Trump Wants To Wear Military Medals At His Birthday Parade Next Month
Graffiti news headlines in honor of Memorial Day
What better way to honor the freedoms our soldiers, veterans, POWs and KIAs sacrificed and died for than by satirically mocking the current Commander-in-Chief!
Trump reportedly just did a photoshoot wearing a military suit full of medals and ribbons in preparation for his birthday military parade next month.
Military officials say the only thing Trump talked about during his visit to Arlington National Cemetery today was how big of a national monument tax break he would have gotten if the Carter family had let President Jimmy Carter be buried on one of his golf courses, and how the Carter family were all “very nasty” for not even listening to the Powerpoint presentation Eric put together.
Trump’s extortion offer to steal Ukraine’s mineral profits has reportedly backfired because Ukrainians laughed at it, the Russians are mad Trump is playing both sides and apparently willing to take a Ukrainian bribe, and now neither side is returning Trump’s calls.
Trump reportedly interrupted a wedding at Mar-a-Lago last night and “weaved” for 26 minutes about Arnold Palmer’s dong again, how the US Navy should be killing more sharks, and how he has 100 Trump watches left that Saudi Arabia didn’t buy.
Top US military officials say the strict wording of Trump’s anti-Woke executive orders means that Trump himself cannot visit any military base or ceremony because his makeup qualifies him as a drag queen.
After Trump vowed that if anyone shows up to his inauguration wearing a mushroom costume to mock him he’ll have the military arrest them, a top general said that the law “does not give the military the authorization to arrest fungi.”
Trump is now reportedly paying several actors to hang around Mar-a-Lago dressed up like generals to tell stories to club members about how genius Trump was with the military.
The military is reportedly actively having meetings about how to deal with Donald Trump’s infamous body odor.
Marjorie Taylor Greene is pissed because she thought Trump getting reelected would lead to him letting her organize a commission to review all military secrets related to the Jewish space lasers, but even he now is in on the conspiracy and claims they don’t exist.
Pete Hegseth has reportedly directed the military to buy $250,000 worth of Tucker Carlson’s “Testicle Tanners™” as part of a pilot program to boost testosterone in the US Army and Marines and make soldiers more masculine.
Trump reportedly wants the military to drive 79 nuclear missiles down the streets of Washington D.C. for his birthday parade in June, one for each year he has been alive.
Top military leaders are reportedly now telling Pete Hegseth, “Don’t put this in a group chat,” every 5 minutes during their meetings.
Buried in Trump’s newly revealed indictment files from last year is a detail that suggests the intelligence officers from Russia, North Korea, Iran, Israel, Saudi Arabia, and Qatar all catfished him into sending them nude photos of himself while pretending to be aspiring models asking for his expert beauty pageant advice.
A whistleblower at the Defense Department says Trump keeps trying to order the US military to bring a nuclear missile to Mar-a-Lago for him to show off to his friends and highest paying tier of club members.
A billionaire #NeverTrumper is reportedly looking into buying a Trump property to renovate it and rename it the “John McCain Hospital For Wounded Veterans.”
Trump is reportedly talking to his advisers about quitting NATO and starting a new military alliance with Russia, America, and North Korea called RANK, but he was talked out of it because the acronym would remind everyone of the rumors that he has terrible body odor.
Trump says he’ll make America strong like Russia, and let America’s criminals out of prison to join the military.
Trump says top military officials are being “worrywarts” by worrying if Qatar filled his new private plane full of recording devices.
Elon Musk has now called for new elections in every European country except Russia.
Trump’s meetings with Russian diplomats over Ukraine are reportedly stalling out because the Russians keep requesting breaks every half hour to go outside and get fresh air after sitting close to him.
Josh Hawley says the Trump Administration should drop support for many more nations beyond Ukraine because the dramas of the international community are distractions from America’s real enemy: masturbation.
Trump is reportedly depressed because his Ukraine negotiations are going nowhere, and now he won’t get a photo-op with Putin. 🥃
☕️ I’m trying to be the most relentless satirist of Donald Trump and the MAGA movement on the Internet, so if you like my graffiti news comedy here’s a 50% discount on paid subscriptions to help support me, for just $2.50 a month, write full-time and tirelessly mock Trump’s fascism with comedy.
And help me grow by sharing my comedy with your liberal friends and family, and your conservative enemies!
If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: “Satire In The Trump Years” and “Satire In The Biden Years,” available on Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Kobo. Or request your library order a copy.
I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.
Because our social media platforms are being scrambled up by oligarchs, if you like my humor, diversify where you follow me so you never miss my jokes to interrupt your doomscrolling: Twitter, Bluesky, Threads, Facebook, Instagram, Spoutible, Medium, and Substack.
Browse my comedy portfolio, my graffiti news portfolio, and my poetry portfolio.
Or buy me a coffee if you want to help keep me caffeinated and amped to think up jokes about MAGA world!
Exactly what medal do they give cowards for bone spurs?
Maybe he can wear bone spurs on a bitcoin.