20 Comments
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Wendy Parker's avatar

Satire is hard these days, friend. I enjoyed this piece immensely. As a fellow satire writer, keep up the good work. Push forward and all that happy shit. 😉

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

Thank you for the kind words! And may your satire forever troll the dipshits in power.

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Wendy Parker's avatar

Amen and pass the peas. Let's eat.

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Karen Scofield's avatar

I totally get it, and also know you couldn't be such an outstanding writer and humorists without a full understanding of the world we all live in. Outstanding piece this morning ☕ Thank you, and will reStack ASAP 🙏 💯 👍

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

I'm cursed with an addiction to doomscrolling! Thanks for the kind words! 🥰

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Change Champion's avatar

Me too with the doom scrolling so your satire always helps. I loved this piece because everything you said is spot on!

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

❤️🍻

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Catherine Bridge's avatar

Great article. It's ironic that the people who cry "socialism" like it is the devil coming to haunt are the same people who need Medicaid and SNAP. I dont see any of them sending back the Covid checks they received, also socialism. I love the progressive ideas of Bernie, AOC and Mamdani. There is so much F'ing money in this country. It should be used for We, the People, all of us, instead of lining the already fat pockets of the rich. That is how to make America great (and I do not think it ever was). I think we have more creature comforts than the rest of the world that keep us locked into the capialist system.

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

I agree with the sentiment that there should not be billionaires. There's many ways to achieve that, but I think peer pressure and public criticism of all the ways in which billionaires hoard wealth would be most effective.

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Anton Kleinschmidt's avatar

Who would have thought that we would see bounty hunters on the streets of America in the 21st Century

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

Crazy times. And Republicans are trying to massively increase ICE's budget

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Kay-El's avatar

I don’t think there are any prizes for dying at your desk. FFS, I’m a boomer and I’m ready to get the fogeys out and get some fresh ideas into the Dem party

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

🍻🫡

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Joe Ivory Mattingly's avatar

No satire today. However I do appreciate your righteous rant

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

Thanks for sticking with me with both my satire and my real thoughts! 🍻

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sjbeans's avatar

All great points. Read this on Medium and hopped on over to subscribe.

I'll see your health insurance and raise you to universal healthcare. Health insurance without strict regulation and patient-focused legislation is about as good as no insurance, since at least you didn't pay premiums just to get denied. For-profit healthcare is of the devil.

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

Amen!

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Kathryn's avatar

Thank you.

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The Halfway Cafe's avatar

🍻

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Virgin Monk Boy's avatar

Reading this felt like someone finally rang the temple bell inside a graffiti-strewn confessional booth.

Yes to affordable healthcare, yes to zoning reform, yes to trains that don’t belong in a Mad Max prequel. And yes, MAGA folk lost the right to say “Don’t tread on me” the moment they applauded agents with no badges kidnapping abuelas in parking lots.

Also, let’s not call it “political correctness” anymore—let’s call it “basic decency,” which, tragically, now gets labeled woke if it makes your cousin in a Punisher shirt uncomfortable.

Point 4 hit me hardest. Most MAGA voters aren’t monsters—they’re victims of a decades-long reality distortion field that swapped “compassion” for “culture war.” But Lord help me, if one more of them tells me they “don’t know any gay people” while wearing khakis tighter than a Hillsong pastor’s theology, I’m gonna lose my monkhood.

Also: YES, the Proud Boys are a gang. Just one that cosplays like they lost a bet at Colonial Williamsburg.

And don’t get me started on the gerontocracy. Half our government’s running on Metamucil and denial. Time to pass the mic before they try to bring back phrenology.

Mamdani's rise isn’t radical—it’s reality catching up. The only people scared of socialism are those who think “public library” is a communist plot.

May your satire remain sharp and your high-speed rail dreams come true.

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