Trump Is Building An Underground Bunker Beneath Mar-a-Lago
And this late-February/early-March’s other Dada News headlines
Donald Trump is reportedly almost finished building his underground bunker beneath Mar-a-Lago, in which he plans to hide out if he loses the election and starts a new civil war, or “to go out like Hitler” if the US military quickly defeats his army of MAGA cult members.
Donald Trump claims Joe Biden “cheated” in his SOTU speech by taking Adderall right before it, saying, “Trust me, I can tell.”
During Biden’s State of the Union speech, DraftKings offered a $900,000 payout on parlay bets of Lauren Boebert doing the following: vaping, giving someone a handjob, interrupting by yelling out “Let’s go Brandon,” and getting escorted out by security.
Donald Trump said it’s fake news he’s struggling to scrounge enough cash to pay his legal fees and fines, and he promised he’ll pay E. Jean Carroll the $83.3 million he owes her “in two weeks.”
Mitch McConnell says he had no choice except to give Donald Trump his endorsement because MAGA cult members have been ceaselessly mailing his house and campaign offices pictures of murdered and mutilated tortoises and other varieties of turtles for months.
Donald Trump reportedly spent all morning in the dining room of Mar-a-Lago eating fried chicken as tears dripped down his face smearing orange streaks, and yelling out to no one in particular, “I need cash… can’t pay my lawyers… can’t pay the fines… I’m ruined!”
A televangelist in Arkansas claims Taylor Swift is “brainwashing an army of young women and girls into feminist freedom fighters to someday conquer the United States and enslave all the men and peg them.”
With Trump as the presumptive GOP nominee, he will, by tradition, soon begin getting presidential briefings again, and he is now reportedly offering a “Platinum” membership level at Mar-a-Lago that advertises that the “Classified Bathroom Club” is coming back for the 2024 Fall season.
Donald Trump claims the pool at Mar-a-Lago is “totally fixed,” and will “definitely not flood again and ruin all the records in my storage building a few days after I find out the National Archives is trying to get back documents I’ve maybe kind of accidentally taken.”
Following Nikki Haley’s victory on Super Tuesday in the primary of Vermont, Trump has vowed on his social media app Truth Social that Vermont won’t be getting any vaccines if another pandemic happens in his second term.
Donald Trump says the Founding Fathers were “pussies” for not giving presidents full immunity.
Jared Kushner, Ivanka Trump, Don Jr., and Eric reportedly all have incriminating documents and secret recordings of each other as insurance against the others ratting them out or backstabbing them.
Mitch McConnell says he will spend his remaining years volunteering at the herpetarium’s turtle room in the Louisville Zoo.
There’s a growing new TikTok craze among Gen Z kids of Republican politicians where they go on their parents’ browser histories and reveal what porn their conservative moms and dads watch.
Merrick Garland says he will direct the DOJ to begin investigating the Smirnov scandal implicating top House Republicans James Comer and Jim Jordan in treasonous collusion with Russian propagandists, and he will formally launch the investigation 16 months from now, followed by appointing a special counsel a year after that, and then subpoenaing various witnesses and potential accomplices six months after that.
James Comer: “If I vetted every wild accusation that came to me about the Biden family, we’d have no leads whatsoever on things to impeach him over!”
MAGA fans are reportedly furious that Donald Trump is considering naming Tim Scott as his vice presidential candidate and would “turn his administration Woke.”
Donald Trump reportedly clogged the courthouse toilet today during a break of trial proceedings while allegedly attempting to flush several notes his lawyers had written down for him.
Local MAGA fan Ralph Henderson is beginning to suspect that none of the money he has donated to Donald Trump’s campaign has been spent on anything except legal fees and fines.
Donald Trump interrupted a wedding rehearsal dinner today at Mar-a-Lago to ask the wedding guests to give their gifts and checks to him instead of the bride and groom.
Donald Trump is reportedly paranoid that whoever he picks as his vice presidential candidate will try to poison him and steal the presidency because that’s what he would do.
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Let me get this straight.
Trump wants to build an underground bunker in a place where the water table can be 5' below the surface?
This should be fun.
I heard he took over the ‘dollar dance’ tradition too. Mumbling constantly ‘this will never be enough.. ‘