Poetry Sunday With Dash MacIntyre

If you like my political comedy, you might enjoy my poetry, here are 6 poems!

Photo by Orlando Gutierrez on Unsplash

Café Couch

I’m sitting on a comfy little sofa in a café

with a fresh cup of coffee and a book of essays

on various interesting artistic subjects I’ve never looked into

what a pleasant summer morning I’m having here

with my article for the day already done

and free time to read

with no deadline helmets on my head

and yet my thoughts are bogged still

in the latest climate report

and its damning and pessimistic apocalyptic predictions

with references to the fires in spain

and greece and california

and really everywhere this summer

and I find it surreal like time melting desert clocks

how plugged into the doom and gloom I am

and I decide I must stoically rally myself

to maybe picking just one

between whether the world is ending

or I am having a lovely day.

---

Eager Slave

I read twitter and listen to music

and have a muted tv on in the background

and I filter emails and post social updates

and write my essays and jokes

but my coffee cup is empty

I need more coffee to grease the rails

and keep my morning output on track

so I exit the office and walk downstairs

out of earshot of the music

but it’s quiet!

I forgot my phone to put on a podcast for the walk

the horror! I haven’t any stimulation at all

just a silent walk through the house to the kitchen

no images or sounds bombarding my brain

so I quickly pour a new cup of coffee

splashing some on the counter

and walk back fast upstairs to the office

dripping on the steps

and ahh

I hear the music playing

from my laptop around the hallway corner

I’m back in the warm soft and cuddly embrace

of constant content!

---

The Villainy Of Trying To Have A Good Time

The golden rule is a question

should everyone in the world do what you’re now doing?

Should everyone in the world throw their trash

out the highway window?

No of course not so you should not.

In my case now should everyone be flying

across the world on big emitting jets

to tiny islands of other cultures and join the crowded places

stressed beyond their road widths and sanitation capacities

and help keep the people in these beautiful places

stagnating in their tourism trapped economies?

But damn is it an enjoyable way

to live a little before I die.

---

A Brief Thought On Pretentiousness

Being well read is pretentious

but in this era of skim attention spans

is anything more deserving

of being pretentious about?

Writing is definitely pretentious

to think you are an outlet for improvements

to collective societal thought

but not giving a damn about things

and having no opinions

that is the greater character flaw.

---

First Amendment

The poet only wrote odes

to the sensation of excrement

violently pushing through his colorectal exit

some three thousand works

over the course of several years

twice or thrice daily with vivid metaphors and similes

some lasting dozens of stanzas in creative formats

with blasphemous biblical symbolism

and unexpected references to canonical literary classics

and he self-published his work in a towering tome

covered with a vulgar print of goatse

in pop pulp comics style

he printed himself at great cost

delivered to his home in bulk on a pallet every month

and he snuck in copies at bookstores

to leave on every genre's shelf

and planted copies in as many thrift stores

and school libraries as was geographically practical

until infamous

and eventually legislatively censored

convincingly quite unconstitutionally

by his city then his state then the country

in vehement trials of unredeeming indecency

on all sides

and

well…

he could have branched out a bit.

---

Finishing Low On The Apocalypse Scoreboard

There is no lifestyle I care less about

than doomsday prepping

whether anticipating nuclear desolation

or zombie invasion

or governmental collapse and violent anarchy

or some other way society might break down

injuriously and indefinitely

so the gasoline trucks stop delivering

and the city utilities shut down

and restaurants and grocery stores are looted

and ransacked

and travel is dangerous

with the streets risking ambush

and guns and ammo and all the weapons are hoarded

and everyone is shooting their decade neighbors

as fast as strangers

it might surprise you how fast I’d quit

I might try scrounging a little bit

but if society isn’t in a cooperative kind of mood

and no one’s into trying any commune efforts

I’m calling it early

and exiting the human hunting game…

preppers competing for survival hiding their resources

and living ceaselessly on guard against marauders

potentially for years and decades no thank you!

I’m running toward the nuclear blast

or going down without a fight

and you know feel free to eat my body

and use my skin for some clothes

you’re gonna want to harvest my protein

and not waste the calories

and I’d recommend

sharpening my bones into projectile weapons. 🥃

---

☕️ Like these poems? I’ve published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle. Check them out!

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