Dating is hard these days, but no one has it harder than the ICE agents currently hiding their identities, wearing masks, abducting people on the street, and imprisoning them in concentration camps.
Considering the source, ICE agents aka Proud Boys pardoned by FOTUS and spurred in by Project 2025 I pass on this one. I'm old enough to be their grandma and LGB+TQIA2S to boot
This piece is pure fire wrapped in satire and lit with the cigarette of divine fury. The writing walks into ICE’s sad-boy locker room and dunks on every single one of them with such surgical comedic precision, I had to pause halfway through to weep-laugh into a dish towel.
The absurdity of these agents whining about dating rejection—while abducting people and justifying it with "alpha male" logic—is the kind of tragicomic material that would make Aristophanes rise from his grave and say, “Damn, that’s how you do it.”
And this line?
“I’m an alpha in every way except my sex life.”
That's not a red flag, sweetheart. That’s a whole emergency broadcast system test in human form.
Keep dragging the bootlickers who mistake uniforms for morality and entitlement for masculinity. Your work is a balm to the burnout and a blowtorch to the bullshit.
With satirical blessings and caffeinated contempt,
Take that ICE idiots. Your bloodlines deserve to end with you.
They want a gender war they got one
Cheers to all the ladies telling ICE agents to fuck off!
Considering the source, ICE agents aka Proud Boys pardoned by FOTUS and spurred in by Project 2025 I pass on this one. I'm old enough to be their grandma and LGB+TQIA2S to boot
Oh boo hoo, my Momma always told me if you lay down with dogs,, your gonna get fleas. No Thank you.
Loved this - I really needed a laugh this morning!!
❤️ Good morning!
I don’t know any woman who would be willing to lower her standards to that of a bloated soulless MAGA ICE agent! EWE!
ICE needs a uniform. That always works with the ladies.
And badges. I hear women like to know the identity of the men they date.
This piece is pure fire wrapped in satire and lit with the cigarette of divine fury. The writing walks into ICE’s sad-boy locker room and dunks on every single one of them with such surgical comedic precision, I had to pause halfway through to weep-laugh into a dish towel.
The absurdity of these agents whining about dating rejection—while abducting people and justifying it with "alpha male" logic—is the kind of tragicomic material that would make Aristophanes rise from his grave and say, “Damn, that’s how you do it.”
And this line?
“I’m an alpha in every way except my sex life.”
That's not a red flag, sweetheart. That’s a whole emergency broadcast system test in human form.
Keep dragging the bootlickers who mistake uniforms for morality and entitlement for masculinity. Your work is a balm to the burnout and a blowtorch to the bullshit.
With satirical blessings and caffeinated contempt,
Good one…
So true thx 🩷 you’re writing very snarky & funny !🤣
If you are in the dating scene your first question should be are you a Republican?
These men sound like idiots. Just like incel men who claim they’re alpha males. These men are idiots.
Ice agents are finding it hard to date? Are you fing kidding me. They should have a huge hard time. Masked assholes. . .
The rate of domestic abuse among ICE agents has to be so much higher than the average.
I wonder why?
Satire is not dead!
Not here!
I didn’t find this satirical at all. It’s pretty sick.
Too bad, so sad!
"Michael Herman, 29, an ICE agent who hasn’t been on a date with a female since Trump won the election." Does this sentence need clarification?
I just don’t know why women won’t date me!!! 😳🙄🤣🤣🤣