Trump's Love For Gaudy Fossil Fuel Wealth Is UnAmerican

And other problems with him getting publicly bribed with a big, dumb plane

It is a bad thing for public democracy how easily Donald Trump was just bribed by the Qataris with a big, dumb plane.

It’s a ludicrous bribe. It’s Trump’s presidential graft finally jumping the shark. The presidential salary is currently $400,000 a year, and Trump thinks presidents should accept a $400 million gift? That’s 1,000x his salary. Should every president from now on get paid 1,000x more by foreign countries than the US? What the fuck?! Republicans who respect US national security should be desperately curious to know what Qatar is getting for their bribe.

The Emoluments Clause should mean something, right?

Can Congress show some respect for their legislative branch’s dignity? This is so unbecoming of a president, so crass and ludicrously self-dealing. It’s pathetic any members of Congress are making excuses for him and what-abouting examples of previous presidential gifts that are nowhere near 1,000x the presidential salary.

Where will it stop with Trump if Congress lets him have this plane?

Should the Saudis give Donald Trump a billion dollar superyacht next? Should Putin give Trump a double decker limousine hummer to replace the Beast? Should China give Trump a solid gold high-speed rail train car? Lol, jk, the US doesn’t have high-speed rail.

Trump is a chump for taking this bribe.

The Qataris have reportedly been trying to sell this plane for years but no one wants it because of how impractically big and expensive it is to operate. Trump is a sucker and an easy mark for accepting such an unwise, financially preposterous bribe.

It’s not even a plane for presidents… it’s ONLY for Trump.

His plan is for his presidential library to technically own it so he can take it home with him when he leaves office. If this was really in the interest of getting an impressive new Air Force One, he’d leave it in D.C. for his successors to use. How selfish!

He’s starting to shift his story on the fly right now because of near — but not unanimous enough! — criticism, and he will certainly soon claim it’s fake news and a lie that he wants it for himself, but his original plan is for his library to own it!

Which means he will continue grifting the upkeep costs of his bespoke, private, airborne palace after he leaves office laundering public money for his presidential library, and soliciting bribe donations from private individuals and institutions.

Quick sidenote: what a joke it is that the public has to pay for Trump to have a library.

He doesn’t read anything, not even his daily presidential briefings, and he has the least intellectual curiosity of anyone in public life. The guy is electorally dependent on conning Christian voters like a form of stolen religious valor, and he can’t even bring himself to open the Bible and discern the difference between the Old Testament and the New Testament, or find a single Bible story to reference when someone asks him what his favorite Bible passage is.

It will take years for Trump to actually fly it as Air Force One.

A plane carrying the POTUS needs a secure communications network, armored plating, shielded wiring, military defense weapons, and certainly a host of classified security features. It needs to be able to stay in the air and coordinate responses to national emergencies and terror attacks. Its electronics need to be able to withstand electromagnetic weapons and nuclear radiation. The cost to dismantle this plane and ensure it’s sturdy and safe are excessive when Boeing is already building a new generation of Air Force One.

The security concerns are mammoth

Is it wired with bugging devices and recorders? Is it compromisable in flight? Can it be remotely hijacked? Could the Qataris hold him hostage for a ransom, or make the plane crash? Are the mechanics deep in the plane’s hull safe and sound? It’s literally a Secret Service nightmare!

One report I read suggested it wouldn’t be able to serve as Air Force One until at least Trump’s last year in office, meaning the government would have to pay hundreds of millions of dollars renovating his retirement gift.

Why is Qatar so important to Trump anyway?

It’s a tiny country the size of Connecticut, and its machinations in the Middle East are often literally at odds and sometimes directly hostile to Trump’s foreign policies.

Qatar is economically tied to Iran, and has been funding Hamas in Palestine for years. Domestically Trump wants to arrest and deport anyone expressing sympathy for the Palestinian cause, but abroad he’s falling in love with the Qataris even more than he fell in love with Kim Jong Un.

Lol, jk, we know Qatar is important to Trump because he’s incapable of disentangling his own personal financial interests from the greater interests of the US.

It’s unpatriotic for Trump to be so enamored with the gaudy fossil fuel wealth of Middle Eastern royal families.

It’s literally unAmerican. Our raison d’être and birth as a nation was forged by abolishing monarchy and aristocracy. It was the most badass thing to happen in the world for centuries, and Trump is soiling that courageous spirit of independence and liberty by trying to degrade the presidency into a monarchic throne because he’s such a poor, weak person’s idea of a rich, strong person.

The only American, Constitutional, and tyranny-hating response to a president so blatantly accepting such a giant, frivolous bribe is, “Go fuck yourself, we’re not paying for that.” 🥃

---

☕️ I’m trying to be the most relentless satirist of Donald Trump and the MAGA movement on the Internet, so if you like my graffiti news comedy here’s a 50% discount on paid subscriptions to help support me, for just $2.50 a month, write full-time and tirelessly mock Trump’s fascism with comedy.

And help me grow by sharing my comedy with your liberal friends and family, and your conservative enemies!

If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: “Satire In The Trump Years” and “Satire In The Biden Years,” available on Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Kobo. Or request your library order a copy!

I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.

Because our social media platforms are being scrambled up by oligarchs, if you like my humor, diversify where you follow me so you never miss my jokes to interrupt your doomscrolling: Twitter, Bluesky, Threads, Facebook, Instagram, Spoutible, Medium, and Substack.

Browse my comedy portfolio, my graffiti news portfolio, and my poetry portfolio.

Or buy me a coffee if you want to help keep me caffeinated and amped to think up jokes about MAGA world!