffeinated and amped to think up jokes about MAGA world!