Trump's Doctors Say More Record-Breaking Protests Could Lead To A Stroke

💥 And this week's other graffiti news headlines!💥

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• Trump’s doctors are begging Americans to stop protesting Trump because his heart is “on the precipice,” and a few more record-breaking protests could raise his blood pressure so high he has a stroke and is forced to resign.

• Trump reportedly committed to leaving the G7 summit early when he heard that the other leaders intended to walk a half-mile uphill to take photos in front of the Canadian Rocky Mountains, and there weren’t any golf carts available.

• The Nobel Committee says if Trump’s infamous stench is so bad during the negotiations between Israel and Iran that they agree to a long term peace deal just to get out of the room and breathe in some fresh air, the Committee will give his body odor a Peace Prize.

• Iran is reportedly warning that their hackers “may have found some interesting photos of Trump hanging out with Jeffrey Epstein,” and, if Israel keeps bombing Tehran, “our fingers might slip, and we might accidentally publish them online.”

• In the Situation Room meeting about the Israel-Iran bombings this morning, a musical chairs style scuffle reportedly broke out between JD Vance, Pete Hegseth, Kristi Noem, Stephen Miller, and Tulsi Gabbard as they wrestled each other to get the two seats beside Trump.

• ICE agents are complaining that every time they go out wearing masks in unmarked cars with no uniforms or identification as law enforcement to abduct people, protesters keep dumping pounds of glitter on them so that everyone can tell they’re ICE for days afterwards.

• A new poll found that 79% of Americans believe public shaming needs to come back, and that, if wannabe brownshirts in Trump’s immigration goon squads won’t show their faces, citizens should commit some light civic disobedience by making them all shine bright and reflective with glitter because, as a democracy, we deserve to know who among us are trampling on our nation’s rights and values.

• Kim Jong Un says Donald Trump is unstable and an “embarrassing obstacle to global peace.”

• National Security officials reportedly refused to let Pete Hegseth bring his mobile makeup station into the Situation Room during their planning sessions on how to respond to Iran.

• Ayatollah Khamenei just announced he will disband Iran’s uranium enrichment program, and give up all nuclear ambitions, in exchange for Trump releasing the unredacted Epstein files.

• A new poll found that 93% of Americans do not want Trump to start a war with Iran.

• The entire world is waiting to see if Steve Bannon, Catturd2, Laura Loomer, and Kid Rock can talk Trump out of starting a new war in Iran.

• The top video on several porn sites right now is just the clip of Tucker Carlson wrecking Ted Cruz with the title “TED GETS RAILED.”

• Military surplus stores nationwide are reportedly refusing to sell “Don’t tread on me” flags and bumper stickers to ICE agents.

• Trump just tore off his face revealing it to be a mask, and it was really Jeb Bush in disguise, and Jeb yelled out, “That’s right, baby, Bush #3 in the house, doing a third round of war in the Middle East! Bushes rule!”

• Trump reportedly told Zelensky he should just build a wall to keep the Russians out.

• A federal judge just ruled that citizens have implied immunity to dump pounds of glitter all over ICE agents because no citizen has yet been charged with that, and that if police get implied immunity to abuse citizens with actions that haven’t yet been litigated against, citizens should get implied immunity to resist unlawful aggression from police. On the last page of his decision, the judge wrote, “Fair is far, bitches.”

• A growing number of former QAnon fans are suspecting Trump’s sudden 180 degree turn toward starting a war with Iran is evidence Jeffrey Epstein was an Israeli agent who got blackmail on Trump for them.

• Blue cities and states are reportedly debating “Stand Your Ground” laws where if masked ICE agents in unmarked cars with no law enforcement uniforms or identification try to abduct you, it’s legal to resist arrest.

• Vladimir Putin is reportedly no longer picking up Trump’s calls.

• A trad-wife influencer convention in D.C. went off the rails today when dozens got sick after drinking samples of raw milk, and threw up in the auditorium during a talk by a founder of a company that runs “natural immunity daycares for unvaccinated children.”

• A White House insider says Trump watches the “Fox News version” of the presidential daily briefings Tulsi Gabbard prepares for him like his 6-year-old watches Bluey.

• Trump is reportedly pissed and indecisive because if he doesn’t bomb Iran he’s a chicken again, and if he does bomb Iran his base abandons him for starting another Middle Eastern war. 🥃

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