Trump's Inauguration To Be Interrupted By Hundreds Of Tubas And Trombones

And this week’s other Dada News headlines!

Photo by Gabe Pierce on Unsplash

• The National Association of Tuba And Trombone Musicians is reportedly raising money to bus 1,500 musicians from around the nation to attend Donald Trump’s inauguration speech and play their tubas while he’s speaking.

• A televangelist from West Virginia claims the Book of Revelations confirms that Satan is orchestrating Taylor Swift’s relationship with Travis Kelce so that she can conceive and give birth to the Antichrist and ignite the apocalyptic 1000-year war against God.

• So far 650 kazoo players have signed up to attend Trump’s inauguration speech and play their instruments when he starts talking.

• Joe Biden, holding a shotgun, just told reporters he and Trump “have some unfinished presidential immunity business” to take care of in January.

• A liberal political group is organizing for hundreds or hopefully thousands of protesters to come to Trump’s inauguration wearing mushroom costumes.

• After Trump vowed that if anyone shows up to his inauguration wearing a mushroom costume to mock him he’ll have the military arrest them, a top general said that the law “does not give the military the authorization to arrest fungi.”

• A 2nd video game company banned Elon Musk for cheating, and its founder said, “It’s embarrassing for capitalism that Musk, a CEO of several major companies, as well as the alleged government savior, has the time or interest to care about being on our leaderboard.”

• Kash Patel says he will make a list at the FBI of everyone who has ever called Trump “Von ShitzInPants” on social media.

• Stephen Miller reportedly told Kristi Noem today that he has killed more dogs than her, and called her an amateur for using a gun to her dog’s head.

• Trump is reportedly furious that several TikTok trends are going viral urging everyone who can attend his inaugural address to bring kazoos, recorders, and vuvuzelas to interrupt his speech.

• Nancy Mace showed up to the House this morning in a full body cast after claiming a protester “brutally pushed her,” though video footage of the incident appears to show her merely being bumped into accidentally.

• Florida Republicans quietly exempted the gay dating app Grindr from their new legislation mandating all sex-related websites to require identity and age verification.

• A medical company in Boston is designing a new, modern iron lung machine called “Trump Lungs” for when RFK Jr. and the Trump Administration bring back polio.

• A Florida judge says he has no choice thanks to the state’s strict laws against drag queens except to officially label Mar-a-Lago as a drag show venue because of Trump’s excessive makeup use.

• Susan Collins reportedly didn’t appreciate the coyote corpse RFK Jr. brought to her Senate office during their meeting today, but Kennedy claimed it was “too good to let go to waste on the side of the road.”

• An extremely MAGA televangelist from Mississippi who claimed faith in Donald Trump as God’s newest prophet was more powerful than any drug on Earth just got arrested for running a meth lab in the basement of his church.

• For the third day in a row, a growing number of protesters have been walking up and down the street in front of Mar-a-Lago wearing mushroom costumes.

• A televangelist from Iowa claims Jesus will return on Christmas Day and anoint Donald Trump as His little brother sent by God to save America from the sins of Wokeism, diabetes, and windmills.

• MAGA fans who are emulating the Nazi Brownshirts are calling themselves the “Brown Underwear,” and are wearing adult diapers in support of Trump amidst the rumors that he wears them.

• The government of Scotland is reportedly financing hundreds of musicians affiliated with the Scottish National Association of Bagpipe Players to attend Trump’s inauguration and annoy MAGA fans by playing the Super Mario Bros theme song all day.

• New Jersey officials are asking all residents to look at an astronomy map, and stop shooting at the three stars making up Orion’s Belt because they are not alien drones.

• GOP Rep Ralph Watkins of Idaho is looking for co-sponsors for his new bill that would spend $15 million to replace Thomas Jefferson on Mt. Rushmore with Donald Trump’s face.

• Trump is reportedly worried that if his tariffs wreck the economy everyone who loses their home and has to move into shack villages will call them “Trumpvilles.”

• Trump says if Mitch McConnell votes against Kash Patel, Tulsi Gabbard, or any other cabinet nominees, he will make Speaker Mike Johnson defund the “Mitch McConnell Turtle House” in the Louisville Zoo in next year’s budget.

• Lara Trump is reportedly going to sing the National Anthem at Donald Trump’s inauguration. 🥃

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