The First "Trumpville" Shantytowns Have Sprung Up

And this week's other graffiti news headlines!

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• The cities of New York, Boston, Los Angeles, and San Francisco have officially set aside land in their downtown parks for the creation of the country’s first “Trumpvilles” so people who lose all their money in the Trumpcession can make shacks and live there.

• The UK is rescinding it’s invitation for JD Vance to visit “out of an abundance of caution,” citing King Charles’s frail health and the fact that the Pope died only hours after meeting with Vance.

• Top Chinese officials say they’ll do a trade deal with Trump after he finishes his Obamacare replacement plan, Iranian nuclear deal, North Korean nuclear deal and infrastructure plan because they’d “hate to interrupt the hard work he’s been doing for so many years.”

• A White House IT guy says Pete Hegseth’s government computer browser history shows he watches makeup tutorials during his lunch breaks.

• China just announced it will pay the tariffs on all Obama and Biden memorabilia exported to the US.

• The Darwin Awards just announced they are honoring America with their top 2024 award for killing our economy by reelecting Donald Trump in November.

• Tesla is reportedly looking to hire a 21-year-old twink to barge into Elon Musk’s office at the Tesla headquarters, tell him he’s fired, and then declare every expense Musk has made is “fraud, waste, and abuse.”

• Xi Jinping says China will do a trade deal with Donald Trump, but only if Trump lets Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, and Hillary Clinton join in on the negotiations.

• The North Korean ambassador to the United Nations says the appointment of Mike Waltz as America’s ambassador makes a mockery of the UN’s goal toward professionalism and global stability.

• Trump claims it’s Biden’s fault that a recession is coming because the Biden economy wasn’t strong enough to keep him from wrecking it in just 3 months. “Say what you will about Obama,” Trump said, “and I’ve said a lot crazy stuff, but it took me 3 years to mess up the Obama economy.”

• Trump reportedly thought the “Declaration of Independence” was a “Declaration of In Depends,” meaning that George Washington wore diapers like he does.

• Top Chinese trade officials just revealed that their new lead negotiator for a US-China tariff deal is an orangutan they’ve named “Donald” that the Chinese say is as tough a negotiator as Trump.

• Pete Hegseth is reportedly planning on sexually harassing a bunch of women at the Pentagon in order to get back in Trump’s good graces.

• Mike Waltz reportedly just accidentally sent an email calling Pete Hegseth a coward for throwing him under the bus for Signalgate as a “reply-all” to the entire United Nations.

• Elon Musk reportedly only hires 21-year-old engineers for D.O.G.E. because he only hires the people who laugh at his jokes during interviews.

• The top Internet group of incels is splintering after its leaders complained their message boards and real life meetups have become “cesspools of debauchery for in-the-closet conservatives projecting homophobia and misogyny to try and sleep with lonely, straight men.”

• MAGA fans are furious after China has begun shipping them hats that say “I ❤️ Biden” instead of “Make America Great Again.”

• Trump is reportedly talking to Jeff Bezos about giving free gifts to children at Christmas time in case his tariffs and trade wars result in totally empty department stores.

• Trump responded to reports that America’s fresh produce industry is collapsing because of tariffs and deportations of migrant workers by saying, “Maybe Americans will have one meal a day instead of 3.”

• Trump calls for a “Second First Amendment” that harshly curtails the free speech rights of Americans to criticize the president.

• Trump has reportedly stopped bragging in the White House that so many historians are comparing him to President William Harrison after learning that they’re comparing his dismal performance record in his first hundred days to a president who died 32 days after his inauguration. 🥃

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