RFK Jr.'s Guide To Prevent The Spread Of Measles
11 tips from America's #1 self-taught medical genius.
Don’t wash your hands! Germs spread much more easily when your hands have been recently washed because your skin acts like a Slip ’N Slide on which the germs can slide off your fingers every time you gesture with your hands right into vulnerable entry points of your body like your eyes, nose, and mouth.
Sneeze into your palms so you can keep any measles viruses or other bacteria locked away in your closed fists until you can throw them away the next time you pass a trash can.
Pray every night and morning. God will never let a good Christian patriot in America get a godless, socialist virus like the measles!
Cough on people’s faces to help clean each other. The wind force power generated by your lungs will blow off any viruses or germs lurking on your friends’ and family members’ faces they don’t even know are hiding there. Your lungs clean the air in your body, so any air coughed out on others’ faces is likely much cleaner than the air all around us.
Stand very close to strangers in public places. When a bunch of human bodies are clumped together, you have better odds that the measles will choose to infect someone other than you. This herding strategy works for zebras on the Serengeti protecting themselves from lions, and it will protect you from all the measles out there.
Stop drinking water. When your body is hydrated you urinate more, and when you’re urinating your body is exposed for measles to sneak in through your urethra. We must try to keep our fibromuscular urinary tubes closed as much as possible!
Poop in the street. The measles can hide in old, antiquated city pipes and wait to get you when you least suspect it by sneaking right into your colon when you’re doing your business. Keep your toilet lid closed, and seal it with tape for several months to ensure all the marauding measles strains stay out of your home.
If you’re a good Christian, help keep your community safe by licking door handles, subway and bus handrails, and all other often-touched public surfaces. God will protect you and kill any measles germs you get in your mouth or stomach, and this will help clean public places so even the non-Christians are better protected. They don’t deserve it, but if all the liberal atheists die from measles we’ll have no one left to judge and feel intrinsically superior to, and that’s just not fun!
Drink your urine. Your pee is actually sterile, and you just can’t trust measles to stay out of our public water supply. Even water bottles! The more times you recycle your urine back into your body, the cleaner it gets, so you can stay alive for months at a time if you’re just careful to preserve all your pee.
Don’t wear a mask. Measles knows liberals are pussies, and that liberals wear masks. Therefore, if you’re not wearing a mask, the measles will know you’re not afraid of it, and your immune system is strengthened by the power of American freedom. Then the measles will choose to go looking for some liberal in a mask to infect instead of you.
Whatever you do, don’t get the measles vaccine! No one has any idea what’s in it, and the one time we looked at the ingredient list we discovered all kinds of ingredients and dosages we couldn’t understand. What are we going to do, trust the doctors who went to medical school and learned what all those ingredients do, and at what dosages they’re safe and effective against infections? Hell no! An anti-vax Facebook group I belong to shared a meme yesterday that said Dr. Fauci invited homosexual demons from Hell to come to the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and jerk off into all the measles vaccines. Who knows if that’s true, but the ingredient list includes all kinds of long-named chemicals that could be anything — even demon semen! I can’t even figure out how many syllables these words have! I could go to medical school and get trained as a doctor to figure out for myself what these ingredients do in vaccines, but my anti-vax Facebook group’s explanation is much simpler and faster! Besides, I don’t want to be brainwashed by the medical school propaganda that vaccines are safe and have saved the lives of hundreds of millions of people around the world for centuries now just to get a medical degree. That’s exactly what the medical experts would want. I choose Facebook! 🥃
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D, you continue to outdo yourself…especially with this pure Bigly Brilliance!!
Hilarious. Thanks—I needed a good belly buster today.