Chinese Officials Are Putting Trump On Hold When He Calls
And this week's other graffiti news headlines!
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Top Chinese officials say Trump has been calling them a dozen times every day to beg for a trade deal, and they put him on hold while playing audio of Obama speeches until he hangs up.
Historians are officially ranking the first 100 days of Trump’s second term as the least successful of any president, including William Henry Harrison, who died on day 32.
Donald Trump says it’s a “hostile and political act” to say our economy is suffering through the “Great Trumpcession.”
An anonymous GOP senator says everyone in Congress knows Trump is a disaster, but 1/3 of Republicans are cashing in on the grift, 1/3 are afraid of Trump wrecking their careers, and 1/3 are afraid of Trump’s cult members committing violence.
Please remember that Elon Musk wants no empathy from you over Tesla’s ongoing collapse because empathy is “the fundamental weakness of Western civilization.”
Top military leaders are reportedly now telling Pete Hegseth, “Don’t put this in a group chat,” every 5 minutes during their meetings.
There is more evidence to believe JD Vance killed the Pope than evidence that Haitian immigrants were eating cats and dogs.
The hottest selling item on the Internet today is a coffee cup that says “Elon’s tears” on it.
Top military officials say Pete Hegseth’s makeup use qualifies him within the strict wording of his own anti-Woke decrees as a drag queen, and he’s now no longer allowed inside the Pentagon.
Pete Hegseth reportedly uses more makeup than any female employee at the Pentagon, but less than Trump.
Chinese officials are trolling Trump and telling him they’ll call about a new trade deal “in two weeks.”
Anonymous Trump staffers say it’s unlikely Trump is telling the truth about China calling him because they haven’t heard him do the Chinese accent he does for twenty minutes or so every time he gets off the phone with Xi.
JD Vance is reportedly claiming the ghost of Pope Francis is haunting him.
A new, international poll found that 87% of Catholics across the world would approve of Donald Trump being named the next Pope if it meant he’d stop being president.
Pete Hegseth’s morning makeup routine is reportedly taking 3 hours now because it’s his safe space where no one asks him tough questions or recommends he resign.
Donald Trump says he should be the next Pope because no one but him is smart enough to start selling “Trump Pass” tickets to Heaven and make the Catholic Church billions of dollars.
The Catholic Council of Cardinals says Donald Trump “doesn’t have the cards” to become Pope.
Fox News is reportedly filming Christmas season content that honors the “patriotism and thriftiness of reducing material consumption” in anticipation of Trump’s trade war leading to empty store shelves by the winter.
Trump claims the recession is voters’ fault: “They voted for this because I said I was going to do tariffs and trade wars, and conduct foreign policies that would make foreign tourists want to boycott the US and convince foreign businesses not to invest here.”
Trump is now claiming China isn’t answering any of his calls because their caller ID probably still says Joe Biden. 🥃
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keep him on hold for hours. like american corporations do to the consumer constantly. because of AI! Now there’s an issue for DOGE to fix.