Republican Remakes Of Disney Movies

These ideas for Disney movie remakes are 100% guaranteed to own the libs

Photo by Bastien Nvs on Unsplash

These ideas for Disney movie remakes will get the Woke socialists crying their liberal tears, and replace the Satanic values of evil Hollywood elitists with the values of Real America:

• The Lion King: Simba trashes his father’s legacy as a just ruler because his dad was a total beta cuck. Simba knows Scar is a much smarter, more respected ruler, so Simba announces he’s going to Make the Pride Great Again by removing the pride from the North Africa Treaty Organization (NATO) and allying instead with the much more masculine hyenas, who don’t let in females or gays in their hunting packs. Then Simba shares his idea that the hyenas will be even more macho if they lounge in the sun and tan their testicles. It gets increasingly homo-erotic from there.

• Beauty and the Beast: After getting married, the Beast locks Belle barefoot in the kitchen, and takes away all her books and burns them because they’re brainwashing her to be liberal and Woke. Then Beast demands she give him ten kids over the next ten years, but, unfortunately, her first pregnancy is ectopic, and, because they live in a red state, Belle is forced to try to carry the impossible fetus to term and she dies. Beast feels sad, but is comforted that Belle died in honor of his pro-life convictions. Also, because the red state repealed its laws on child brides, Beast is excited to look for and marry a 13-year-old.

• Cinderella: Cinderella is kept from going out and having a social life because her good Christian stepmom knows she’s a little floozie who will have premarital sex and weekly abortions. When the Prince goes door to door to meet the kingdom’s single maidens, Cinderella’s father gives the Prince the symbolic key to her virginity, and warns the Prince that Cinderella is a feminist so she’ll need an “occasional physical reminder” that the Bible says women must be subservient to men at all times. The Prince chooses Cinderella, and, though at first she struggles with the trad-wife lifestyle, she realizes she’s much happier doing all the daily house chores without thinking for herself or ever leaving the home without her husband’s accompaniment.

• Peter Pan: Peter gets sent to a pray-away-the-gay camp in Mike Pence’s Indiana where the conspicuously homosexual camp counselor casts all the kids in a musical theatre production called “Captain Hook and the Pussy Pirates” that extols the virtues of vaginal sex for procreative purposes only.

• Alice in Wonderland: Alice gets arrested for having edible drugs, and her country’s new hardline death penalty policy for drug dealers gets her arrested and then summarily executed by the state.

• Robin Hood: Robin, with his gang of outlaw socialists named Bernie, Alexandria, Barack and Joey B., don’t want to work or be productive members of society, so they slowly starve and freeze to death on the streets of Nottingham where feeding the homeless has been outlawed by the city council. The town rejoices that they didn’t have to raise their taxes any to fund a safety net support system, and they thank God for cleaning up their town.

• Sleeping Beauty: Princess Aurora sues Phillip for kissing her nonconsensually while she was asleep, but Phillip wins the court case because the judge can tell he has such a bright future ahead of him and Aurora was “asking for it” by wearing a dress that shows a little cleavage.

• One Hundred and One Dalmatians: Cruella de Vil successfully lobbies the federal government to cut regulations on both puppy mills and puppy fabrics used in fashion with a “Freedom For Puppies Act” she wrote herself that claims to defend the free market against Democrats’ attempted communist takeover of the puppy industry. The Republicans ram it through Congress, and then celebrate with Cruella on their victory for capitalism wearing Dalmatian coats she gave them after they stopped caring about honoring the Emoluments Clause of the Constitution.

• The Jungle Book: Mowgli tries to reenter human society at the end, but he quickly gets arrested for being an illegal alien and deported to Mexico on account of his “cantaloupe calves” and tan skin.

• Aladdin: Jafar, who texts via WhatsApp with the son-in-law of the US president, finds out where Aladdin is thanks to American intelligence agencies, and lures him into the nearest embassy where Jafar’s parrot Iago cuts him into little pieces with a bone saw. It’s an international controversy, but Jafar later gives the president’s son-in-law $2 billion for his new investment firm.

• Lilo & Stitch: The US president shoots down Stitch’s ship with a missile in case it’s another Chinese weather balloon floating over the US to spy on us. 🥃

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